Web Exclusive: Russian agents spotted at Will County polling sites (Fiction)


Multiple anonymous sources claim to have seen Russian operatives near many Will County voting locations.

Election Judge “Beth,” (real name withheld), said she was approached by Russian operatives the night before the election.  That night, two men approached her holding stacks of ballots.  The men claimed that they were Will County Ballots printed on “DuPage County quality paper.”  When she refused, the men told her that, “DuPage is the best rich county in Illinois.  Rich people always get the best ballots.  You want the best ballot paper from the best county.  You don’t want bad ballot paper from bad Will County.”

“I told them to leave before I called the police,” said Beth.  “I think I used language not fit for your publication.”

An anonymous election observer in Bolingbrook, who asked to be called Doug, said he spotted Russian operatives in Bolingbrook.  According to him, the election judges summoned Village Clerk Carol Penning.  The men, according to Doug, said that that they were fans of Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar — “Except they pronounced his last name, ‘Clarr,’ so I knew something was up.”

When the men offered Penning the ballots, she replied that it was against the law for her to accept them, and even if she did, the type of paper used couldn’t be read by the county’s optical readers. Penning said they were friends of Bolingbrook, then offered the men membership in the Bolingbrook Friends Facebook group.  The men said they would consider her offer, then left.  The source claimed that Penning then turned towards the judge, smiled and pointed at her “What Would Roger Do?” bracelet.

On election day, DuPage County’s scanners couldn’t be shut down.  Initial reports suggested a problem with the paper stock used for the ballots.  When this reporter visited a polling site in Naperville, an official, who wished to remain anonymous, insisted the problem had nothing to do with the Russians.

“You’re funny.  Seriously, the problem is we can’t remove the memory card until we scan an ender page into the machine, and our ender page is too thick to fit.  We didn’t have this problem during the testing phase, so I don’t know what happened.  All the sites in DuPage County are having this problem.  So we’re going to have to bring our machines to Wheaton to have the memory cards removed.  All the close races will have to be resolved tomorrow.  It looks bad, I know, but merging the DuPage Election Commission with the County Clerk’s Office is not the answer!”

An election judge then walked up to the voting machine.  “Why are you doing this to us!” she asked.  “We’re Naperville.  We have a reputation to uphold.”  She started kicking the machine.  “Malfunctioning voting machines are not part of that reputation!”