Audiobook narrator Teri Schnaubelt was kind enough to read an excerpt from my novel The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story. I don’t have a link to the TikTok live video, but I uploaded her audio file to YouTube:
It’s currently available in eBook and paperback editions. If enough people are interested, I might produce an audiobook with Teri or another narrator. You can let me know in the comments.
Actress and audiobook narrator Teri Schnaubelt will read an excerpt from my novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, and excerpts from other self-published authors. It will be live-streamed on her TikTok starting on Monday at 8 PM CST.
@terischnaubelt Never before heard in audio! Live Oct 17 8pm central. Scenes from books by indie authors! Different genres. #booktok #audiobooktok #audiobooknarrator #audiobooks #live #listenlive #bookish #books #indieauthorsoftiktok #terischnaubelt @William Brinkman_Author @Lisa Amowitz YA fantasy author @Ruby Duvall 〜 Romance Author @emilycolinbooks @Vicky Walklate – Author @Melinda_Valentine @Kenzie Macallan📚 Author ♬ Don’t Know Why – Norah Jones
I’m looking forward to it. Right now, I don’t have plans to release an audiobook version of The Rift with a human narrator. I have an auto-narrated version on Google Play, but that’s just so people with visual impairment can hear it. AI narration isn’t ready for fictional works. When I have the budget, I will replace it with a version narrated by a person. While I have some of the equipment to record an audiobook, I don’t think I could pull off the character’s voices for 6+ hours.
Fortunately, I have an audiobook version of Pathways to Bolingbrook narrated by Rachanee Lumayno. Her performance outshines any of the current AI voices. I hope you’ll check out the audiobook, which is available on Amazon, Kobo, and other sites.
Fentanyl addiction is no joke, but saying drug cartels will be giving free Fentanyl to trick or treaters is. Rebecca Watson has the details:
By Reporter X
A team of contractors hired by DuPage Township secretly removed an air generator from Clow UFO Base, thus escalating tensions between the township and the Village of Bolingbrook.
Township Supervisor Gary Marschke praised the actions of the “repossession team,” during a conference call with interstellar media outlets. Marschke claims that a previous township board bought the generator from the Village of Bolingbrook without soliciting bids. He added the Township has been paying to power and maintain the generator for years.
“The Village of Bolingbrook enjoyed free, fresh air in their pavilion at our expense! I guess the previous board was too busy suing each other to notice.”
According to Marschke, the Township sent a moving crew to remove the generator, but Clow security chased them away. Marschke said he had no choice to but hire a repossession crew to remove it.
Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta later read a short statement to the media disputing Marschke’s allegations:
“That generator was a gift from the Township to the Village. That means we use it and they pay for it. Make no mistake: Stealing our air generator is the second outrageous act by the township this year. The first was when (Township Administrator) Jackie Traynere took a vacation!”
Clow employees, who wished to remain anonymous, stated they believe a team of acrobats, actors, hackers, and street racers stole the generator from the Claar Cultural Pavilion. They also confirmed that the team didn’t use any explosives or weapons during the repossession/heist.
“They were really good,” said an anonymous security official. “I kept my eyes on the screens and they still snuck it out of Clow. Well, maybe I did take my eyes off the screen when an attractive person asked me what time it was. Who asks for the time when you can just look at your phone?”
The anonymous employees also confirmed they attempted to install an older generator in the Pavilion, but it exploded once it was turned on. The blast harmed no one.
Marschke said the Township sold the generator to the Venusian government for a profit, and intended to use the credits to fund programs to help alien youths and seniors.
“Maybe the mayor can ask (Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar) to use his interstellar campaign fund to buy a new generator.”
Claar’s personal assistant said he was negotiating with a printer to publish his self-help book Quit While You’re Ahead, and Don’t be Quiet About It.
In the background, a man who sounded like Claar yelled: “I know you’re locked inside this building. I’ve been calling and emailing you guys for two months! No one answers me. That’s unacceptable. Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Mayor Emeritus of Bolingbrook!”
Someone replied, “And we’re IngramSpark and we don’t care!”
Also in the Babbler:
Clow to allow aliens to visit Bolingbrook during Halloween
Awake Illinois to print ‘corrected edition’ of the Bible
‘America’s Next Celebrity Atheist’ to film in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/6/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.
I finally figured out how to post an audio sample from my current audiobook, Pathways to Bolingbrook. It’s a collection of two paranormal/contemporary fantasy stories that kick off The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories series. Rachanee Lumayno narrates both stories. It features Sara, who also appears in The Rift, and Miriam, who will be featured in future works.
It’s also available in eBook and paperback. For a limited time, you can get a copy when you subscribe to my author newsletter.
This week I’m working on an exclusive short story for my newsletter subscribers. Years after the events in Pathways to Bolingbrook, Miriam is now a vampire named Lydia. While investigating why an army of weredeer is gathering outside of Bolingbrook, Lydia crosses paths with Sara, now the editor of the Babbler. But she isn’t the only one who’s taken an interest in Sara. Can Lydia protect Sara from a threat that’s even more dangerous than the gathering weredeer?
I’m hoping to have it ready in October. If you want to make sure you catch the debut, subscribe to my newsletter. And the other books in the series, Pathways to Bolingbrook, and The Rift are on sale at Amazon and other vendors. Back to my other screen!
By Reporter X
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis diverted over 150,000 Betelgeuse refugees to Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base. Clow officials confirmed that is far more refugees than Clow can safely shelter.
At a press conference with members of the interstellar media, Clow officials accused DeSantis of refusing to house any refugees in their 5 Floridian bases. They also produced communication logs proving that DeSantis never contacted Clow officials about his planned diversion.
Sofia Z. Hernandez, Director of Refugee Affairs for Clow, denounced DeSantis’s diversion of refugee transports: “He did this to trigger people. Well, I am triggered. Not by the overwhelming number of refugees he sent to us, but by his incredible incompetence!”
Many refugees claim DeSantis promised them that Clow would provide them with free human suits, free meals, and jobs.
“This governor human said Bolingbrook was a land of blue milk and green honey,” said Klego, a refugee with three children. “Instead, we were received by crews yelling obscenities and saying we were given counterfeit chips. All because DeSantis didn’t want us landing in his arbitrary political district.”
Lopost, a starship commander, is furious with DeSantis: “We have been through so much trauma. My wife was incinerated when she tried to rescue one more of our eggs. I was barely able to pilot my ship through the shockwave. My passengers are in shock. We are suffering, and this DeSantis human used us as currency to fuel his own political base. We are living beings, not invaders. We were going to share our cold fusion technology with humanity, but not any more.”
Though DeSantis is a member of the Illuminati, the leadership denies sanctioning the diversion.
“(Ron DeSantis) has some balls to try and inflict chaos on our sacred society,” said US Master Councilor Graphite Fire. “We need to maintain good relations with the Interstellar Commonwealth if we want to gain control of all of Earth’s UFO Bases. Ron’s stunt is damaging our galactic reputation. We look like bumbling sociopaths, not bringers of righteous chaos! He will pay for this.”
Clow officials released a recording of a conversation between Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta and Governor DeSantis, which included this tense exchange:
Alexander-Basta: You should have called us before diverting all these refugees to Clow. You know we have a process for dealing with refugees, right?
DeSantis: I don’t care. I saw an opportunity to make little people like you squirm at all the icky aliens polluting your base!
Alexander-Basta: They’re not icky!
DeSantis: Then why are you complaining?
Alexander-Basta: Because we thought you were going to honor your commitment to house these refugees.
DeSantis: Illegals.
Alexander-Basta: Refugees. They’re here legally. Now if you had told us you were diverting them here, we would have been better prepared. Fortunately, other visitors are volunteering to help, along with the students in Humanoid Corrective Learning. We’re coming to together to help—
DeSantis: But you’re also complaining—
Alexander-Basta: I’m complaining about the mess you made.
DeSantis: I don’t create messes. I create problems for my opponents to make me look better. Now you better change your attitude, miss, because I’m going to be the President.
Alexander-Basta: Seriously? You’re being inhumane because—
DeSantis: Because that’s what excites human Republican voters! While Donald is bumbling in court, I’m actively screwing over undesirables. The moment he’s indicted, he’ll be revealed as a sick bumbling fool, while I’m the man who has total control of Florida — Because I’m presenting myself as a man actively harming the undesirables. I know how to destroy democracies in less than one term in office. I am the Florida government, and I hurt, arrest, threaten, humiliate, and destroy anyone in the name of entertaining my supporters. So you’d better start sucking up to me before I start sucking the life out of your village!
Alexander-Basta: What is it about Florida that brings out the worst in men?
DeSantis: Unlimited power, but I’ll make sure you never have that.
Alexander-Basta: I can’t hear you. We have a bad connection. You need to come to my office and say that to my face.
*DeSantis ends the call*
DeSantis could not be reached for comment.
The ambassadors from Mercury and Venus confirmed that they will house most of the refugees, and Clow should resume normal traffic in a week or two.
Also in the Babbler:
Interstellar court rules Rep. Sean Casten’s re-election campaign is not a slanderous attack against Keith Pekau
SAFE-T Act does not allow aliens to eat police officers
Weredeer endorse Catalina Lauf against Rep. Bill Foster
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/21/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.
The Rift is on sale.
From now until the end of Friday, you can get the eBook version of The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story for $.99.
The Rift is an urban fantasy/sci-fi novel inspired by the Deep Rifts/Elevatorgate. A public rift has erupted within the atheist/skeptical movement. Pro-social justice skeptics are rallying to form Humanist Heart as a progressive alternative two the two establishment organizations. Mens Rights Activists and so-called moderates are rallying against what they claim is a feminist takeover of “their” movement. Blogger Tom Larsen is a rising star known for his posts portraying “modern feminists” as a threat to the movement. He’s secretly mad at progressive podcaster Jamie Kyle for a video that indirectly criticized his behavior towards her at a convention. On the verge of becoming a full-fledged MRA, Tom discovers that Jamie and Humanist Heart will be in his hometown of Bolingbrook for a special congress. Tom is so desperate to confront Jamie that he’s willing to ally with the Babbler, the local tabloid known for its wild paranormal claims about Bolingbrook.
But Tom’s worldview is shattered when his test assignment for the Babbler ends when a weredeer attacks him and he wakes up inside Clow UFO Base. The movement he defeated is built on a public lie. As Tom Lear not he truth, MRA protesters menacingly rally outside the congress. A weredeer army gathers outside of Bolingbrook. Time rifts open throughout Bolingbrook and the aliens have an assignment for Tom. Tom needs answers. The Babbler and Jamie are the only ones who can help him. Can Tom get past his rage and face the unbelievable truth about the movement and himself before the rift unleashes a dark future for humanity?
Find out in The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story.
It’s been a while since we featured an article from one of our sister publications. This week’s article comes from the Illinois Rochelle Reader.
During a special ceremony at Hub 35 UFO Base, the New World Order honored the Cheney family for their “pioneering work dismantling democracy in the name of democracy.”
Host Rep. Adam Kinzinger started off by praising former Vice-president Dick Cheney: “There was once a time the former Vice-president was considered the evilest human in the solar system. You know the reasons: Torture, stretching the truth in order to invade Iraq, botching the response to Katrina, ruling from the shadows, turning a blind eye to voter suppression in Ohio, and so on. Thirteen years later, he hasn’t changed, but the world has. Today, he’s considered a defender of democracy due to his daughter! Dick is proof that if you live long enough, you can become the hero.”
The former Vice-president proudly accepted the first certificate before addressing the audience: “Quite frankly, I’m surprised I’m still alive, but it must mean God’s not finished with me… Which means I’m not finished with the world.”
Former VP Chaney also acknowledged that he was speaking on 9/11. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have expected the President to pay attention to the daily intelligence brief. And the President reading The Pet Goat wasn’t the best visual. He knew I had things under control, but he could have pretended he was urgently needed. But it worked out in the end. We ended up with secret search warrants, mass surveillance, and two profitable wars for our friends. Thanks to the fear and anger caused by 9/11, the right people were in charge.”
The former VP then slammed former President Donald Trump: “He’s a clueless amateur who has squandered all of our advancements. We were on the verge of a new world order, and he unleashed global chaos because there is no international crime he won’t commit! He had, and still has, no vision. He used our supporters’ anger to storm the capitol. We used it to destroy (The Chicks.) He’s so bad even the Illuminati kicked him out.”
Representative Liz Cheney graciously accepted her certificate: “After the insurrection, I sincerely thought Trump was going down. So I moved to reclaim my family’s rightful place as leaders of the Republican Party. That didn’t go quite as planned. It was painful to admit to myself that I wasn’t the kind of Chaney who could shoot someone in the face, and then have them apologize to the media for getting in the way of my bullet.”
Representative Cheney added that she isn’t finished: “I’m going to make a lot of money speaking out against Trump, and running a futile campaign against him. And then I’m going to invest that money on an oil rig on Europa. With the sole drilling rights on Europa, I’ll be the next Elon Musk, and ‘the Donald’ will regret the day he tried to kill me!”
Mary Cheney accepted her certificate and denounced Trump’s homophobic followers: “I worked hard for my wife, my children, my corporate jobs, and everything else a Cheney is entitled to. I will not be canceled by the Karens and Kens of the world who don’t know the difference between a pedophile and a pedagogue! The New World Order wants a world run by the right people pretending to be kinder and gentler than other autocrats. We may be down, but we’re not out, and we will rise again. E pluribus unum! Out of many, one, and we are the right ones.”
She also added that she looked forward to the day the NWO recaptured Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base from the Illuminati.
When called, a receptionist for Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said, “Oh my God. The Babbler metastasized!”
In the background, a young woman said, “Good news! Mark Leslie has agreed to write A Canadian Werewolf in Bolingbrook series. Now we’ve got a chance to recoup the losses from that Bolingbrook history book.”
A man replied: “I have good news too. Thanks to my positive thinking, and with a little help from the IT Department, I have made contact with the TikTok algorithm! We’ll dominate Booktok and hit the bestseller lists.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Watch. TikTok? How do we make a video go viral?”
A digital voice replied: “Make short videos. Make long videos. Do page flips. Don’t do page flips. Share on Instagram. Don’t share on Instagram. Share with your friends first. Share everywhere! Show your face! Use trending sounds. Use your own voice! Music! Music Music and silence! Don’t show your face. Delete Bots. Embrace your bots! Remove my logo! Don’t remove my logo. Follow everyone. Follow no one. Follow who you want to see. Follow who I want you to see. Community Guideline Violation! You lose!”
“I could have told you that,” said the woman.
Also in the Rochelle Reader:
Village board rejects funding for 9000-foot Trump statue
Aliens buzz residents with hypersonic golf carts
Walmart withdraws offer to buy Rochelle but not UHC
God to bless Rochelle on 9/17/22
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.
My book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories, is now available on Amazon and elsewhere. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.
The Podish-Sortacast is this Saturday! This month’s title is “Nerdgasm.” I can’t make this panel, but I have a feeling it will be a fun and lighthearted show.