The Mayors of Bolingbrook: Thomas Groseth (1973) (Fiction)

From 1968 to 1973, Bolingbrook was on its way to becoming the second largest municipality in Will County. The first restaurant, Mr. Quick, opened in 1969. The park district was founded in 1970. That year also saw Valley View become the evilest school district in the country with its year-round calendar. Indian Oaks, Winston Woods, Ivanhoe, Cherrywood, and Cinnamon Creek subdivisions started in 1971. The first shopping center opened in 1972. Jewel opened in 1973, thus giving the Babbler two distribution locations, and allowing the Babbler to end free home delivery to every resident in Bolingbrook.

The Babbler also experienced growing pains. With the founding of the Bolingbrook park district, the Babbler was no longer Bolingbrook’s number one tourist attraction. Other weekly publications appeared and attempted to compete with the Babbler. Still, the future seemed bright for the Babbler.

In 1973, newly elected Village President Thomas Groseth tried to ignore the Babbler. He even went as far as to write a column for The Bolingbrook Beacon claiming it was Bolingbrook’s first newspaper. Though the persistence of one reporter, we finally got our interview.

Village President Groseth: Nixon supports me!

It took several phone calls, two visits from the Bolingbrook Police department, and two trips with The Men in Blue, but this reporter finally got an interview with Village President Thomas Groseth!

Groseth: Do you know what time it is?

Reporter: It’s time for your interview with the Babbler!

Groseth: You just won’t give up, will you?

Reporter: Absolutely not! Mr. Olson won’t pay me until I get a story. You how inflation is, man.

Groseth: (sighs) OK. Let’s get this over with.

Reporter: What is your favorite thing about being the village president?

Groseth: That’s the first question? OK, um, I really like getting letters from a young man who wants to move to Bolingbrook once he gets his Ph.D. So every time I hear someone complain at a board meeting, I just think about this young man and smile. Because someone out there is inspired by our village.

Reporter: You mean you’re more proud of getting fan letters than you are of being the administrator of the world’s largest urban UFO base?

Groseth: (sighs) Do we have to play this game? OK. This should make you happy. I neither confirm nor deny the existence of a UFO base next to Clow Airport.

Reporter: Then you are confirming that the base is under Clow?

Groseth: (muffled scream): If there were a base under Clow, and I’m not saying there is, then I would be very proud to be its administrator.

Reporter: Ah. Now if you were its administrator, and you’re not saying that you are, what are some of the challenges you face?

Groseth: (Yawns) Other than stopping the staff from making Uranus jokes? Hmm. I would say that covering up Clow’s finances from the general public.

Reporter: Really?

Groseth: Sure! Clow must make billions of dollars from all the extraterrestrial trade it does. Even with computers and pocket calculators, it must be quite a challenge to add up all those dollars. I’m sure the money is hidden in certain line items. I would have to make sure that none of the secret accountants did something wrong, like, misallocate a small percentage of the funds into a covert bank account, or hide a certain percentage in a seemingly innocent budget line. Plus, I’d have to make sure that no one creates any phantom employees to misallocate the funds. Hmm.

Reporter: That sounds like a demanding job.

Groseth: It is, if I had that job. I’m sure that if I had that job, President Nixon would fully support me. Heck, I’m sure that once Congress finishes its investigation, Nixon and I will still be in our positions. And I think that’s all for tonight.

Reporter: But I have questions about the aliens fascists in our schools, and weredogs on the–

Groseth: Tell John (Olson) that if one his reporters ever wakes me up again, I may or may not send the blue men after him.

Reporter: You mean the Men in Blue.

Groseth: Good night, Good morning, whatever time it is!

History says that Groseth resigned as village president on May 7, 1974 after he was fired from his full-time job. This was followed by President Nixon’s resignation on August 9, 1974. History also says that the two resignations were unrelated.

Sources at the time told the Babbler that both men were removed from power following an audit of Clow’s covert budget. Though Groseth was acquitted by the Illuminati’s high court in 1976, and Nixon was pardoned in 1974, both men would never again be involved with Clow UFO base.

Tomorrow:  Patricia McDowell becomes Bolingbrook’s first female village president, and Publisher John Olson decides to do something about it! 

The Mayors of Bolingbrook: Robert Schanks (1968) (Fiction)

The year was 1968, the year after the summer of love. Residents were falling in love with their new homes. Visitors flocked to Bolingbrook to read the “far out” stories in the Babbler. Publisher John Olson loved his expanding staff, and the Babbler’s new office across from Totura’s foods.

Nineteen-sixty-eight was also the year of violence and chaos. Inside Bolingbrook, space hippies tired to corrupt the minds of our children. Outside, unsavory elements edged on by communist mind control satellites, rioted in the streets of Chicago. Young people turned to crime, rock music, and drugs. 

Bolingbrook residents demanded order. Bolingbrook’s politicians delivered: They founded the first police department in 1968. Trustee Robert Schanks then led a rebellion against Village President Jack Leonard to buy a new police car.

Then later in the year, Schanks unleashed Bolingbrook’s ultimate tool for law and order. He introduced it during his first and only in-depth interview with the Babbler.

Village President Schanks unveils the Men in Blue!
A Bolingbrook Babbler exclusive!

We were warned to expect something unusual when Village President Robert Schanks summed us in for an exclusive. So we hid one reporter in his office while another reporter conducted the interview. As you will see, our hidden reporter came out with the story Schanks doesn’t want you to read!

(Update 2017: Revision based on a clearer copy of the original issue.)

Schanks: Thank you for coming here on short notice.

Reporter: No problem. I’ve always wanted to interview you, but you never returned my calls!

Schanks: Are you the one who calls around midnight?

Reporter: You bet. Because you never take my calls at work, before work, during dinner, after dinner–

Schanks: I get the picture.

Reporter: So, is it true that the Bolingbrook police will be given special training to deal with the local space hippie commune?

Schanks (chuckles): No. I have something better.

(Two men, wearing blue sunglasses and blue suits walk into the office.)

Reporter: Wow. Those are some far out suits!

Schanks: Behold! The Men in Blue. They are Bolingbrook’s newest weapon against alien criminals and those who would expose Clow UFO base.

Reporter: Um, I think the suits are cool, but don’t you think they would stand out… Especially around all the corn fields? Won’t people start asking questions, and then turn to the Babbler for answers?

Schanks: Of course they’ll stand out. It’s so they’ll distract residents from the Girls in Green.

Reporter: Girls in Green?

Schanks: Enough about the Girls in Green! Ask me about the Men in Blue.

Reporter: Um, OK. What are these Men in Blue?

Schanks: They’re prototypes for the next generation of Men in Black. The Bilderberg Group provided them to us so we could test them out. These fearless enforcer clones are the key to maintaining local autonomy over Clow UFO base.

Reporter: I thought the Men in Black were the enforcers at Clow UFO Base.

Schanks: The Illuminati and the federal government are diverting resources to the war against alien communism. A young man sent me a letter saying that we should assume control over Clow’s security. By turning over Clow’s law enforcement to us, we’re helping the war effort, and saving money. Next question!

Reporter: Are there any Women in Blue?

(Schanks and his advisor look at each other for a few seconds. They burst out laughing. Moments later, Schanks looks at the reporter.)

(2017 note: Remember this was 1968!)

Schanks: Next question, and be serious this time.

Reporter: So these Men in Blue will intimidate and harass anyone who tries to expose the truth about aliens in Bolingbrook?

Schanks: They will use the latest technology to persuade residents to preserve the status quo, and maintain law and order.

Reporter: Why are you telling me this? Doesn’t granting an exclusive interview with the Babbler defeat the purpose of the Men in Blue?

Schanks: Because you’re not going tell Bolingbrook about the Men in Blue.

Reporter: You can’t stop me! I’m with the Babbler. I’m sworn to report the truth to Bolingbrook no matter how unbelievable it is!

(A Man in Blue approaches the reporter.)

Schanks: This is really a test of their memory altering slap!

Reporter: You can’t be serious! That’s un–

(Man in Blue slaps the reporter. The reporter looks dazed.)

Man in Blue: You came here to interview the Village President about Beaconridge. The village president denied that Beaconridge is being built over an ancient nuclear waste dump. His argument was persuasive that you are going to write an article defending Beaconridge.  You’re even going to say that residents who move to Beaconridge will be the healthiest residents in Bolingbrook!

Reporter: Thank you Mr. Schanks! I’m going to spread the good news about Beaconridge! This will be my best article ever! Thank you!”

(Reporter leaves.)

Schanks: We are going to use a different method to alter the memories of women, right?

Advisor: Absolutely.

Today, the Men in Blue still maintain order at Clow UFO Base and contribute to a coverup of Bolingbrook’s alien visitors.

Tomorrow: Thomas Groseth unknowingly starts on a path that will threaten the political stability of Bolingbrook! 

The Mayors of Bolingbrook: Jack Leonard (1965) (Fiction)

For our Mayors of Bolingbrook special report, we’re starting with Jack Leonard, Bolingbrook’s first village president, as mayors were called back then. Leonard was instrumental in persuading the Trilateral Commission to found Bolingbrook as a cover for Clow UFO Base. Not only was he the first police chief, he also was the first temporal monitor, weredeer control officer, and alien greeter. Historians to this day do not know how he managed to get any sleep.

(Update 2017: This interview occurred right after residents voted to approve the creation of Bolingbrook in 1965. It is was conducted by John Olson, our first publisher. It was published in the very first issue of the Babbler.) 

Village President denies being a Soviet patsy!
Publisher escapes arrest and certain brainwashing!

Publisher John Olson crashed the village trustee’s celebration of Colonial Estates’ loss of freedom under the newly formed “village” of Bolingbrook. We have the exclusive transcript!

Olson: I have a question for the so-called president of this new village.

Leonard: Who are you?

Olson: I am the publisher of The Bolingbrook Babbler.  My reporter is handing out test (sample?) copies for each of you.

Trustee: How can we have a second newspaper? The voters only just approved incorporation.

Olson: Whenever oppressive liberal government forms, the press rises up to oppose it.

Leonard: We haven’t even had a meeting yet.

Trustee: And what kind of name is the Babbler anyway?

Olson: As in a babbling brook! What kind of name is Bolingbrook anyway?

Trustee: It comes from Shakespeare–

Leonard: Now you said you had a question. What is it?

Olson: Knowing that on any given night, up to three communist satellites pass over our community, and given that there are Beatniks and other unsavory elements just outside of our newly imposed border, and given that forcing the residents into a collective village is almost the same as collectivism which is practiced by–

Leonard: Do you have a question?

Olson: Are you going to petition Will County to invalidate this election because of interference from Soviet mind control satellites?

Trustee: Wait a minute! According to this article, God is going to smite Bolingbrook after our first meeting. Why are you working on an issue if God is going to destroy all of us?

Olson: We think that enough residents will say the prayer in the article and save Bolingbrook.

Leonard: I think you need to get more fresh air. The mold in your basement is affecting your brain.

Olson: Very funny. I will now ask another question.

Leonard: This should be good.

Olson: When will you tell the truth about Clow?

Leonard: The truth?

Olson: The truth that Bolingbrook is really a cover for the largest urban UFO base in the World!

(Silence)

Olson: And we’re going to keep covering Clow and all the other supernatural events in Bolingbrook!

Leonard: Honey, get the jail ready!

Wife: It’s full!

Leonard: Already?

Wife: People are getting drunk celebrating the new village.

Leonard: Mister, if it were up to me, I would lock you up tonight. But tonight, in the spirit of unity, I’m just going to ask you to leave. Instead of attacking the village, you should be following the example of a young man from out of town. He said that he wanted to be a pioneer, to start a new life in Bolingbrook. I said, “Young man, if you really want to help Bolingbrook we’ll need leaders. Leaders need PhDs! If you want to go out on your own, go to an out of state university first.  Take your time. Because Bolingbrook will be waiting for you.” Someday, he will be a great asset for Bolingbrook. You should work to be a great asset to this village right now.

Olson: Oh don’t worry! You may be part of an alien/communist plot, but we will be working together!

Leonard: Why’s that?

Olson: Because I run the only newspaper in Bolingbrook. That means I own the paper of record!

Trustee: What about The Beacon?

Olson: The Beacon? The Beacon is just Joe Kovach’s oversized newsletter and it covers other communities. The Babbler, on the other hand, exclusively covers Bolingbrook, and it looks better than The Beacon! We are the first true tabloid in Bolingbrook. You have to make us the paper of record!

Trustee: He has a point!

Leonard: GET OUT!

Tomorrow: Robert Schanks unleashes the ultimate weapon in the fight to maintain law and order in Bolingbrook!

Babbler celebrates the 19th anniversary of its first post (Fiction)

By Sara Langston
Editor of the Bolingbrook Babbler

Nineteen years ago this month, the Bolingbrook Babbler posted its first article online.  It was a hand-coded HTML page hosted on a staff member’s webpage.  The story investigated the possibility of a tornado magnet located at Lewis University.  (The magnet has since been dismantled.)  There was some controversy when the article was first published because our copy editor at the time insisted that the Lewis University was misspelling its name.

From that humble beginning, the website has come a long way over nineteen years.  Today, our web page reaches an international audience, as well as the residents of Bolingbrook.  We are the place to go for the unbelievable truth about Bolingbrook.

Each anniversary, we like to repost articles from the archives of our print edition.  This year we will be featuring our first interviews with each of Bolingbrook’s Mayors.  Yes, we did this in 2010, but this year we’ve made some enhancements to the articles.  Plus, we’re concerned that there are Bolingbrook residents who believe that Claar is the only mayor Bolingbrook has ever had.  While he is the longest-serving mayor in Bolingbrook’s history, he is not its only mayor.

So, join us this week as we’ll be featuring an interview from each of Bolingbrook’s mayors, past and present! Though these interviews, we hope you’ll see how both Bolingbrook and the Babbler have changed over the years.

Web Exclusive: Naperville protesters crash 10/24/17 Bolingbrook board meeting (Fiction)

Eyewitness and video analysis confirm that Naperville residents disrupted the 10/24/17 Village of Bolingbrook Board Meeting.  The protest was later edited out of the recording uploaded to the website.

“This was supposed to be a happy farewell to Public Safety Director Tom Ross,” said an anonymous eyewitness.  “Instead, those loud snobs, I mean Naperville residents, almost ruined it.”

According to the sources, after the Pledge of Allegiance portion of the meeting, ten Naperville residents stood up.  Their leader identified themselves as members of the Naperville Civic Response Action Team.  The leader said that they were furious over Facebook posts from the “Mayor’s Office” account.

“How dare you threaten to build a wall to separate yourselves from us.  We’re Naperville!  We have a reputation to uphold.  Suburbs separating themselves from us is not part of that reputation.  We’re the ones who do the separating!”

Mayor Roger Claar replied that the account is actually a “fake news” account, and asked if they had bothered to read the About section on the page.

“Why would we read the ‘About’ section?  We’re Naperville residents, we have a reputation to uphold.”

“I get the point!”  Claar replied.

Police escorted the ten residents out of the meeting.  Then five Naperville residents stood up and started chanting.  The first chant was, “Naperville is a-okay/Bolingbrook should go away!”  The second chant was “Naperville is beyond rebuke/Bolingbrook makes me puke!”

Claar made an unprintable remark, then said, “I told you that’s a fake news account!”

“You’re fake news!” yelled a protester.  “Just like your fake moat and your fake golf club!  You are an unworthy Trump supporter!”

Police escorted the protesters out again.  The meeting proceeded until the Trustees started giving their reports.  Another group of protesters stood up.

Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz interrupted them:

“Roger hates me and I have no reason to lie for him.  We’re not building a moat or a wall.  We like Naperville, and we like it when you shop in our stores and visit our events.  You’re welcome here. Let’s come together.”

Claar then shouted an unprintable comment, followed by: “Facebook just rejected my complaint about that page.  What do I have to do to get them shut down?”

After the meeting, Claar called Naperville Mayor Steve Chirico.  The two agreed that there was a misunderstanding between the two communities.  Chirico agreed to talk to the protesters, and Claar agreed to edit the video of the meeting “to protect Naperville’s reputation.”

An anonymous source at the Bolingbrook IT department confirmed the editing.  “We had to make a lot of awkward edits and used too many shots of Roger being bored.  Still, no one will ever suspect that there were protesters at the meeting.   As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Tom got the celebration he deserved!”

Neither Facebook nor the team behind the Mayor’s Office account could be reached for comment.

Bolingbrook Deputy Mayor Leroy Brown dies (Non-fiction)

Bolingbrook’s Deputy Mayor Leroy Brown died on October 31, 2017.  He had had open heart surgery earlier in the month.  Brown became a trustee in 1993 and a Deputy Mayor in 2000. He served in both positions until his death.  The Bolingbrook website has more details about his career and his life.

I never spoke with Leroy. However, I did see him at Village Board meetings, read about him in the local press, and watched him on BCTV.  I did send him an e-mail to settle a debate over whether the village website had his correct e-mail address.  It did.  Leroy never replied.

While we would have disagreed about politics and religion, my impression of him was that he was a friendly man who did care about the community. The organizations he volunteered for will miss him.

Yesterday, not only did Leroy die, but there was also a death in my family. I don’t take comfort in believing that Leroy is looking down on Bolingbrook, or that my deceased relative is offering to teach Leroy how to play Settlers of Catan. Instead, I found comfort when I looked up this quote from Richard Dawkins:

“We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?”

Though we were on opposite sides of the political divide, I am glad that Leroy was one of the lucky ones.

Aliens banned from trick or treating in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

By Reporter X

For the first time since 1988, space aliens have been barred from trick or treating in Bolingbrook.

“Melania Trump, who is the director of the United States Office of UFO Base Operations, issued a new set of directives,” read the press release from Clow UFO Base.  “Based on these directives, we have decided not to allow trick or treating by our visitors.”

Sources within Clow UFO Base provided copies of Melania’s directives.  While the documents do not directly specify Trick or Treating, they do stress that UFO Bases under Illuminati control must not “allow aliens to take ‘anything of value’ from resident humans without filling out impact statements.”

“It’s just too much bureaucracy,”  said an anonymous Clow official.  “Since it’s essentially aliens taking candy away from Bolingbrook’s children, we decided not to bother.  Think of it as (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) putting Bolingbrook’s kids first.”

Plojakwil, a resident of Kepler-62f, said she was disappointed in the ruling.

“I spend months crammed inside Clow UFO base for my job.  They just canceled the one time of year I get to go outside without a costume.  Thanks, Roger.”

Javekodosh, a scientist for the Interstellar Commonwealth, says the ban will hurt interstellar research:

“We can observe from a distance, we can insert probes, and we can consume your media.  Nothing, however, takes the place of face to face interactions with humans.  Some our best sociology studies of humans involved trick or treating.  This decision will hurt science in Bolingbrook.”

Javekodosh also questioned the rationale for the ban:

“If there are more trick or treaters, it means residents will have to buy more candy.  Increasing candy sales will help local businesses. More residents may consider handing out candy.  That means more candy for Bolingbrook’s children.”

Plojakwil says she plans on trick or treating in Rochelle instead:

“I’m taking my business to Hub 35 and the New World Order.  They allow us to trick or treat and the staff there are nicer.  If Roger doesn’t stand up to the Trumps, Clow will lose money.”

When reached for comment, a receptionist for Claar said: “Trick or Treating this year is allowed on October 31st from 4 PM to 7 PM.  Make sure you accompany your children or have a responsible teen to keep an eye on them.”

In the background, a woman who sounded like the unofficial advisor Charline Spencer said: “Senators Bob Corker and Jeff Flake have scored political points by distancing themselves from Trump.  You could—“

A man who sounded like Claar replied, “They’re quitters.  Do I look like a quitter?”

Also in the Babbler:

Black cats call for compassion during Halloween
Bolingbrook witches promise to protect village from evil spirits
Claar bans Nazi costumes in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/1/17

Are you an atheist who used to believe in God? Take this survey! (Out of character)

If you used to believe in God, and have about 30 minutes to spare, you might want to take this survey by the Atheist Research Collaborative:

“The study is open to those who are at least 18 years of age, and those who once believed in god(s) but do not now; this means you are not eligible to participate if you have always been an atheist/nonbeliever. The survey is a maximum of 76 questions, and a minimum of 64 questions.  On average, the survey should take 20 to 30 minutes to complete, although individuals may find that it takes them more or less time than this, depending on their answers. The survey can be found here.”

Joseph Langston ARC Affiliate/Web Admin

it’s not hard, but remember to keep an eye out for the trick questions.

Amid controversy, Joshie Berger opens a restaurant at Clow UFO Base (Fiction)

OOC Note: My issue is with Joshie Berger, not any form of Judaism.

By Reporter X

Worst Cooks in America winner Joshie Berger refused to address assault allegations made by an ex-girlfriend as he opened a new restaurant at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base.

“I don’t want to talk about an x-ray of a cracked eye socket.  I want to talk about the opening of Worst to First!  This is the story I want to tell.”

According to Berger, Worst to First features “Savory Secular Dishes with a dash of political incorrectness.”  He added, “I never am politically correct, and that’s why people love me.  You’ll also love my food.  Thanks to the Food Network, I’m now one of the best cooks in America, and visitors to Clow can enjoy my dogma-free dishes and say whatever they want.  No PC police allowed in my establishment!  Did I mention that I’m writing a book and I just found an interstellar publisher?”

DJ Grothe, former president of the James Randi Educational Foundation, and co-owner of Worst to First, sort of talked about the assault allegations against Berger.

“Both sides are wrong.  Sorry, wrong argument.  How do we know what is true?  The average person believes in UFOs, but all true rational people know that UFOs aren’t real.  Should we just take the word of someone without at least four rational witnesses?  I’m just playing devil’s advocate.  And despite what a certain sufferer of the ERA thinks, when I ran TAM, I never heard any complaints against Joshie within the prescribed time that I told every attendee about.  Any critic of post-modernism will agree with me.  So let’s stop talking about Facebook posts, and let’s unite the entire Atheist Movement behind Joshie’s cooking.”

During the opening day, the dishes received mixed reviews from the patrons.

Belzid, from the Kilitz Empire, said she loved her dish.  “I loved the Blackened Macaroni with American and Feta Cheese!  Most people would set a fire in the pan and walk away.  These noodles were burned with care!”

Zopastko, from the Polaris Alliance, did not like his dish.  “I ordered the BLT with fried lobster, and they gave me broiled lobster instead.  I was mad, but then Joshie came out and said a Yiddish word with his special accent.  How could I stay mad at him?”

While the opening night was busy, there was an incident when a human couple entered the restaurant.  Each one was wearing a faceplate.  Berger ran into the lobby and confronted them.

Berger:  You’re wearing face guards because you think I’m going to hit you, aren’t you?  Do you believe everything on the Internet?

Man:  Shalom Shabbat.  We —

Berger:  Shalom Shabbat?  It’s “Shabbat Shalom”. You’re (expletive deleted) Space Jews!

Woman:  We prefer to think of ourselves as members of the Interstellar Tribes of Israel.

Berger:  Well I prefer to think of you as Space Jews, and this is my place.  See the sign?  It says “No Political Correctness Allowed.”  So you’re Space Jews!

Woman: Maybe we should go elsewhere?

Berger:  Not yet.  You have to tell me why you’re wearing those things on your faces.

Man:  We are observing Parach today.

Berger:  Parach?

Woman:  Yes.  Centuries ago on Jaffa 4, all the plants suddenly experienced explosive growth.  The colony of David was covered under miles of branches and vines.  The inhabitants were down to a single tank of air.  So the survivors put on their respirators and prayed.  The tank only had enough air for one hour.

Man:  But a miracle occurred.  You know who spared the people of David, and the tank supplied seven days of air.  That was long enough for a rescue party to cut their way into the colony.

Woman:  So every time this year we wear replica respirators to remind ourselves that you know who is merciful as well as vengeful.  We might stay if you serve Jaffa kosher food.

Berger:  There’s no Kosher food of any kind served here, and what’s with all this “you know who” shtumpik?  How can you be a Space Jew and believe in God?

Man:  How could we see the marvels of the universe and not believe in you know who.  It is disrespectful to say His name.

Berger:  God!  God!  God!  God!

Man: You’re a schmuck, and we’re leaving.

Berger:  You’re the schmuck!  I’m the most famous gambler and cook in the skeptical movement.  People say I’m charming.  They say I’m funny.  That’s why I’m famous.  They can take away my social media accounts, but they can’t take away my restaurant.  And they can’t take away my guest spot on the Skeptics Guide to the Universe!  They have to have me on, even though I defected to the Illuminati.  Why?  Because I’m Joshie Berger and no true human being hates me!”

Also in the Babbler:

Eighty-year-old Bolingbrook pilot forced to rejoin the Air Force
Mayor Claar orders blast shelter for Village Hall.
Claar to Facebook:  Get rid of that parody page or I will ban Facebook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/26/17

Web Exclusive: Funds still needed for ‘Defense against Carrier SLAPP Suit’ (Mixed)

By Jenna Olson
Publisher of the Bolingbrook Babbler

We want to remind our readers that Dr. Richard Carrier is suing Freethought Blogs, The Orbit, Skepticon, and several individuals for the reporting of allegations of inappropriate behavior. There is a GoFundMe page to raise funds for the defendants.

From the page:

Dr. Richard Carrier is suing us for reporting on his well-known allegations of misconduct. These allegations were widely reported on throughout the community, including by third-parties both critical and sympathetic to him who are not themselves defendants.

This lawsuit has all the hallmarks of a SLAPP suit — a lawsuit filed to stifle legitimate criticism and commentary. The named defendants are Skepticon, The Orbit, and Freethought Blogs – as well as individuals Lauren Lane, the lead organizer of Skepticon; Stephanie Zvan, a blogger for The Orbit; PZ Myers, a blogger for Freethought Blogs; and Amy Frank-Skiba, who publicly posted her first-hand allegations against Carrier.

We need your help to keep our voices alive. All the defendants are represented by the same attorney, First Amendment lawyer Marc Randazza. Randazza is providing his services at a significant discount, but we are not asking him to work for free. Plus, there are thousands of dollars in “costs” for the case that don’t include legal bills, and there is no way to discount those. In order to continue fighting this lawsuit, we, the defendants of this case, have put together this campaign to raise money to defray our costs, some of which is outstanding.

Donations will be used only for this case, withdrawn by Stephanie Zvan and disbursed to the lawyers and defendants to cover costs as they’re accrued. In the event that the funds raised exceed our legal bills, they will be donated to Planned Parenthood and a breakdown of what was spent where will be performed at the close of this campaign.

We are pooling our defense costs with Skepticon, however as a 501(c)3 non-profit, Skepticon is also conducting its own fundraiser where donations may be tax-deductible (ask your tax advisor). Skepticon cannot use donations it receives to help pay the shares of other individuals or organizations, though, and any excess funds raised via their campaign will go to the Skepticon conference fund.

We are confident that the court will uphold our First Amendment rights. But, through time, stress, and of course financial expense, every case like this has a chilling effect. Your support enables us to fight, and creates a warmer environment – not just for us but for others in the future.

Thank you for your support of freedom of speech, and may your new year be powerful and effective!

-Amy Frank-Skiba

-Lauren Lane

-PZ Myers

-Stephanie Zvan

These cases are expensive, even if they are dismissed.  While this happened before we joined Freethought Blogs, we fully support all the defendants and hope you will consider supporting them too.