Good morning! I am going to the doctor today! It’s time for my yearly physical exam!
Just a suggestion: there are things you should not see or read before a doctor’s visit, like John Oliver’s report on the ineffectiveness of state medical boards and how incompetent doctors are hopping from state to state to butcher patients.
It’s OK! It’s just a physical! How much harm could a doctor do in a routine examination?
Then I read Chuck Wendig’s account of an irritating examination by his doctor. Fortunately, I can say that my doctor is nothing like his callous, bumbling doctor. Although I have to admit, this part rang true:
So, he then asks, and once again, please wait for it, wait for it —
“What medications are you taking?” And then, you know, have I had surgery, who in my family is alive and how did the dead ones die.
At this point I’m fairly convinced that I’m being punked, like this is some kind of joke, right? They all tell me, ha ha, no masks, also, please give us the same information you just gave to the last three people. Is anybody writing this down? Two of the people seem to be tapping it into a fucking iPad, but at this point I’m pretty sure they’re just playing Wordle. There is literally no continuity of information. I sigh, and I tell him the information AGAIN.
Now that is familiar. I got a long questionnaire in the mail a few weeks ago, and I dutifully filled it out to bring to the clinic today. Then they sent me an email, telling me to fill out an online survey, which was just as long and mostly the same questions, with a few little differences. I filled that out, too. I expect that today when I get there a nurse will sit down with a clipboard and go through the same questions one by one by one, and I’ll sit there in exposed in my gown, nodding.
But that’s just the medical bureaucracy, which we all hate anyway. My doctor is someone I’ve known for many years now, she’ll be helpful and fine, and probably won’t stab me. I think!
I’m back! The good news: blood pressure is perfect, cholesterol & triglycerides perfect, no problems detected in any of my blood work. I guess I’ll have to cancel all my funeral plans.
Unfortunately, there’s always something to bring me down. I’ve been scheduled for a colonoscopy in August.
Oh, also, all those forms I filled out? The nurse immediately ripped out a whole page of densely packed questions and triumphantly threw it in the trash. I didn’t need to fill that out! How silly of me.