First Party canvassing robot crashes into house (Fiction)

First Party for Bolingbrook robot crashed into a resident’s house. According to eyewitnesses, no one was injured, but the robot made a large hole in the wall.

Adam, a resident who asked that we not use his last name, described what happened.

“I heard this loud bang from the living room. When I arrived, I saw a wheeled robot with the First Party logo painted on it. I yelled at it, then realized that it might have been a bad idea. It turned it cameras at me, and said that if I enjoyed living in Bolingbrook, I should thank the First Party. Well, I did like Bolingbrook, until this happened.”

Another resident witnessed the robot crash into the house. “First it drove up to me, and asked if I was supporting the First Party. I said no. It spit out a pamphlet at me and said it would change my mind. Then it charged at my neighbor’s house. Let’s just say I don’t think robots will replace human canvassers soon.”

Sources within the First Party confirmed they owned the robot, and were planning on using it to counter the Bolingbrook Independant Voices party’s “drone advantage.”

One source explained. “Our polling suggests voters are swayed by areal drone videos. They think a political party that uses drones is forward thinking. We’re countering this by using automated canvassers. Because in politics, you need to win the ground war, not the air war.”

The sources agreed the robot crashed into the house because of its blue color. The robot’s AI believes everything blue is the sky, and therefore didn’t recognize the house. Until programmers can correct the problem, the First Party will stop using the drones.

As for the damage, Adam claimed the First Party sent contractors to repair the damage. He also claimed that Trustee Michael Carpanzano visited the house. After handing a check to Adam, Carpanzano took a selfie with him. Adam agreed not to sue the First Party.

“Their people did such a great job. It’s like it never happened. Money has a way of soothing hurt feelings. But I’m still voting for the BIV slate.”

When reached for comment, BIV candidate and Village Trustee Sheldon Watts said, “My running mate would love to spend a mental health day with your staff.”

Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta, the leader of the First Party for Bolingbrook, denies the First Party has robots. “If it weren’t for social media, we wouldn’t need to campaign for votes.”

Alexander-Basta asked the reporter to stay on the phone because she might have “Earth shattering news.” She then called Village IT staffer Alice into her office.

A digital voice then said, “Blood Sucked at the Corpse Bite Cafe across the Rift, by BrookBot. Annette Buick is a woman, but she’s not like other women. She carries a big sword, can change into an animal, has distant Native American relatives, doesn’t wear makeup, hates dresses, and practices magic, but only after each magical apocalypse. Two werewolves, a zombie sex worker, two manipulative vampires, and an angry skeptic blogger pursue her,. But really, why choose? While repairing cars next to a UFO Base, a police officer, who sincerely wants to protect his community, tells Annette that a friend of hers is being framed for a crime. To save her fairy co-lover, Annette must confront an easily distracted 1000-year-old vampire sorcerer, and fight off a weredeer army determined to destroy every golf club in the world! Can she win? Don’t think! Buy Blood Sucked at the Corpse Bite Cafe across the Rift!”

“Amazing,” said Alice.

“So BrookBot is sentient and creative?”

“No, and no. It just combined the Mercedes Thompson series, the Anita Blake series, the Kate Daniels series, and the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. Don’t confuse brute force with creativity.”

Also in the Babbler:

World loses an hour!
Village to announce three finalists to design the 1000 foot statue of former mayor Roger Claar
Downstate Republicans threaten to call Bolingbrook a ‘woke’ community
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/20/23

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

I am also the author of the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter. Pathways to Bolingbrook, A Fire in the Shadows, and The Rift are available at Amazon and elsewhere.

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