By Reporter X

Sen. Cory Booker told supporters at Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base that the postponement of the Interplanetary Primary forced him to suspend his campaign. 

“The polls showed that I was going to win in a landslide,” said Booker through a video chat.  “A victory would have allowed me to transfer the funds from my Interstellar Campaign fund to my campaign fund on Earth. Then I could have run enough ads to put me above 3% in the polls!”

Booker next accused both the Illuminati and New World Order of sabotaging his campaign:

“We all knew the Illuminati would try to hack the polling places, and place deceptive ads.  Those billboards on Mercury were the worst.  What we didn’t expect was for the New World Order to give up on my campaign so soon.  As a member of the New World Order—let me be honest here—I feel hurt.  I’ve served the NWO for my entire political career.  I set up my campaign to please them.  I accepted money from Wall Street and the pharmaceutical industry.  I co-sponsored Medicare for All and supported private medical insurance.  I supported legalizing cannabis and banning BDS.  I had just the right mix of policies that should have appealed to everyone.  All I needed was a good solid push from the leadership.  Instead, they panicked when (Sen. Bernie Sanders) defected to the Illuminati.  Instead of supporting my balanced plans, they split their support between (Vice President Joe Biden) and those two billionaires.  How could I compete with that?”

Officially, the Democratic Interplanetary Primary was postponed to March due to hackers threatening to tell the Iowa and New Hampshire Democratic parties that it was going to occur in January.  While delegates selected during the primary can’t vote until the fourth round of delegate voting at the Democratic Convention, it was feared that Iowa and New Hampshire would try to move up their voting dates.

“Heaven forbid if the most diverse electorate in the solar system got to vote ahead of Iowans,” Booker sarcastically said.  

The Interplanetary Primary is only for registered Democrats who live off-world.  Aliens are not permitted to vote in the primary.

Near the end of his speech, a Sanders supporter threw a Molotov cocktail at the screen:

“No more compromises!  No more half-assed solutions!  Vote for Bernie or get burned!”

Security arrested the man.  As they dragged him out, he shouted, “Vote Huffman!  Morrison fights transpeople, not taxes!”

Booker shook his head:  “We can’t let the Illuminati divide us and divide the world.  We have our differences, sure.  But we have to come together if we want to unite humanity and reject the divisive propaganda of the Illuminati.  I’m going to support whoever our leadership selects to bring our message to the American people.  I urge everyone here to do the same.”

After Booker concluded his speech, Sen. Elizabeth Warren appeared on the screen:

“Hi, Cory.  Sorry you had to leave the race like this.  I just wanted to let you know that I have a plan to defeat the Illuminati and get Bernie back on our side.  But I need your help.”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.