My consolidated response to the AI generated emails targeting authors

Like most self-published authors, my inbox is flooded with scammers using AI generated emails to trick us. Some impersonate book club organizers. Some promise to promote your book, and use AI generated summaries to trick you into thinking they’ve read any of your books. Some will even impersonate famous authors, and pretend to be interested in helping out a fellow author. Accepting any of their offers could result in loss of money, subpar service, or worse.

Instead of waisting my time replying to all their emails, I’ve decided to consolidate my responses into this one post.

  • Yes, your book club  may feature any of my books. No, I will not pay you to feature my book in your book club.
  • Yes, you may write a review of any of my books, assuming you’ve read them. No, I will not pay you to review any of my books.
  • Thank you for your email, famous author. Let me reply using your official email, instead of your Gmail account.
  • You want to interview me for your video series? I won’t pay you. Especially if my videos have more views than your videos.
  • If I ever want to hire a publicist, I know who I would reach out to. This person didn’t send me a blind solicitation. If I was able to find them, that tells me they something about publicity/marketing.
  • You want to make one of my books into a movie, but I have to pay you first? Sorry, I know an Academy Award winning producer who would look at my books for free, if I asked.
  • No, I will not pay an influencer to pretend to like my books on YouTube/TikTok/Instagram, etc.
  • I’m not William Brinkley and I think the Brinkley estate doesn’t need your help to publicize The Last Ship. (Real eMail I received.)
  • I’m glad one of my books changed your life. No, I will not buy a service from you. Please leave a Goodreads review instead.
  • I don’t recall ever sending you or anyone else a query letter.

I do feel sorry for the legitimate book club organizers trying to reach authors for legitimate bookings. We’re just buried in spam emails right now. If it’s bad for me, I can’t imagine what it must be like for more established authors.

Time Traveler arrested in Bolingbrook for posting on X (Fiction)

Bolingbrook’s Department of Paranormal Affairs arrested a time traveler accused of posting on X in 2023. According to sources within the DPA, the time traveler went back to 2023 and posted a highly distorted photo of President Donald Trump raising his fist following the 2024 Butler, PA assassination attempt. The traveler’s photo was first noticed this year, following the assassination attempt at the 2026 White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Julia Z. Milton, spokesperson for the DPA said, “We take any attempt to corrupt our timeline seriously. Which is why did not notify the federal government until the suspect was turned over to the Temporal Enforcement Agency. Who knows how the Trump administration would have exploited a time traveler from the future?”

According to anonymous sources, the suspect was streaming the Correspondents’ Dinner at Starbucks. Five minutes before the shooting, he allegedly told another patron, “Keep watching. You don’t want to miss the false flag operation.” Somehow, the DPA overheard the alleged conversation. They arrested the time traveler when he left Starbucks and confiscated his pocket time machine.

When questioned, the time traveler demanded access to “GemiGrok” because he couldn’t think for himself. The traveler later confessed to being from the future and deliberately creating an anachronistic photo on X. According to the traveler, “GemiGrok” told him it was okay to post the photo because skeptics could the account was a private account that was set to public after the assassination attempt. Therefore, they could argue the image was created in 2026, not 2023. If the public didn’t accept that explanation, skeptics could dismiss the image visual pareidolia. Later, the traveler said it didn’t matter because all tweets would be erased after Gemini and Grok merge.

An investigator, who asked not to be identified, said, “GemiGrok gave that time traveler bad legal advice. I guess AI hallucinations will still be a problem in the future.”

When reached for comment, Presidential Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, after insulting this reporter, said, “Just wait until the Correspondents’ Dinner is rescheduled. Bombs will be dropped!”

Also in the Babbler:

Space Pope to visit Clow UFO Base
Trump renews demand to move the Bolingbrook Golf Club closer to O’Hare
Clow UFO Base cracks down on aliens smuggling Iranian oil
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/1/26

Bolingbrook braces for massive global ‘transquake’ (Fiction)

Will a trans rights group unleash a powerful global earthquake on April 25? Bolingbrook officials aren’t taking chances.

“Sure, it sounds preposterous,” said John, a village official who didn’t provide his last name. “But this country has been at war against the trans community since the second Trump administration started. It’s only a matter of time before they strike back.”

A new group, Beyond X and Y, announced (or threatened) to unleash a worldwide “transquake”  on April 25. Its leader, Dr. Jey, attempted to unleash a “boobquake” back in 2010. On 4/26/10, Dr. Jey encouraged women around the world to wear immodest clothing. Officially, the event was an “experiment” to test Iranian religious scholar Kazem Rajabi Seddiqi’s claim that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes. A major earthquake occurred during that day.

“We were lucky they didn’t unleash a global Earthquake that day,” said John. “But Dr. Jey has had years to prepare for this quake. So we need to be prepared, too.”

The official purpose of “Transquake” is to “test the right’s hypothesis that trans joy is too powerful.” While the official event is in Chicago, countless unofficial events will also happen on that day.”

“Maybe nothing will happen,” said Pam, another village official who asked not to be identified. “Maybe Chicagoland will collapse into a massive hole. Why take the chance?”

Both officials urged residents to stock two weeks of canned goods and buy survival gear. If the quake occurs, they suggest residents get outside, instead of standing inside a doorframe. However, they don’t expect Lake Michigan to produce a tsunami that could reach Bolingbrook. 

Dr. Jey denied that Transquake would unleash a global disaster. “The real global disaster is transphobia. Beyond X and Y believes trans joy is natural, while transphobia is learned. It’s time to stop teaching transphobia.”

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta would neither confirm, nor deny, if the village was preparing for a global disaster on April 25. “Bolingbrook is a great place to live, but we always plan for the worst.”

Also in the Babbler:

Negotiations between the Space Pope and JD Vance break down
Residents say Iran-US war is ruining their weekends
Palatine cat wins award for ‘best late-night party animal’
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/27/26

 

Space Force ship crash lands in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

By Reporter X

A Space Force dropship crash landed near Royce Road, injuring 23 soldiers and crew. 

Residents near the crash site say they saw a red fireball in the sky. Seconds later, the craft impacted a field near Premier Trailer Leasing. 

One resident, who asked not to be named, said, “At first, I thought it was an Iranian ballistic missile. When I didn’t see it releasing cluster bombs, then I assumed it was a meteor.”

After the impact, residents raced to the crater, hoping to snatch what they thought was now a meteorite. To their surprise, they saw the wreckage of a spaceship with a US flag emblem and the name, “USSF Kash Patel” printed on the side. 

Bill, a resident who did not provide his last name, said, “We weren’t sure if it was a friendly ship or if Trump was invading Bolingbrook. It’s hard to tell what the President is thinking nowadays.”

According to the residents at the crash site, a crew member stepped out of the craft and took off his helmet. The residents claim he said, “We weren’t shot down by a cheap Iranian space drone because our craft is invisible to radar. Anyone who says otherwise is spreading fake news.” The man collapsed and fell unconscious.

Some residents attempted to provide first aid to the injured, but the soldiers refused. 

Jill, who also didn’t provide a last name, said, “One marine was obviously bleeding, but he insisted he was healthy and asked me to stop spreading fake news. When I told him I was a field nurse in the Army, he accused me of being DEI. Let’s just say he now owes his life to a black woman.”

An emergency response team from Clow UFO Base arrived minutes later to evacuate the crew and clean up the accident scene.

Bill said, “A man in blue told me I could either promise to never tell the media what I saw, or I could have my memory erased. Fortunately, he said the Babbler didn’t count as a media outlet, so I can talk to you.”

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she supported the staff at Clow. “I hope more people will use Clow once this is published, because we could use the business.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Will County Board candidate Sheldon Watts said, “How can I have a Trump problem if I won the Democratic primary?”

A woman who sounded like Covert Social Media Operative Charlene Spencer replied, “Because the public hates Trump, and you know (Will County Board Member Jackie Traynere) will keep posting that photo of you posing with Trump at a fundraiser.”

“But she’s a convicted criminal,” said Watts.

“Let’s see,” said Spencer. “Jackie was convicted of two misdemeanor computer tampering charges. You posed next to a man with 34 felony convictions.”

“But he wasn’t convicted at the time,” said Watts. “Look, I denounced the J7 riot. I volunteered at the 2024 Democratic Convention. I swear to Jesus, I’m a Democrat.”

“That’s nice, but Jesus can’t vote in this election.”

Sheldon sighed and said, “This is going nowhere. Let’s just skip to the part where you tell me your plan.”

Spencer replied, “You’re going to post a better explanation for your appearance with Trump. Each of these notecards has a reason you can use as a starting point. Take a look.”

After a few moments, Watts gasped. “You can’t be serious. ‘I was a victim of (former Mayor Roger Claar’s) cult of personality.’ ‘I was a Trump supporter, but Jesus saved me again.’ ‘A Secret Service said he would shoot me unless I posed with Trump.’ ‘I just wanted to see if Trump had the Mark of the Beast.’ Charlene, I can’t choose any of those reasons.”

“Of course you can. Just let me shuffle the deck. Now pick a card. Any card.”

Also in the Babbler:

Mayor blames Iran war for higher fuel prices at Clow UFO Base
Palantir gives Bolingbrook a low ‘patriotism score’
Israel threatens to establish ‘settlements’ in Evanston
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/2/26

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

If you are interested in a dramatic version of the Babbler universe, check out my book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. Available at most book retailers. You can also request copies from your local library. 

Chicagoland’s UFO bases deal with the fallout from the Persian Gulf War (Fiction)

By Reporter X

From crash landings to “accidental” bombings, Chicagoland’s UFO bases are struggling with the fallout from the latest Persian Gulf War. 

Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base and Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base are seeing a 1000% increase in emergency landings and hospitalizations. Officials blame the United Space Force, the IDF’s Space Division, and the Revolutionary Guard’s Interceptor Force for the increase.

“It’s a mess,” said an anonymous employee at Clow UFO Base. “Iran wants to draw alien civilizations into the war. Space Force fighters have a daily quota of spacecraft to shoot down. Israel is being Israel. And we’re dealing with their mess.”

Abigal Zepell, a pilot from the Interstellar Tribes of Israel, blames Israeli forces for her crash-landing at Sherman UFO Base. She claims she was bringing passengers who wanted to celebrate Purim in Israel. “I called Tel Aviv Control for landing instructions. I started by saying, ‘Shalom Shabbat’ like I’ve done countless times before. This time, instead of responding, they launched fighters to intercept us. I apologized, and said ‘Shabbat Shalom’ over and over. The pilot accused me of being an Iranian spy. He said he’d have to kill me, but promised not to pillage my ship.” Zepell confirmed no one died during her crash-landing.

ZoKlo, a pilot from the Interstellar Caliphate, blamed Iran for his crash-landing. “When I tried to reach Tehran Control, I was redirected to another control center. The controller asked if I was going to bomb the United States or Israel. I said neither, because we believe in peace. Then ten interceptors attacked us. When I protested, the controller said if Iran was going down, they were going to take as many civilizations down with them. Then he added that if I crashed into the White House or the Knesset, I would go straight to Paradise.”

Clow officials also claim that the US Space Force tried to bomb the base twice. Said one official, “I know the US likes to commit war crimes, but double-tapping Bolingbrook with bunker-buster bombs? Good thing we have strong force fields. Otherwise, people would be asking too many questions.”

Both bases have also been accepting alien evacuees from the Persian Gulf. Zop Glib, a resident of Alpha Centauri, posed as a human Dubai influencer until the war started. 

“I was willing to ignore the mistreatment of foreign workers because I loved my luxury human suit and my free apartment. Death by drone attack was a possibility I couldn’t ignore.” Glib hopes to buy a new human suit and start a new influencer career. “Maybe I could shill for Ground News. ‘The Left says this. The Right says that. But I read Ground News, so that makes me special!’”

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta praised the staff of Clow UFO Base. “The Trump Administration may be dumping lemons on the world, but the staff at Clow is making lemonade. Now, if we could just stop living in interesting times. That would make my job so much easier.”

Also in the Babbler:

Cats Against Kat Abughazaleh funded by AIPAC
Rep. Foster denies accepting political donations from Venus
Editorial: Daylight Savings Time is unraveling the fabric of Space-Time
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/15/26

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

If you are interested in a dramatic version of the Babbler universe, check out my book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. Available at most book retailers. You can also request copies from your local library. 

Revenge of the Phantom Press just released! Book post

My new novel, Revenge of the Phantom Press, is now available. You can buy it through most retailers and my new direct store. Libraries can buy a copy of the paperback. without going through Amazon.

Revenge of the Phantom Press book cover

Revenge of the Phantom Press

I’ll admit if feels odd releasing the book a day after Don Lemon and Georgia Fort were charged for covering a protest inside a church. It’s hard to read about the terrible things happening and not worry about sounding tone deaf when posting about my any of my books.

While I started working on this book before the first Trump administration, ROTPP does touch on issues that are still relevant  I do point out the dangers of access journalism and how, as one character points out, is not worth the price of admission  The story also shows how anger and bitterness can turn into destructive rage.

Of course, as Urban Fantasy novel, it has ghosts, spirits, magic, and covert agencies dealing with the paranormal  It’s the direct sequel to The Rift, but you don’t need to read it to understand the story  I do carry over the humanistic viewpoint to this story

If this sounds like a novel you might enjoy, then consider buying it from one of these retailers.

Touch a flame. Feel the fire.

 

An Angel of Reason (Book Post)

“Because CASS is founded on the belief that critical thinking is for everyone, regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender—” Juanita lifted her necklace to reveal her crucifix. “Or creed.” –Juanita Vega from Revenge of the Phantom Press: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story

My upcoming novel, Revenge of the Phantom Press, is set in an alternate version of 2015. In the book, Juanita Vega is the president of the Chicago Anti-Superstition Society. She also believes in God and doesn’t apologize for it. Figuratively speaking, she’s like an angel of reason to Tom Larsen, the main character.

Revenge of the Phantom Press book cover

Revenge of the Phantom Press

While Juanita is a fictional character, she’s partially inspired by religious members of the skeptical movement. Back around the 2010s, there was a debate within the skeptical movement about whether someone could call themselves a skeptic and still believe in God. In many ways, it was part of the debate over science and religion being  non-overlapping magisteria.  Dr. Pamela Gay and Hal Bidlack were prominent religious promoters of scientific skepticism. When I was involved with Chicago Skeptics, the leaders made it very clear that religious skeptics were welcome.

As the Deep Rifts intensified and the skeptical movement declined, that debate faded into the background. Nowadays, between Lawrence Krauss’s ties to Jeffrey Epstein, Richard Dawkins’s cringeworthy commentaries, and Michael Shermer victim-blaming Renee Good, who wants to identify as a skeptic?

I don’t subscribe to non-overlapping magisteria because religion doesn’t confine itself to ethics and morality. We’re seeing this today with the government defunding any study that includes the word “trans.” Not to mention, abortion, stem cell research, and the teaching of evolution. Most people compartmentalize their religious beliefs and scientific knowledge. They can accept the world is billions of years old and draw inspiration from books saying the world was created in six days. Compartmentalizing is not the same as saying science and religion don’t overlap.

Still, I’d rather work with a religious person to advocate for science-based policies than a person who dresses up alt-right talking points as rationalism.

What are your thoughts?

Revenge of the Phantom Press releases this Saturday. You can preorder it from most book retailers or check it out from your local library.

A reminder there is no arc

Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.

–Martin Luther King Jr.

On this MLK day, with many people questioning whether Trump will deploy the 11th Airborne Division to Minnesota or Greenland, I’m reminded that the universe has no moral arc, let alone one that bends towards justice. In the United States, progress always faces pushback. Reconstruction was followed by Jim Crow laws. Gay marriage was followed by the demonization of transpeople. DEI was replaced by an unspoken push to prioritize white men, regardless of competency.

Moving towards a society that values justice and equitable outcomes requires constant work, and knowing that any gains can be taken away. If we want an arc bending towards justice, we have to make it ourselves. The universe won’t bend it for us, and there are people working to create an arc bending towards injustice that benefits only a few.

Hopefully, I’ll live to see a day when the United States moves towards the light instead of the darkness. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to make that happen.