Bolingbrook’s Art Bell Party demands answers (Fiction)


Ten members of Bolingbrook’s Art Bell Party picketed in front of Clow Airport to demand an investigation into the death of radio host Art Bell. 

“We’re just asking questions,” said Art Bell party leader Michael Faith.  “Like, will (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) create a panel to verify no resident was involved in Art’s death?  For that matter, where was Roger yesterday?  Can he account for his whereabouts at the time of Art’s death? We want to know, and we think that every true Bolingbrook resident wants to know, too.”

Bell, who started the paranormal-themed radio show  Coast to Coast in 1988, died 4/13/18 at his home in Pahrump, NV.  At its peak, Coast to Coast was syndicated on 500 radio stations and had 15 million listeners.  In 1996, Bell was the first to report Chuck Shramek’s claim that a UFO was following Comet Hale-Bopp. Though stories about the alleged UFO may have inspired the Heaven’s Gate cult to commit mass suicide, Bell denied any responsibility for the incident.

“Art Bell taught us to not accept the official truth,” said Faith.  “So many other residents believe Bolingbrook is an average suburb, and Clow is only an airport.  There still are residents who laugh when I tell them Clow Airport is just a cover for a UFO Base.  Art opened our minds to the truth, and the Babbler told us the truth.”

Jane Z. Cantor, who will be running for Village trustee in 2019, believes there are too many coincidences surrounding Bell’s death:  “Why are we just now debating garbage toters?  Why was American Atheist president David Silverman fired before Art’s death?  Why were atheists holding a convention after Art’s death?  Why is there suddenly interest in organizing Bolingbrook Gay Pride events?  We want answers, and we’re going to keep asking until we hear what sounds like the truth!”

Faith believes Bell was about to make a major announcement about Bolingbrook:  “Could it be that Art was going to announce Clow UFO Base? Could the announcement have involved a scandal?  Could it be that someone in the village didn’t want that information to come out?  We need to know the facts, and there cannot be even a hint of doubt about the innocence of any village employee or official.”

A receptionist for Claar said he was in a meeting and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar,  said: “So Charlene, how is purging the Bolingbrook Friends page going to help me?  It’s supposed to be a friendly page about Bolingbrook.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Roger.  You don’t understand the full power of this group.  I’m going to show you with this post.  Let me borrow your account.”

“Let me see.  Wait.  My daughter has epidermis?  Of course, she has skin.”

“I just posted it.  Now refresh your browser.”

“Wow!  Look at all these thoughts and prayers!”

“Exactly.  It’s not a matter of having a Facebook Page with the most members.  It’s about having a Facebook page with the right members.”

“I see.  Well, I’d better delete this post before my daughter reads it.”

Also in the Babbler:

Sources say PZ Myers really loves his cat
Syrians agents set off stink bombs in Chicago
Russian weather attack fails to stop OrbitCon
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/18/18