Web exclusive: Militant atheist David Silverman to run for Mayor of Bolingbrook (Fiction)


Sources tell the Babbler that former American Atheist president David Silverman will run for Bolingbrook mayor in 2021.

A possible web ad for David Silverman’s Mayoral campaign.

“He’s already forgiven himself for what happened in the past,” said one source.  “Now is the time to settle the lawsuits and move on.  Being Bolingbrook’s first openly atheist mayor will give  him the platform he deserves.”

According to the sources, Silverman will move to Bolingbrook in the spring of 2020.  Once he is established as a resident of Bolingbrook, he will then take over the Bolingbrook First Party from DuPage Township Trustee Maripat Oliver.

“Maripat ran a nice campaign,” said Jill, a volunteer for Bolingbrook First.  “But nice doesn’t beat (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar).”

According to Jill, Silverman plans to use his ties to rich atheists to rapidly raise funds for his campaign, and to recruit a slate of trustee candidates for Bolingbrook First.

Ben, a Bolingbrook resident and former member of American Atheists, believes Silverman has the “flexibility” to beat BClaar and Bolingbrook United’s mayoral candidate:

“Just look at his career.  He can go from being a guest on Fox News to being a guest at FtBCon to being a guest on Sargon of Akkad’s show.  He can go from liberal to conservative and back with ease.  He can say something to earn the support of every resident!”

Jill says Silverman’s campaign strategy will also focus on the tax-exempt status of religious organizations in Bolingbrook:

“He may live in Washington State, but he knows that everyone in Bolingbrook hates state and local taxes.  He also knows that residents hate it when people we don’t like get tax breaks.  He’s going to use that to his advantage.  He’ll get Christians worked up over Bolingbrook’s tax-free mosques.  Then he’ll get Muslims worked up over all the money-sucking Christian churches Bolingbrook has.  Residents will be so worked up, they won’t question his atheism.  Then once he’s elected, Illinois will have enacted a progressive income tax, and that will take care of most of Bolingbrook’s money problems.  He’ll lower property taxes a bit, and he’ll easily win reelection.  He’ll be untouchable!  Did I say that out loud?”

Ben also mentions that Silverman plans to use lots of billboards to get his message out:  “Roger’s people can take down signs, but they can’t take down a billboard!”

A volunteer for Silverman denied that he was planning to move to Bolingbrook.  He also added that Silverman was conducting an important interview, and couldn’t be disturbed.

In the background, a woman said: “Given the serious allegations against you, and your long history of litigation, why should we hire you?”

“Because I need money and you need publicity,” said a man who sounded like Silverman.

“Since no one else wants this job, you’re hired.”

When called, Claar answered the phone and said, “Rudy, I don’t have a UFO Base.  You can’t ask me for asylum because I can’t give it to you.  Oh, and don’t even think about moving to Bolingbrook.  My village is only big enough for one mayor.”

He then hung up the phone.

Note:  This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.