By Reporter X
The village of Bolingbrook executed 10 members of KukPu’K, an interstellar anti-vaccination terrorist group.
“We gave them a trial,” said Joan Armstrong, spokesperson for Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs. “Then we executed them. Why waste time on appeals?” Armstrong added that village officials could have used the most painful form of execution, but didn’t.
KukPu’K has been convicted of genocide by the Interstellar Commonwealth’s court system. Their members first spread anti-vaccination propaganda on a target world. Once the inhabitants lose herd immunity to a deadly disease, KukPu’K operatives then unleash a very potent strain of the disease. Members of KukPu’K defend their actions by saying they are not anti-vaccine, but “anti-stupidity.” They feel that any species that rejects vaccination deserves to die.
Russian Internet trolls are suspected of working with KukPu’K operatives to spread anti-vaccination propaganda in Europe and the United States. Anonymous sources say KukPu’K could be partly responsible for measles outbreaks in Europe and the United States.
Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar released a statement defending the execution of the terrorists two days after capturing them: “I may have sold my soul to Donald Trump, but I will not sell out the unvaccinated babies who live in Bolingbrook. I do have standards, no matter what my foes say.”
Claar’s statement also blamed the expedited sentencing on alien protesters who currently control Clow UFO Base: “Because of the actions of a radical occupation force, the 109,298,291st Circuit Court relocated to the New World Order’s temporary and illegal base in Palatine. With the court being inaccessible, we had a very limited window to process these dangerous criminals. My foes will argue about due process. The victims of KukPu’K and the anti-vaccination movement deserve due process too! In this village, we know that vaccines don’t cause autism. Even if they did, I will not let the irrational fear of autistic children endanger our residents!”
Bolingbrook United, the opposition party, released a statement condemning the execution. “Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz is a member of the New World Order. He could have work with the NWO to transfer the prisoners to the Interstellar Commonwealth authorities. Show trials have no place in our village. Due process is the vaccination against tyranny and one-party rule!”
Also in the Babbler:
Scientists: Bolingbrook will be uninhabitable by the 23rd century
Residents demand an accounting of DuPage Township’s interstellar spending
Bolingbrook STEM Association denies building android assassin
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/31/18
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