We get it. You don’t want to choose from among the three establishment political parties. You don’t want to cast a write-in vote that will not be counted. You want to make a statement. You don’t want the tabulator to record that you didn’t vote for an approved candidate. You want to make a statement to the tabulator before they record that you didn’t vote for an approved candidate. We hear you.
So we would like to recommend these alternative political parties to write on your ballot. You’ll make a statement, even if your vote won’t count.
For those of you who lean to the Right, we recommend voting for the Zero Tax Party. We still haven’t figured out how “Zero taxes=Infinite revenue!” Maybe it’s based on the same economic principle that allowed the Bolingbrook Park District to lower their taxes and generate more revenue for the playgrounds? We don’t know.
However, we do know that many of you don’t like to pay taxes, and reject the notion that taxes are the cost of maintaining civilization. There’s no better way to tell the government that you hate paying for the police, fire department, and roads, than to vote for the Zero Tax Party.
For those of you on the Left, we recommend voting for the Al Gore Party. They are right when they state that the climate that Bolingbrook expanded under is going away. Bolingbrook will have to deal with periods of too much rain followed by too little rain. Potential crop failures, refugees from the Southern United States, and more dangerous heat waves, will impact our community.
Now a village board under Bolingbrook United might be more receptive to an environmental message. Or, maybe Claar might act if enough residents demand action to deal with climate change: But that wouldn’t be making a statement like writing “The Al Gore Party” on your ballot.
Politics in Bolingbrook can be messy— Especially when people from Edgar County insert themselves into it. But why make compromises or risk the wrath of Claar when you can easily make a statement by voting for one of these two parties?
Also in the Babbler:
Editorial Board suggestion for Village Trustees (Mainstream Parties)
Claar vetos accepting Brexit refugees
Clow UFO Base announces the schedule for visiting Presidential candidates
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/22/19
Note: This is a work of fiction.