What started as a peaceful protest by weredogs against the removal of School Board member Dr. Sandra Carlson ended in a violent clash with anti-Carlson wereskunks. Dozens of weredogs were arrested in front of Valley View’s offices by officers from Bolingbrook’s Department of Paranormal Affairs. The weredogs will be charged with causing hundreds of dollars in damages.
“They started it!” —complained weredog Bo as he was being restrained by the officers.
“Shut up!” —replied the officer. “You started it by acting like a big snowflake over the lawful removal of a fake board member.”
Though the school board election happened seven months ago, defeated incumbent JT Boudouris filed a lawsuit to request a recount of five of 39 precincts. The lawsuit demanded that ballots that were not initialed by an election judge be thrown out. The motion was granted. Following the recount, Carlson’s three-vote win was overturned. Carlson ran as a member of the Bolingbrook United Party.
Taffy, a weredog, said: “They should have recounted all of the precincts— not just the ones that favored (Mayor Roger Claar’s) candidates. Roger thew out ballots due to no fault of each individual voter.”
The picket line started with marchers chanting, “Bad humans! No Bone!” and “Kennel Roger!” They did not block entrances, though a few Valley View staff members said they felt intimidated.
“Why are they so mad?” asked a woman who wished to remain anonymous: “JT earned his seat. Just like Trump earned his seat. It shouldn’t be a popularity contest.”
Minutes later, several wereskunks marched towards the weredogs, chanting: “We love Claar! He’s so fair!” They then threw litter at the weredogs, and some sprayed them.
“Bad dogs!” yelled one wereskunk. “You stink!”
The weredogs then charged at the wereskunks and started fighting. Later, officers from the Bolingbrook Department of Paranormal Affairs arrived, though Valley View’s offices are located in Romeoville. They fired tear gas and perfume to break up the fighting. Twenty weredogs were arrested but no wereskunks were arrested. Instead, the officers treated injured wereskunks, and let them create “litter art” while singing, “We are the Champions.”
“We love Roger!” said one wereskunk. “We love his candidates. We’ll do anything we can to support them!”
A member of Bolingbrook United denied knowing about the riot: “We don’t have time for this silliness. If your readers really want to help us, come to our Chili Fundraiser this Thursday. You’ll get to find out which elected official cooks the best chili, and help us return Dr. Carlson back to her rightful seat. Roger just arrived.”
A man who sounded like Claar said: “Joe, I’m glad to see you’re personally delivering your response to my ultimatum. Now I don’t mind political parties in Bolingbrook, as long as they don’t run candidates.” After a long pause, the man said: “Is this your entire response?”
“Yes.” said a man who sounded like Bolingbrook United chair Joe Giamanco.
Also in the Bolingbrook Babbler:
Atheist Alliance International to record TV program in Bolingbrook
Trump demands a new UFO Base in Bolingbrook
Pluto ambassador objects to planned NASA Pluto orbiter mission
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/7/19
Note: This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.