Off-world Jews kicked out of the Chicago Dyke March (Fiction)


By Reporter X

Ten Jewish lesbians — from the solar system of the Lost Tribes of Israel — were kicked out of the Chicago Dyke March, along with three Jewish Earthlings.  They were removed from the march because they were rallying behind a gay pride flag with a Star of David.

According to the Windy City Times, the flags “made people feel unsafe,” because the march was “anti-Zionist” and “pro-Palestinian.”

Navit, a resident of the Asher world, was outraged by the decision: “I traveled several light years and endured a bus ride from Bolingbrook to make this march.  Now they’re kicking me out because of the Star of David?  Why wasn’t this a problem the previous three times I attended?”

Kalanit, a resident of the Levi world, was confused by the expulsion.  “I don’t agree with what the state of Israel is doing to the Palestinians.  We had nothing to do with the current situation.  It happened decades before we reestablished contact with Earth.  Besides, even the Jews on Earth have different opinions on the treatment of Palestinians under Israeli occupation.  Expelling us from a march doesn’t help.  It just pushes us into the arms of Prime Minister Netanyahu.”

“Ew!” Said Navit.  “Seriously, if you have a problem with the Israeli government, you should protest them, and leave other Jews out of it.”

Iliana Figueroa, a member of the Dyke March Collective, gave the following statement to the Chicagoist:

“Yesterday, during the rally, we saw three individuals carrying Israeli flags super imposed on rainbow flags. Some folks say they are Jewish Pride flags. However, as a Collective, we are very much pro-Palestine. When we see these flags we know a lot of folks who are under attack by Israel see the visuals of the flag as a threat, so we don’t want anything in the [Dyke March] space that can inadvertently or advertently express Zionism,” she said. “So we asked the folks to please leave. We told them people in the space were feeling threatened.”

Another member, who spoke anonymously to the Babbler, also defended the decision:

“If these aliens believed in justice, they would invade Israel and liberate the Palestinians.  They don’t.  So we know what their real agenda is!”

Both alien women say they still intend to visit the Chicago area in the future.

“The members of Kol Hadash and Beth Chaverim are always very welcoming to us.  They understand that preserving Jewish culture doesn’t mean believing in God.  These congregations alone make the trip to Earth worthwhile.”

They also said they would continue to attend Pride events on Earth, but will avoid the Chicago Dyke March in the future.

“When did being Jewish and being a queer become incompatible?” They asked.

Also in the Babbler:

Anonymous fooled into leaking fake alien video
Sources:  Mayor Claar asked to host talk show on Fox News
Transphobic AI obsessed with suspending Facebook accounts
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/1/17