Goodbye, Callie the Calico (Non-Fiction)

Yesterday, my spouse and I had to euthanize our sweet cat, Callie. She was very sick when we took her to the emergency vet clinic. What I thought might have been an infection turned out to be much worse, and we decided to end her suffering. We were not prepared for yesterday to be her last day, but we couldn’t justify prolonging her pain. I am glad we got to say goodbye to her.

Callie always tried to help me out.

Callie lived to be about 16 years old. My wife adopted her when she was a few months old. When I moved in, she wasn’t happy I brought my cat River into her apartment. They eventually learned to tolerate each other. When River died, Callie and I bonded. When started working from home, she’d sit in the cat tower by my desk. Sometimes she’d put her paw on my arm when she wanted attention. Other times she’d get up to rub against my screens, then walk on my keyboard.

In many ways, she was one of the lucky ones. To paraphrase Greta Christina, the moments we had together still exist in the past, and while I can’t go back to them, that thought does give me comfort.

Now we are just have Augustine, a very friendly tabby, and we still have time to be with him, and make new memories.

But what kind of government? (Non-Fiction)

This Saturday at 4 PM CST, the Freethought Blogs Podish-Sortacast will be covering the topic of justice and governments. Where should we strike the balance between personal freedom and collective responsibility? Is there such a thing as a great state? Find out this Saturday, and I’ll see if I can join the panel.

 

Democratic State Representative candidates Laliberte-Barnes and Syed clash at Palatine’s UFO Base (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Democratic State Representative candidates for District 51, Chelsea Laliberte-Barnes and Nabeela Syed, debated covert and public issues during their debate at Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base. The debate, sponsored by Sherman’s unions and broadcast live throughout the solar system, showed a clear contrast between the two candidates.

Syed’s opening remarks, which mentioned working with Emily’s List and other progressive groups, ended with her singing “Gloop, Gloop, Gloop,” and doing a short dance.

“What was that?” asked Barnes.

“It’s the hottest trend on interplanetary TikTok,” Syed replied. “Some residents working on Triton said they’d vote me if I did it during the debate. I love connecting with the residents of the 51st, even if they are working off-world. You’d know this if you spent more time canvassing instead of fundraising.”

Barnes replied, “Well if a certain candidate hadn’t raised close to $200,000, and wasn’t constrained by a family, I wouldn’t have to hold fundraisers.”

“Well, because of my community and political work, so many individuals were willing to donate to my campaign. They don’t want someone who will work with racist Republicans. They want someone who will work for the residents of this district.”

Later, Barnes, a social worker, highlighted her efforts to fight drug addiction and provide mental health support.

“These causes mean so much to me. That is why I’m willing to reach a consensus with the fascist anti-women Republican party if it will help the residents of our district. Of course, if our visitors decided to share their advanced medical knowledge, I wouldn’t have to make deals with the elephant worshiping death cult.”

Syed responded by claiming to be uniquely qualified to deal with the Interstellar Commonwealth: “I have been practicing interfaith dialogue for years, and interstellar dialogue isn’t that different. Some of the Commonwealth’s leaders question if intelligent life exists in our district. I can point to Fremd High School and Harper College,  and confidently say there is intelligent life in our district.” Syed then said: “And this is for my new friends who work on Pluto.” She held up a sign that read, “Dwarf planets are planets,” and then did a short dance. “More  votes for me.”

Barnes said she could “play the meme game too,” and sang part of “Baby Shark.”

“Now how many votes did I win?”

“I think you lost some.”

After the debate, supporters of both candidates presented their spins for the interplanetary press.

“Nabeela Syed nailed it,” said Representative Raja Krishnamoorthi. “Future leaders like her are inspiring my campaign for Senate.”

“House,” said his wife, Priya Krishnamoorthi.”

“House. Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself.”

Senator Dick Durbin said: “Chelsea will kick this state’s addiction to politics as usual.  Wait a minute, I think I have the wrong sheet.”

Lisa Z. Parker, spokesperson for Sherman UFO Base’s unions, said she was pleased with the debate, but there were no plans for an endorsement:

“Both are good candidates and would support Sherman UFO Base. We’ll let our members decide which candidate is right for them.” She then added:. “If Rob Sherman were alive today, I’m sure he would have filed a frivolous lawsuit to restrict Nabeela from entering the base because she wears a headscarf. I’m happy to say that we’ve come a long way, baby.”

Also in the Babbler:

Alien arrested for displaying blaster at Lions Carnival
Elon Musk to visit Clow UFO Base
Mayor Mary diverts covert funds to lower garbage fee
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/4/22

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is available for preorder. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

CFI should have titled it: We are the only identity that matters (Non-fiction)

Robyn E. Blumner, the CEO of the Center for Inquiry, is writing clickbait–I mean  is now worried about “Identitarianism.”

Just at a time when it is essential for all of us to come together to work arm-in-arm against Christian Nationalism and the rise of religious privilege in law, humanism is facing a schism within its own movement. It is heartbreaking to watch and even more disheartening to know that the continued breach seems destined to grow.

It’s nice of her to finally notice the “deep rifts” within organized atheism that became a public issue with Richard Dawkin’s 2011 “Dear Muslima” comment. The same Richard Dawkins that worked to get Rebecca Watson blacklisted from atheist conventions by saying he wouldn’t speak at the same convention she was speaking at. She’s also the CEO of the same organization that forced Paul Fidalgo to stop blogging at Freethought Blogs. And I could go on.

Instead of using her position to try and heal the rift, she writes an editorial skipping the “both sides are wrong” argument and pretty much advocates silencing pro-social justice humanists in the name of free speech. Most of the editorial consists of attacking strawmen. One of the two examples she uses is The American Humanist Association’s 2021 decision to revoke Richard Dawkin’s 1996 Humanist of the Year Award.

The man who has done more than anyone alive to advance evolutionary biology and the public’s understanding of that science, who has brought the light of atheism to millions of people, and whose vociferous opposition to Donald Trump and Brexit certainly must have burnished his liberal cred became radioactive because of one tweet on transgender issues that the AHA didn’t like.

Transgender issues might be trivial to Robyn and Richard, but they’re a matter of life and death for others. Still, the statement from AHA clearly stated that there were other issues besides the tweet that led them to revoke the honor:

Regrettably, Richard Dawkins has over the past several years accumulated a history of making statements that use the guise of scientific discourse to demean marginalized groups, an approach antithetical to humanist values. His latest statement implies that the identities of transgender individuals are fraudulent, while also simultaneously attacking Black identity as one that can be assumed when convenient. His subsequent attempts at clarification are inadequate and convey neither sensitivity nor sincerity.

I used to be a member of CFI, but I left when I realized they were heading in the wrong direction. Robyn’s editorial only affirms my decision. Especially when she invokes the civil rights movement. Honestly, if this incarnation of CFI was around during the civil rights era, I imagine they would have sided with the secular segregationists and called the movement a religious plot to destroy freedom of association.

Note: All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is available for preorder. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter

Release date for my novel The Rift and a preorder sale (Non-Fiction)

The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story

The wait is almost over! My novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, will be released on July 13, 2022, on Amazon and other vendors. It will also be available for bookstores and libraries to order. Right now, I’m running a $.99 preorder sale for the ebook version:

Tom Larsen grew up believing in stories from the Bolingbrook Babbler newspaper: of UFOs, half-human weredeer, and of vampire gangs that roamed the streets at night. Then one day his parents told him the truth—the stories were all a lie.

Fresh out of college, Tom built a reputation as a blogger of the scientific skepticism movement, debunking the reports of paranormal events in his hometown. However, after famous podcast host, Jamie Kyle, posted a video about how Tom’s attempts to “hook up” with her at a skeptic’s conference made her feel uncomfortable, the blogger was furious.

Now, in his mid-twenties and still angry about his humiliation, Tom has made a career from defending the skeptical movement against “modern feminists”, including Humanist Heart, a group of social justice skeptics. And, when he hears that his hometown of Bolingbrook will host Humanist Heart’s congress, and Jamie will be their guest, Tom hatches a plan to confront the podcaster.

The only problem is that he must work for the Bolingbrook Babbler to gain access to the congress, and risk ruining his skeptic reputation. But an attack by a weredeer while working on his first assignment for the Babbler leaves Tom’s beliefs in pieces. The monsters, the UFOs, everything he tried to debunk—are all real! His worldview is shattered, forcing Tom to question whom he can really trust, and the causes he once dedicated himself to.

Now, there are angry Men’s Rights Activists trying to disrupt the congress, weredeer have surrounded the area, and mysterious time rifts appearing throughout the village. Only Jamie and the Babbler can help Tom fix this, but will he find the courage to face the real reasons why he’s angry at Jamie and the Babbler before it’s too late?

If you’ve read Pathways to Bolingbrook, you might want to know that Sara Langston returns for this installment of the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories.

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, will be released on July 13, 2022. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.

 

Podish-Sortacast for 5/14/22: Art and Social Justice

I’m planning on joining the Freethoughtblogs Podish-Sortacast team this Saturday at 4 PM Central Time to discuss Art and Social Justice.

If this seems like an odd cross-over episode, you’re a bit behind the times; long before The Handmaid’s Tale dropped there was Guernica, Strange Fruit, and Oliver Twist. Art and social justice have always been paired up, and in this episode we’ll be discussing that pairing. We might pop a few myths, but under absolutely no circumstance will we discuss Star Trek.

I don’t know about ignoring Star Trek, but I’m sure we’ll have plenty to discuss, and I’ll be interested in reading your comments. I also promise not to turn this into an infomercial for my upcoming novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, but I will have some news if it comes up.

See you tomorrow!

Bolingbrook bunnies attack Aurora mayor Richard Irvin (Fiction)

A rabbit gang attacked Aurora mayor and Republican gubernatorial candidate Richard Irvin while he was recording political ads in Bolingbrook. Irvin was rescued by Animal Control’s Rabbit Response Team and treated for minor bites and scratches, and given a rabies shot.

According to eyewitnesses, as Irvin recited these lines, “You know what the Left hates more than Republicans? The black friends of Republicans! I want to be your black friend,” a herd of rabbits stopped to watch. For the next commercial, Irvin pointed a green prop gun at a remote-controlled camera. He recited the lines: “Some people say J.B. Pritzker has access to a space laser. Well, I prefer to practice my Second Amendment rights up close and personal.” Irvin pulled the trigger and the prop gun made a pop sound. The rabbits then charged Irvin and the crew.

“I think it was just a misunderstanding,” said Juliana, who asked that we not use her last name. “The poor abandoned bunnies thought Richard wanted to be their friend. They probably felt betrayed when he set off his cap gun. That’s why they attacked him.”

Joe, another eyewitness also witnessed the attack. He said: “Let’s just say I will never look at Monty Python and the Holy Grail the same way again.”

The Rabbit Response Team caught five rabbits and chased away the rest. The captured rabbits will be sent to a rescue organization to domesticate them.

“This is what happens when you don’t properly care for your rabbit,” said an officer who asked not to be named. “Too many residents adopt and then abandon their rabbits. These once innocent creatures have no choice but to join gangs in order to survive. They started out raiding gardens, but now they’ve moved on to attacking humans. For the love of God, if you’re not willing to fulfill a rabbit’s special needs, don’t adopt one! They can be loving pets with the right caretakers.”

When reached for comment, Irvin confirmed the attack and said he was okay:  “I want to thank the staff of Barber’s Corners Media for their professionalism during a crisis. Things have gotten so bad in Illinois under Pritzker and Madigan that rabbits are hunting humans! Those two make me angry, just like the idiots in my party who want to ban abortion. We can’t tell people it’s okay to spread a deadly airborne disease then say we’re pro-life. And while you’re here, tell Pritzker that I prosecuted criminals before I defended them! So I know criminals, and Trump is the biggest criminal I know. He’s worse than all the Illinois democrats combined!”

“You can’t say that!” someone in the background yelled.

“Chill out,” Irvin replied. “I’m just talking to the Babbler. No one believes them.”

A spokesperson for Barber’s Corners Media would neither confirm nor deny they were working with Irvin.

In the background, Covert Social Media Operative Charlene Spencer sat conversing at a desk with Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta:

“I told you my friend at Miblart makes great covers.”

“You are too kind,” said a man on a video call.

Alexander-Basta said, “We’ll need it soon because I want the Village to publish its fantasy novel before that Babbler staffer does. There are no rifts in Bolingbrook.”

“I won’t argue,” Spencer replied. “Here’s your invoice.”

“Wow! I can’t believe it. What’s the catch?”

The sound of gunfire could be heard in the background. The man ducked, followed by the sound of an explosion that shook the camera. The man returned to his seat and adjusted the camera.

“Sorry about that. So any free changes you want to make?”

Spencer replied, “Could you add a blue tint to this part?”

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook will not recognize Christopher Hitchens’s birthday as a holiday
AI announces candidacy for Will County Board against Jackie Traynere
Trumpanati cancels convention at the Bolingbrook Golf Club
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/20/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.

Web Exclusive: A new service! (Fiction)

By Dale Onofrey
Columnist

Bolingbrook residents love community groups, (or at least the trustees love telling us about them). So in that spirit, I’m proud to announce that fellow FtB member Iris at Death to Squirrels has relaunched a new service called the Abattoir! I haven’t read the full post yet, but it involves getting life-saving organs to the people who want them. Who can argue with that?

Now if you will excuse me, I have to persuade my sister to put an important character back into her book!

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.

Web Exclusive: Clow UFO Base grounds flights following leak of Supreme Court’s abortion ban (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base grounded all interstellar flights following the unprecedented leak of Justice Samuel Alito’s first draft of a decision to overturn Roe V. Wade. 

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta announced the stoppage and urged all alien crews to cooperate with Inquisitors from the Illuminati and Bolingbrook’s Men in Blue. During her live-streamed announcement, Alexander-Basta said: “I would like to remind all of our visitors it is not our custom to steal documents from the Supreme Court and deliver them to a news site. While the United States doesn’t have a state religion, disrespecting the highest court is considered blasphemous. Even implying that the justices are political appointees is considered disrespectful. If any of you were involved in this theft, please turn yourself in now before I really get mad and make you regret being born.”

While some crews have cooperated, others have refused. Xlopo of Proxima Centauri said, “Under the Treaty of Kelly-Hopkinsville, humans cannot search a ship without a warrant. This overrides Clow’s Terms and Conditions, even if we broke their airlock seal. I’m sorry they’re mad someone leaked the expected ruling of one paper priest, but wrecking my ship won’t solve or change anything.”

Pogost, a ship commander from the Free Planets of Ongust, criticized the alleged ruling: “The freedom to choose when and if to have offspring is essential to all intelligent beings. If I teleported into a human’s home and said: ‘Hi. I have five heartbeats. You must take care of me for at least 18 Earth years,’ we know what would happen.  Either the inhabitants or the Men in Blue would abort my stay. If this keeps up, Earth can forget about being accepted into the Commonwealth.”

 Xeble, who asked that we not identify his homeworld, offered harsher criticism: “This decree is further proof that the U.S. Electoral College is harmful to humanity. This alleged sacred constitutional document allows someone to win a Presidential election without winning the majority of votes. Not only that, but it also does nothing to ensure that this person has the expertise and temperament necessary to run a country armed with nuclear weapons. And this elected person nominates the priests that will ‘interpret’ how to apply outdated rules to the present? And humans are supposed to trust these priests to be unbiased? If we didn’t need Lady Gaga MP3s, I would avoid Earth.”

Sources inside Clow expect the ground stop to be lifted by Thursday. None of them would confirm the validity of the alleged ruling.

After her speech, Alexander-Basta released a statement to the interstellar media. Part of it read: “Please don’t make me take sides in this cultural war issue. Abortion will still be legal in Illinois and inside Clow. If you want an abortion, you can have one. If you don’t, we won’t force you to get one. Fnord!”

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.

Another ways to get a free copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook (Non-fiction)

From now until the end of May, you can get a free copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook, as well as free ebooks by and other fantasy authors.

Into the Pathway Village!

You can also get a copy of Pathways at Amazon and almost everywhere ebooks are sold. I’m also offering a print edition that includes bonus material bonus material.

Finally, I hope to have an update about The Rift, the next book in the series, soon.