Bolingbrook’s Hidden Lakes Monster threw a temper tantrum after learning about the possible sale of both the Hidden Lakes Nature Center and Hidden Lakes to the Will County Forest Preserve District. Three Will County staff cryptozoologists and two members of the Bolingbrook Department of Paranormal Affairs suffered minor injuries when the creature bumped into them.
“I don’t think she meant to hurt us,” said Beth Z. Delmar, a lake monster specialist employed by the Village. “She was just upset by the news. I would be too.”
Hidden Lakes is the smallest body of water known to have a lake monster. The half-duck, half-sea serpent creature is believed to be the sole surviving member of its species. Workers accidentally opened the cavern it was living in during the contraction of the four lakes that make up Hidden Lakes. While most of the lakebed is shallow, some parts are up to a mile deep. The creature sleeps in the deepest areas, then ventures to the shallow areas to eat weeds and plants. Despite some accusations, no one has provided convincing proof that the creature has ever killed a human or eaten meat.
During its tantrum, the creature splashed water with its tail and made its unique sound, described as a combination of a hiss and a quack. Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar, awoken by the sound, drove to Hidden Lakes to scold the creature.
According to eyewitnesses, Claar told the creature she was too expensive to continue to take care of.
Claar allegedly said: “COVID infected the Parks District’s covert budget and they need to make cuts. This time they can’t issue another bond and then and pass it off as a tax cut. They have to make real cuts, and I’m not sorry, but invisible playground equipment for alien children is a better investment than you! Now go to sleep and be happy that we didn’t cut you up instead!”
The creature responded by coiling around Claar and pulling him into the water towards the deep end. It stopped when Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta and Will County Board Member Jackie Traynere arrived. Alexander-Basta summoned the creature, who complied, and dragged Claar to near the shore.
“I’m sorry,” Alexander-Basta allegedly said. “You may have hidden from my staff, but you must think of us as family. That’s why you’re so upset. You think you’re going to lose your family and your home. Let me assure you that you’re staying right here. I’ll still visit you every week, and so will the residents. You’ll just have different people taking care of you, that’s all.”
“I’ll be in charge of them,” added Traynere. “You might not remember me, but when I was a little girl, I got lost and you guarded me until my parents came. My parents thanked you with some very special birdseed. I brought some for you today.”
As the creature ate the birdseed, Traynere added: “I’m the one who authorized the tunnel between Hidden Lakes and Lake Whalon. Do you like it?”
The creature joyfully quacked.
“Good. I insisted that they fill the lakebed with your favorite plant. It cost extra, but you like it, right?”
The creature lifted Claar and used his body to splash water on Traynere.
“I know that splash,” Traynere replied with a smile. “Yes there will be changes, but I think that a better-funded and more experienced governmental body can improve your home.”
Alexander-Basta then walked up to the creature, holding two bags of birdseed:
“You let the Mayor Emeritus go, and I’ll give you these two bags, plus twenty more.”
The creature released Claar. After consuming the bags whole, it submerged and swam away.
Alexander-Basta helped Claar up, and said: “This is why Bolingbrook needs me as a mayor.”
Neither Claar nor Traynere could be reached for comment.
A receptionist answered Alexander-Basta’s phone and said she was dealing with a “tense situation.”
In the background, a man with a downstate accent said, “You must tell your Clerk to fulfill these 1000 FOIA requests within five days, or she must resign.”
A woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta said, “Well, I’m happy to serve you the papers—“
“It’s a trap!” yelled the man. “You’re working for Bonnie!” The man ran away.
“I don’t know who Bonnie is, but apparently she likes to serve too.”
Also in the Babbler:
Russians spare Bolingbrook from Hurricane attack
Last alien visitors from Afghanistan arrive at Clow UFO Base
Village Attorney confirms that the Bolingbrook Police cannot declare political parties illegal
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/3/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.