Web Exclusive: Village of Bolingbrook starts Bitcoin mining operation (Fiction)


Faced with Illinois’s financial uncertainties, sources say Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar is using the village’s computers to mine for Bitcoins.

BitcoinA source with ties to Bolingbrook’s IT Commission explained the decision: “Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I mean bold measures.  Yes, bold measures!  Roger is making bold decisions!  That’s why he’s mayor.”

Bitcoin, a currency found on the Internet, was introduced in 2009.  It is popular among libertarians, hackers, and people who don’t trust governments.  Special computer programs mine for newly created Bitcoins.

Another source explained Claar’s interest in Bitcoins:  “Right now, One Bitcoin is worth $2541.80.  Imagine what we could do with a bunch of them!”

A village employee, who asked to be called Jane, said Roger personally installed a Bitcoin mining program on her PC.  “He said it would make money for the village.  I started to ask a question, but then he added that if I stopped asking questions, he would also install a screensaver with pictures of his granddaughter.  How could I resist?”

Another employee, who asked to be called Beth, said she told Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz about the mining operation:  “I showed him my screen, and said I was making money for the village.  I tried to rub it in and say that Roger is a genius.  He just looked at the screen and said it was interesting.  Then he walked over to Roger’s office and slowly knocked on the door.  I got out of there because I had a bad feeling.”

The following is a transcript of Jaskiewicz’s conversation with Claar compiled from eyewitness accounts:

Jaskiewicz:  Are you really Bitcoin mining?

Claar:  Yes.  We have to think outside of the box if we’re going to survive.  The state is on the verge of junk bond status, and we could lose control of our property taxes.  Bitten coin mining could save our revenue stream.  Have you seen the current exchange rate?  Personally, it’s about time I got something good from the Internet!

Jaskiewicz: Roger, you’re going to spend more on electricity than you’ll earn in Bitcoins.  That’s assuming you find a reputable exchange site.  You’d be better off farming World of Warcraft Gold or Eve Online ISK.  Still, either of those ideas won’t make up for the loss in state revenue.

Claar:  What do you suggest?

Jaskiewicz:  For starters, the Bolingbrook Golf Club—

Claar:  You keep my golf club out of this!

When called for comment, a receptionist for said Claar was busy and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like intern Charlene said, “Good news, Roger!  I just sent a message to all the Democratic leaders in Cook County telling them they’re not invited to The All-American Celebration on July 4.”

“I hope you didn’t send a message to Representative Dan Lipinski.  He helped me out in the last election.  Daily Kos says he might have been the key to my victory.”

“Uh oh.”

“Oh don’t worry.  I have Dan on speed dial.  We’ll get this straightened out.”

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