In 2021, could Bolingbrook residents look up at the night sky and see an ad for a village event? Some anonymous sources say the village will invest in orbiting “community service” promotions.
According to the sources, the village will buy advertisements from SmartRocket. They will look like star constellations, but will actually be a synchronized group of CubeSats. The initial ads will only have text. There is, however, talk of adding images and video to future ads.
One of the sources explained: “Nobody reads the fake press, I mean the local press. It harms local community groups. So it’s the village’s responsibility to promote groups whose members create harmony instead of chaos every election year.”
The sources did not specify how much the village would budget for orbiting ads, but SmartRocket confirmed that they sell eight hours of ads for $20,000.
Another source defended the ad buy: “Bolingbrook is an exceptional village, and our promotion needs to be exceptional. We might incur some more debt, but it will be good debt! That’s why the residents elected Trustee Michael Carpanzano. He has the marketing background necessary to bring Bolingbrook to the night sky.”
Judith, who asked that we not use her last name, is looking forward to the ads: “Stars are so boring to look at, and it’s not like you can see many of them here. It’s will be nice to look up and see something useful. (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) is a genius!”
Patricia, who asked that we not use her last name, wants to stop the: “It’s bad enough seeing a satellite fly by when looking up at the stars. Now I fear that I will look up at the sky and see a video of Roger! This is one of the reasons God will eventually get around to smiting Bolingbrook. We need less light pollution, not more light pollution tor ads!”
Claar denied any plans to buy orbiting ads: “No! No! Not true! I am not buying flying ads. And offering free recycling lids does not mean I am appeasing the talking skunks or the wereskunks, or whatever your made-up skunks are called!”
In the background, several people screamed. A woman who sounded like DuPage Township Trustee Alyssia Benford then said, “They can’t be stopped. You’ve got to admire their purity of purpose.”
“Who can’t be stopped?”
“You have my sympathies.”
“Where are you going?”
A few seconds later, more people screamed and started running. A woman who sounded like Village Clerk Carol Penning cried, “We were wrong. We were so wrong.”
“You know we never say the ‘W’ word in Village Hall.”
“But they’re out of our control. They didn’t stop with the DuPage Township. They kept going. They—”
“Who are you running from?” asked Claar. “It can’t—Oh my God!”
A man with a downstate accent then said, “Your clerk is double dipping the taxpayers of Bolingbrook by collecting two salaries. She must resign.”
“She will not resign,” Claar replied. “You will go (expletive deleted) yourself!”
Also in the Babbler:
Russian snow attack angers residents
Aliens hope to attend Bolingbrook Pride Picnic
Mayor Claar to take over Clow UFO Base on 5/1/19
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/16/19
Note: This is a work of fiction.