Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook Antifa denied booth at Village Picnic (Fiction)


Content notice: Satirical depictions of Fascists. Reminder: This is a work of fiction.

Organizers of the Village of Bolingbrook Annual Picnic denied a booth application from the Bolingbrook chapter of Antifa, a controversial anti-fascist movement.

Antifa, a coalition of anarchists, communists, and liberals opposed to fascism, has been involved in violent clashes with Trump supporters and neo-Nazis.  While the Bolingbrook chapter has no history of violence, organizers say the group does not fit with the theme of the picnic.

One organizer, who wished to remain anonymous, explained the commission’s decision:  “This is a family friendly event with free food, fun contests, and the opportunity to meet with representatives of community service groups.  There’s no room for politics here —  especially the radical politics espoused by antipasto, or whatever they call themselves.  We want Republicans and Democrats to come here in peace and community spirit.  Well, maybe we don’t want Cook County Democrats here, but you get the picture.”

Che Castro, who wore a hood during our interview, said she was disappointed with the decision.  “We do provide a community service by defending Bolingbrook’s diverse population against alt-white terrorists.  Our ancestors fought a world war against fascists, and we called them the greatest generation.  We fight against fascists and the corporate press compares us to terrorists.”

According to members of Bolingbrook Antifa, the group had planned many activities at their tables:  In addition to handing out flyers, visitors could spend money to shred printouts of right wing memes.  They could also pay to “dissect” a Pepe the Frog doll.  (Pepe the Frog is a cartoon frog that was appropriated by the so-called alt-right.)  Visitors to the booth could also watch members demonstrate “self-defense” techniques.

Bruce, a member of Bolingbrook Antifa, denied that Antifa is a violent group:  “Bolingbrook Antifa denounces people who want to shoot politicians.  We believe in peaceful protests.  We just don’t believe in pacifism.  If fascists are going to charge at us with sticks, we’re going to fight back!  Just like our comrades did in Berkeley.  Power to the People!”

Members of the Pepe Fan Club of Bolingbrook claim they are disappointed with the decision to ban Antifa:

Joe, who wore plastic padding and a football helmet, explained:  “We were ready to prove our genetic superiority by drinking bottles of milk in front of their booth.  Then we were planning to say triggering words to get them to hit us.  Then we would have to defend ourselves until the police arrested them!  It could have been a powerful display of support for the white race.”

When asked what his group stood for, Joe replied by holding up printouts of memes and flashing various hand gestures.  Finally, he did cite a precise policy.

“We want to see the peaceful ethnic cleansing of Bolingbrook, just like Richard Spencer advocates.  We will make Bolingbrook all white for the first time, and it will be glorious!  Heil Bolingbrook!  Heil victory!  Bring me a Tiki Torch!”

Both sides say they will not protest at the Village Picnic, but went on to say that there would be a confrontation between them “soon.”  They agreed that this confrontation will not happen this weekend.

The Village of Bolingbrook Annual Picnic is on June 25 at Town Center.  It runs from Noon to Six PM.

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