New book covers and the Pathways to Bolingbrook Audiobook (Non-Fiction)

I have book news!

First, the new audiobook version of Pathways to Bolingbrook will be out in September. Rachanee Lumayno is the narrator for this audiobook, and her work is far better than the auto-narrated version I had online. I’ll post links once I have them.

Second, I’m revising the covers for Pathways and The Rift so it’s clear they’re part of the same series. At the very least, the new Pathways will debut on September 1st. Here’s a sneak peek:

You can see it first if you subscribe to my author newsletter.

Third, I’m putting together two eBooks that will be newsletter exclusives. The first is a collection of pre-FtB Babbler and the second is a short story that is a direct sequel to Pathways. I’m shooting for a late-September or October release.

The next novel is in the outline stage, and I hope to start writing the first draft in November, if not sooner.

Web Exclusive: Chinese subterranean marines surface in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

A Chinese subterrene crewed by Chinese marines surfaced in Bolingbrook’s Americana Estates subdivision.

Dena, who asked that we not use her last name, claims she first saw a giant drill emerging from a vacant lot. She stated: “I was shocked. Then I thought it must be a tunneling drill, which meant we were getting an L stop! Then I saw the Chinese flag emblem on the side, and got worried.”

Peter Z. Lee, a new Bolingbrook resident, also saw the drilling vehicle emerge: “At first I thought the village was serious about tunneling, but then I saw the Chinese flag and the markings. That thing was with part of the PLA’s First Subterranean brigade.  I feared we were being invaded!”

According to Dena and other eyewitnesses, the craft rolled out of the hole and towards them. A hatch opened, and a marine armed with a QBZ-95 popped out. Most of the eyewitnesses fled when the marine started to point his gun.

Lee decided to stand in front of the drill. Instead of being shot, the marine looked around, then lowered his rifle. According to Lee, the marine said it didn’t look like they were in Taiwan. Lee replied that they were in Bolingbrook. The marine smiled and replied he was from Xuchang City, which is one of Bolingbrook’s sister cities.

“For a moment, I felt a weird brotherly bond with him. Then I remembered that technically, he had just invaded the US.”

The marine then pulled out a cell phone and told someone that they sent him the wrong coordinates.

“We’re supposed to be working together. I know it’s a war game, but how are we supposed to pull off the greatest amphibious invasion in history if you can’t tell the difference between the US and that occupied island?” 

After the call, the marine told Lee he would let him live if he promised not to tell the news media what happened.  Lee agreed, adding that he didn’t consider the Babbler news media. The subterrene then drove back into the hole and sealed the opening. Lee added that a Bolingbrook cleanup team arrived and restored the lot.

The Chinese consulate in Chicago released a statement saying the antipode of Bolingbrook is under the Indian Ocean and offered to provide “alternative news stories” to the Babbler.

A receptionist for Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she was in an important meeting and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer, said: “I’m only doing this so you’ll stop volunteer-shaming me.”

A woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta replied, “Whatever. This is an emergency, thanks to Amazon’s e-book return policy. I. Need. Your. Help.”

“I knew you could say it. So I just started a Zoom session with the goddess of self-publishing and self-marketing: Joanna Penn.”

Penn replied, “Thanks, but we need to get down to business. So, thanks to TikTok, you’re losing money on your book, Bolingbrook Does Have a History, correct?”

“Unfortunately,” Alexander-Basta replied.

“Fortunately, in self-publishing, it’s never too late to revive book sales. Now, how many sites is it on, besides Amazon?”

“There are other book sites?”

“Oh yes, but we’ll get to that later. Since it’s on Amazon, what Amazon categories is it listed under?”

“Categories?”

“That means Amazon selected them for you. We’ll work on that. Next, what keywords did you select?”

“‘Bolingbrook?’ I don’t know. It was published before I joined the board.”

“Fair enough. What’s your permafree book?”

“Permafree?”

“The free book you offer to entice readers to buy the rest of the books in the series.”

“Series?”

“Yes. The title says this is volume one. How many volumes do you have?”

“One.”

“That’s not good. When are you going to publish the next volume?”

“Probably 2065, since that will be Bolingbrook’s 100th anniversary.”

“Oh, that’s way too long to release the second book.”

“But that’s when Bolingbrook will have enough of a history to fill a second volume.”

“I suppose, but most self-publishers need to release more than one book before they turn a profit. So if you insist on waiting 43 years to publish the next book, you should consider publishing prequels or a parallel series. For that matter, how many people subscribe to your author newsletter?”

“None. Look, is there anything you can do now to help?”

“I might be able to optimize the ebook formatting to… Oh, dear. It’s all scanned images of newsletters and newspaper clippings.”

“Is that going to be a problem?”

“Yes. We have a lot of work to do.”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

Jared Kushner’s laptop appears in Bolingbrook then disappears (Fiction)

Did former Presidential advisor Jared Kushner lose his laptop at a Bolingbrook restaurant? Computer repair person Joel X. Parker claims a waiter working at one of Bolingbrook’s restaurants gave it to him:

“He said Jared left it at his table.  It had a gold-plated casing and Jared’s name was engraved on it. Seemed legit.”

According to Parker, the waiter paid him to wipe the hard drive so he could use it himself. Parker denies he tried to hack into the laptop but admits he accessed it:

“As a joke, I typed ‘Jared’ in the password field. I didn’t realize it really was his password.”

Parker claims the laptop contained records of questionable financial dealings, and messages about illicit activities. As proof, Parker provided the Babbler alleged email exchanges with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman over the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi. 

In one email, MBS wrote: “One of my associates was a bit too enthusiastic when I told him to deal with that reporter. Can you deal with your father-in-law? Otherwise, it would be a shame to stop doing business with our favorite customer.”

Kushner replied, “I don’t know if I can fit it into my very busy schedule as the best Presidential advisor. I’m so busy that I don’t have time to think about that satanic building I bought.”

MBS wrote a long reply which concluded with this offer: “If you find it in your oh so busy schedule to put in a good word for me, you might find yourself with a big B in the near future.”

Kushner sent a short reply: “Make it 2 Bs and I might send you an attachment about our anti-matter bomb program.”

Parker also showed an alleged email from Ivanka Trump. “Daddy says I’m no longer his favorite Trump. I’m telling on him!”

Before Parker could copy the entire contents of the hard drive, Kushner allegedly arrived at his shop with Bolingbrook police officers. Kushner, according to Parker, threatened to have compromising pictures of Parker, “found” on Hunter Biden’s stolen laptop. Parker surrendered the computer.

“I suppose I should feel lucky they didn’t cancel me, but I will always wonder what else is on that laptop.”

The Babbler could not afford Kushner’s interview fee and did not receive a comment from him.

A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she was in an important meeting and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta, said: “Young lady, you have a lot of explaining to do. Why did you buy and return several copies of the Village’s ebook? You can get free copies from our library.”

“I’m sticking it to Amazon by taking advantage of their ebook return policy. They lost money because of me!”

“They didn’t lose money. We did because the village still has to pay the delivery fee for the books you returned, and they won’t waive that fee unless we enroll in their Kindle Unlimited program. In other words, you were extorting the Village on behalf of Amazon!”

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook to require licensing of all psychics
FBI denies raiding the Bolingbrook Golf Club
Atheist missionaries annoy Bolingbrook residents
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/25/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

Mayor denies aliens access to Saturday’s Taste of Bolingbrook event (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Despite numerous interstellar diplomatic protests, Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta banned aliens from attending the Taste of Bolingbrook on Saturday, August, 13. Instead, aliens will be encouraged to attend the Taste of Clow UFO Base to be held on the same day.

“The Bolingbrook Chamber of Commerce is expecting 10,000 people to attend this year’s event,” said Alexander-Basta at a press conference with interstellar news organizations. “So, we want to make sure as many humans as possible can taste Bolingbrook. I mean have a taste of Bolingbrook.”

Alexander-Basta then encouraged all alien visitors to Bolingbrook to attend the Taste of Clow UFO Base instead. According to Alexander-Basta, alien visitors will have more fun if they stay on the base:

“We have so many things planned for our esteemed guests. The WeatherTech Restaurant will offer free samples of their new lightning bar desserts, made from rich recycled plastic with chips of discarded battery charger parts. Yummy. But there’s more. Clow’s most famous chef, Joshie Berger, will be serving his super-well-done burger with blackened grilled cheese. It sounds like the worst, but it’s actually the first. Um, you might want to rework that slogan, Joshie… Anyway, I left out the best part. A certain former trustee will be taking time off from her record-breaking interstellar tour to read Bolingbrook event announcements live! And that’s not all!”

Alexander-Basta added that there would be extra Men in Blue at the Taste of Bolingbrook and cloaked drones will scan all attendees for traces of alien DNA. She warned that any alien captured at the event would face “severe consequences.”

Zokgot, a visitor from Ross Confederacy, was disappointed by the announcement. He said: “I was looking forward to consuming a slice of Nancy’s Pizza dipped in Mora’s Miso Soup and topped with Andy’s Custard. I guess I will have to fly over to (Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base) if I want to sample Earth food.”

Alexander-Basta could not be reached for comment.  A receptionist said she was with a “very important visitor” and that they were taking part in a conference call about a “secret project.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar said: “So if buy over a thousand ISBNs, it will come out to about $1.50 per ISBN?”

Another man replied: “Absolutely. And for slightly more we can throw—”

“Then why can’t you just charge $1.50 for all ISBNs? Hell, I could publish my memoir in Canada and get a free ISBN there.”

“But you can’t publish your memoir in Canada because you live in the best country in the world. So you have to deal with us.”

“That’s better. Let’s make a deal.”

“Sure. You’ll pay us $125 for one ISBN. However, if you pay us $295 for ten ISBNs, I can throw in a barcode for $25.  Since you’re obviously new to self-publishing, I can also have an AI scan your manuscript for only $99.99. Or why list your book for free on Books2Read when you can have it listed on Book2look for only $49.95? That’s—”

“Outrageous! How dare you try to rip me off. Don’t you know who I am?”

“You’re a person who has no choice but to deal with Bowker.”

Also in the Babbler:

Village of Long Grove considers approving a weapon of mass slaughter/gun store
Rep. Bill Foster building a rocket car to help him tour his new district
UFO lands in Bolingbrook after colliding with a Long March booster
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/11/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

Article on leaders of the New Atheist movement spreading white nationalist ‘Great Replacement’ myth. (Link)

“The Great Replacement” is the white nationalist myth that whites are being replaced by minorities, either through a conspiracy, or because declining birth rates among whites. It’s embodied in the infamous Charlottesville chant, “Jews will not replace us.” EIYNAH at OnlySky recently posted an article about some leaders of the New Atheist Movement promoting this “theory”:

 

One of his books, The Strange Death of Europe (guess what is causing this ‘death’: Muslim mass migration and low birth rates) Received praise from neo-Nazi group Generation Identity, it was also recommended on white nationalist hate-site Stormfront and has made an appearance on other racist and white nationalist reading lists. If that wasn’t enough, it was also promoted on Facebook by far-right Hungarian prime minister Viktor Orban, and also received high praise from Sam Harris (“wonderful,” “very witty,” “fantastic book,” “beautiful read”).

Harris is not only a long-time defender and promoter of Douglas Murray but has contributed to the normalizing of great replacement themes through his own content as well. I was once a fan of Harris’s and have spent the past few years feeling terrible about that, a fact I explore in a miniseries in more detail. But to sum it up, once I started feeling uneasy with some of his content and associations, I hoped that much of it could be chalked up to ignorance or his not having the time to delve into some of the characters he was promoting.

I could not have been more wrong.

It’s a long post, but worth reading. I agree with her that atheism doesn’t make a person immune to racist or sexist thinking. Many atheists expect religious followers to speak out against their toxic leaders. We shouldn’t be afraid to do the same to the prominent faces of atheism.

It’s a theme I also touch on in my latest novel.

I just started following Eiynah, and I look forward to her future posts.

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

Proud Boys end ‘blockade’ of Chicagoland’s UFO Bases (Fiction)

By Reporter X

The Proud Boys announced Sunday the end of their “blockade” of Chicagoland’s UFO bases.

Peter Z. Easton, a spokesperson for the group, said: “We left after we sent a clear message to all space aliens that if we don’t like you, we’ll find a way to beat you and blame you for starting it.” Easton also added that his local chapter is currently focusing on “combating drag shows, and intimidating school boards.”

According to Easton, the boycott began when the Proud Boys chapter heard rumors of aliens disguising themselves as humans. The members decided it was a form of drag performance. “Our new orders are to go after anything that’s gay. Drag is gay and that’s not OK. Especially if you’re a non-western space alien! Just between you and me, I only liked Milo Yiannopoulos because he triggered the libs.”

Despite claiming victory, officials at Chicagoland’s three UFO Bases denied the Proud Boys intimidated visitors or disrupted flights. 

An official at Clow UFO Base claimed a Proud Boy member tried to leave a bag of dog poo near an entrance. The Men in Blue “reminded” the man that the Proud Boys are still banned from Bolingbrook, and escorted him to Romeoville.  

An employee at Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base accused Proud Boys of shooting at UFOs. He said: “Their guns can’t penetrate shields, so most of our visitors didn’t know they were shot at.  But one crew was able to capture a bullet and shot it back at the (Proud Boy’s) truck. I never knew one remote controlled bullet could do so much damage. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and we covered up the shootings as one of those mysterious booms.”

A former Proud Boy member, who asked to be called Dee, said he was abducted by aliens while looking for Peotone’s base. He said: “They taught me that biology isn’t black and white but a spectrum. I also learned that women don’t like to be bossed around by men, and being a virgin doesn’t make you stronger. I couldn’t call myself a Proud Boy after learning the truth. So I’m going to learn how to make a sandwich and strive to be a good man. I hope I can convince my former comrades of the truth.”

The mayors of Peotone and Palatine could not be reached for comment. A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said: “Are you sure you want to write about the Proud Boys?”

In the background, a man who sounded like Trustee Michael Carpanzano said, “Absolutely not, Charlene.”

A woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer replied: “You don’t even offer an affiliate link on any of your sites?”

“Just because I urge residents to have a weather radio doesn’t mean I’m profiting off of them.”

“Expecting a donation then?”

“Don’t make me carp you again!”

Also in the Babbler:

Editorial: LGTBQ+ people need our support more than ever
Russia launches two weather attacks against Chicagoland
Image of Christopher Hitchens appears near DuPage Unitarian Church
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/27/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.

Elon Musk survives meeting with Maritan Colonial delegation at Clow UFO Base (Fiction)

Elon Musk

Bored billionaire Elon Musk minutes before his negotiations with the Martian Colonies broke down. (“Elon Musk” by dmoberhaus is licensed under CC BY 2.0.)

By Reporter X

A summit meeting between Elon Musk and a Martian Colonial delegation at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base ended in a brawl. No one died, and no one was arrested, but Clow’s medical teams had to re-attach Elon’s head to his body.

Following the incident, Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta addressed the interstellar press: “Elon will be back to his normal self. For that, I apologize to humanity and the rest of the solar system.”

Alexander-Basta then thanked the Martian Colonies for not invading Earth or incinerating the surface of the Earth. She stated: “The Martian Colonies demonstrated that they are truly the most advanced civilization in the Milky Way. Their restraint  is admirable and appreciated.” Basta then picked up a piece of paper, and read aloud: “This is why we welcome the Colonial peacekeepers stationed in Bolingbrook, and we appreciate that they are using their superior technology to disguise this base as an Amazon Fulfillment Center. If they want to build a space elevator—” She then looked backstage and said, “Can we talk about this without getting annihilated? No?”

Clow officials then showed security holograms of the events leading up to the brawl. It started with Musk demanding 420 square kilometers of Martian territory for his future base, and access to the “Qzist.” When asked why, Musk replied, “You have information about every human on Earth. I could use that to humiliate my enemies and defend my freedom.”

“You mean dominate other humans and not be dominated yourself?” Asked a Colonial delegate.

“Exactly. Accessing the Qzist would be cheaper than buying Twitter.”

Later in the meeting, Musk promised to build a hyperloop to connect his colony to the Martian Colonies. A delegate was not impressed. She pointed out that Musk promised to build a starship, but instead built a spacecraft that has yet to orbit the Earth.

“You seem to promise more than you can deliver, and what you have delivered you’ve bought from others.”

Musk protested and said things would be different on Mars. “Sometimes I come up with ideas, and my engineers quit rather than build them. I even moved to Texas, and promised to pay the travel expenses if any of their girlfriends needed abortions. All I wanted in return was their undying loyalty to me. That isn’t working. But on Mars, I’ll have total control of the air, food and shelter. No unions. No liberals. I will have the freedom to make them do what I want. I think I’ll call my first colony Space Texas.”

The negotiations became more heated until Musk threatened to call them a type of sex offender. A delegate activated a droplet drone. Musk smiled and said, “My robots will protect me.” Instead, the robots started dancing. Musk frowned. “I guess I’ll have to flame all of you myself.” Musk pulled out a flamethrower and the hologram footage stopped.

When asked to comment on Twitter, Musk blocked this reporter. 

A receptionist for Basta said she was busy and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer said: “Sheldon, your campaign is in crisis, and I’m here to help.”

A man who sounded like Trustee Sheldon Watts replied, “Crisis? How can there be a crisis when the election is still eight months away? It’s too early to think about it.”

“Too early? Have you seen Mayor Mary’s fundraising numbers? This month she raised $32,500 for her campaign fund. That’s more money than the total funds for both opposition parties combined, and she’s not spending it on lunches, cars, scholarships, or batteries.”

“It takes more than money to win a campaign.”

“But it does take money to be viable, and we won’t be viable after Ms. ‘Proudly sponsored by Weathertech’ floods our mailboxes and social media platforms with ads for her trustee candidates next year. I have to take drastic action if you want to avoid another third place finish.”

“I’m afraid to know what you have in mind.”

“Okay. Let’s just say that there are people out there who don’t like the Egyptian government, and would love to make their favorite US mayor—”

“La! La! La! I can’t hear you! Jesus loves me. S.T.E.M. is good.”

Also in the Babbler:

Wheaton College to host ‘Is Richard Carrier a myth?’ conference
Governor Pritzker to promote Rep. Kinzinger by running ads against him
Interstellar Commonwealth threatens to raise abduction quota if US Democracy ends
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/14/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is available now. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter. Visit my author site for more information about all my books.

Another Rift Review (Non-Fiction)

The Rift is here!

Siggy posted a fair review of The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story.

Now there are a few issues inherent to the redemption arc. For one thing, it turns a jerk into a hero, just because he learned to be less of a jerk. I’m not sure there’s any avoiding that. But perhaps it’s less of a redemption arc and more of a wish fulfillment fantasy, where our wish is to persuade an MRA that he was wrong all along, and for feminism to win in the end. It seems rather optimistic, but I can dig it.

I appreciate the feedback from all the reviewers so far. That might change if Goodreads trolls decent on it, but so far, so good. Regardless, people have a right to love, hate, or have mixed feelings about any work. I’m happy that The Rift is engaging enough to have writers provide their thoughtful reviews of it.

Satan reviews ‘The Rift’ (Great American Satan that is) (Non-fiction)

The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story will be released on July 13, 2022.

Freethought Blog’s Great American Satan posted the most in-depth review of my upcoming novel, The Rift. It’s an honest and fair review and if you’re undecided about buying it, I’d strongly urge you to read this review.

Even within that subculture, the book could lose audience from its concept alone. As I mentioned, the progressives burned by the IRL conflict may have very little interest in seeing a redemption tale play out. Hopefully, the ten years since the furor began will help them get past that enough to read the novel. It handles the subject very well. Everything that starts to feel insensitive, or like a misstep, is ultimately redeemed through the story’s plot. It’s kind of brilliant at that, playing its hand with more subtlety than you might expect.

And all that said, maybe I’m not giving the average non-skeptic-culture reader enough credit here. If the price is right and you like the idea of a feminist sci-fi adventure in a tabloid UFO setting, give it a shot. And if you are in the book’s target demo – skeptic culture warriors – definitely pick this one up.

If you decide to pick it, it’s available on Amazon, and other retailers. You can pre-order the eBook version for $.99, or wait until the official launch date of on Wednesday (July 13).

Just to clarify, the novel is inspired by the web stories I’ve written over the years, but within its own continuity. It’s just like the difference between Marvel Comics and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So you don’t need to be familiar with the web stories to enjoy The Rift.

The Rift is coming next week! (Non-fiction)

It’s only five days away from the release of my novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story. The story of skeptic blogger Tom Larsen, how his determination to infiltrate the Humanist Heart congress compiles to work with his local tabloid, The Bolingbrook Babbler. This leads to him getting attacked by a weredeer, and waking up inside Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base. With his confidence shattered, and being thrust into the agendas of powerful beings and organizations, can Tom accept the unbelievable truth before it’s too late?

Here another excerpt from the novel:

“My God,” Tom heard himself say.

“Common reaction,” Robert replied bluntly. “Do you remember everything you read in the Babbler?”

Tom nodded.

“Not much has changed in twenty years. Clow is still the largest urban UFO base in the world—and it’s my base.”

Tom looked back at the landing bay. The Babbler was telling the truth, at least about Clow Base. He remembered all the times he’d debunked the base’s existence. The arguments were sound, yet here he was.

Robert cleared his throat.

“It’s like being in an Asimov novel,” said Tom.

Robert shook his head. “Not enough robots. Let’s go.”

It’s nice to see years of work finally coming to fruition. You can preorder the e-book for $.99 at these vendors, including Amazon until July 12. The book goes live on July 13. If you’re looking to buy a book next week, especially during Prime Days, I hope you’ll consider The Rift!