According to anonymous sources in Village Hall, a dramatic series, based on Bolingbrook’s Snow Command, will debut on YouTube next month.
The synopsis for “Snow Command: Bolingbrook” states: “Alexandra, a young brilliant leader, is assigned to Bolingbrook’s new Snow Command team. Her team of young and diverse snow fighters must work together to fight record snowfalls to keep the greatest village in Illinois operating. But enemies from Cook County and within the team threaten to divide the team as merciless storms threaten to bury Bolingbrook under feet of snow. Will Alexandra lead her team to victory or will the united efforts of their selfish foes bring down Bolingbrook?”
According to the sources, the series is being produced by “top California talent,” and funded by the Citizens for Bolingbrook political action committee, run by former Mayor Roger Claar.
A source within CFB confirmed the existence of the series and defended the decision to produce it: “TV ads are limited in their ability to persuade voters. A TV series is another matter. Just research the CSI Effect! If we can make Bolingbrook’s Snow Command popular, and if viewers confuse the main character with (Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta), she’ll win the consolidated election!”
The Babbler obtained a trailer for the series. It features scenes of snowplows digging out residential homes, and rescuing stranded motorists. Alexandra makes statements like: “I don’t care if you’re tired. I don’t care if your family misses you. If we don’t keep the streets clear, there won’t be a Bolingbrook.”
In another scene, a woman who resembles Jackie Traynere, Will County Board member, and mayoral candidate, says: “My team uses Cook County salt, and it’s good enough for me.”
Alexandra replies: “It’s not good enough for Bolingbrook!”
Another scene shows a man yelling at Alexandra about a snowplow destroying his mailbox and blocking his neighbor’s driveway. She replies: “What’s one mailbox and one driveway compared to the accessibility of Boughton Road?”
In the final scene, an African-American member of the team is in a Zoom chat with a woman from Florida.
Woman: When their GPS trackers go down, block off Village Hall!
Man: But Alexandra said we have to keep Village Hall open.
Woman: Are you going to do what she says, or are you going to be an independent man and do what I tell you to do?
Neither The First Party for Bolingbrook nor Bolingbrook United would return requests for comments.
A person from the Bolingbrook Independent Voices said the party would respond once the series premiered:
“We hope it honors the brave drivers who keep the streets of our diverse community accessible.”
In the background, Sheldon Watts walked up to covert social media operative Charline Spencer and said: “Charlene, did you create sock puppet trolls for Alyssia Benford’s slate?”
“Not now, Sheldon. I’m auditioning a new campaign surrogate. We need reinforcements if we’re going to overtake Jackie.”
“Is that Steve Schmidt?”
“Yep. Thanks to the collapse of the Lincoln Project, we can get him at a steep discount. Let me put him on speaker.”
On-screen, a man who looked like Schmidt said: “—of his condescending attitude towards Sheldon. Roger thinks teenagers don’t require supervision. If he really believes that then Roger has never raised a teenager.”
“Does he know?” asked Watts.
“Yep,” Spencer replied.
“That means—Oh my! Sweet Jesus, forgive me for almost taking Your name in vain. Charlene, he can’t say that. It’s not true.”
“No. You can’t say that because it’s false. He can say anything he wants if it helps us win.”
“That’s not right.”
“The man who sounded like Schmidt concluded: “The party that should be the first to disavow his taint is, in reality, the party that is dependent on his tainted money.”
“Is he reading a script?” asked Watts.
“Let’s find out. Hey, Steve. There’s a burning question most Bolingbrook residents have: Mora or Nancy’s Pizza? What’s the correct answer?”
“The real burning question is which party is the party of Bolingbrook’s future. The First Party acts like a ruling party, but it is ruled by a political wing of the insurrectionists, better known as the Republican Party. In Bolingbrook, it is controlled by the treasonous Roger Claar. That leaves only two parties with serious visions for the future. Both parties are running serious, quality candidates. But if you want a party that will continue the centrist policies that made Bolingbrook great without chaining itself to the authoritarian party of Trump — and believes Bolingbrook’s diverse population should be empowered to make decisions, and not treated like props in a Roger Claar commercial— then your only choice is Bolingbrook Independent Voices.”
“We’ll get back to you Steve,” said Spencer.
“I’ll be waiting,” Schmidt replied. “Republican campaigns have disowned me, and Democratic—and I said the right word, ‘democratic.’ The Democratic campaigns don’t trust me. But it was—”
Watts said: “Oh how the mighty have fallen.”
Also in the Babbler:
It’s not too late to donate to Freethought Blogs’ legal defense fund
Bolingbrook issues snow snake alert
Weredogs celebrate Bolingbrook’s moratorium on puppy sales
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/17/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.
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