By Reporter X
Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base’s security ruthlessly shut down a Climate Strike demonstration minutes after it started. Over 100 aliens were arrested, along with 12 humans and 4 androids. Over 100 beings were treated for injuries, but none were life-threatening.
“Let me make this clear,” said Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar. “You can say what you want about Earth’s climate, but you cannot go on strike at my UFO Base!”
Anonymous officials claim that the organizers planned to block all the landing bays at Clow until Earth’s governments agreed to a geoengineering program to reverse global warming.
“Clow would be out of business before any government would consider it,” said one anonymous official.
Organizers denied that the “Climate Strike” was an actual strike.
“It was a demonstration,” said Glowdia Padakolaka, a visitor from Tabby’s Star. “Just because we called it a strike, doesn’t mean it is a strike. We just meant that we think Earth’s governments should strike a blow against the forces changing the climate before they make Earth uninhabitable for humanity. We didn’t deserve to be pepper sprayed for saying that.”
One of the humans injured was Rachel Ventura, Democratic candidate for the Illinois 11th Congressional District: “Yeah it sucked getting sprayed with acid, but the doctors here fixed my skin for free. What really sucks is being represented by Congressman Bill Foster! He won’t support the Green New Deal. As your Congresswoman, I will say this to the spineless Democrats in charge: Give humanity the Green New Deal or give humanity death! No other ideas are worth considering. Like switching to nuclear power? Hell no! I won’t glow, Bill.”
Foster replied in an email, “(Representative Sean Casten) and I feel there are other options besides the Green New Deal. At least Rachel and I are debating how to fight climate change. Whoever Roger drafts to run against me will probably deny the problem. I say keep the Sci Bros in Congress!”
Ventura was quested by Claar then released. Sources say she was released because she, along with Claar, are members of the Illuminati.
Padakolaka said the organizers’ next goal is to secure the release of Clow’s “climate prisoners.” She also hopes to meet with Claar and explain the importance of combating climate change.
“Climate change is the great filter,” said Padakolaka. “Too many civilizations reach this stage and perish because they’re not willing to make the necessary changes to protect their planet. When an economic system favors extinction over preservation, that system must change. Economies must serve their beings. Beings must not serve the economy. Civilizations that learn this lesson reach the stars. I hope humanity learns this lesson before it’s too late.”
Also in the Babbler:
Mayor Claar deploys “floating emergency command center.”
Wereskunks defend littering as ‘a work of art’
Satanist says his religion requires a garbage toter in his front yard
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/28/19
Note: This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.