Web Exclusive: Mayor Noak tells the New World Order that Romeoville is ‘the village that can’ (Fiction)


By Reporter X

During the opening of a high-speed rail between Romeoville and the Peotone UFO Base, Mayor John Noak called Romeoville “the village that can.”

“There’s a village north of us,” said Noak.  “I won’t name it, you probably know which one.  Their mayor used to brag about all the things he could do.  Since he defected to the Illuminati, we never hear him talk about doing things. He always talks about what his village can’t do.  His village can’t have a Metra station.  His village can’t have a budget surplus.  And his village can’t host Ribfest.  Well, his village can’t, but we are the village that can.”

Noak then thanked the New World Order for supporting Romeoville:

“I used to believe the Illuminati’s propaganda, but I know better now.  The truth is, success doesn’t come from chaos.  It comes from order.  Only through stability can our residents enjoy their freedom.”

Noak later added:  “I was once drunk with success, but the NWO helped turn me around.  Now I am proud to say, ‘E Pluribus Unum!’  I will never let our secret society down again.”

Later during the opening, DuPage Township Trustee Ken Burgess thanked the New World Order for choosing Romeoville:

“You’re going to like working with our residents because of their industrious spirit.  You know, whenever I’m at a meeting and the Edgar County Watchdogs are attempting to drain my soul with Illuminati incantations, I’ll catch myself wondering why I’m letting these dogs suck minutes from my life.  Then I remember that I’m a Romeoville resident.  We can do anything, and that includes standing up to those Illuminati bullies and Illuminati Knight Alyssia Benford!  It makes me want to say, “In God we Trust!”

A woman ran on to the stage and whispered into his ear.

“Oops,”  he replied.  “Um, I meant E Pluribus Unum!”

A receptionist for Mayor Roger Claar said he was busy, and could not be disturbed:

“Roger wants me to remind callers about the evils of socialism.  But just between you and me, I love our socialized luxury golf club.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “So you’re one of Charlene’s Russian friends.  How can I help you?”

“I want to build a big beautiful borscht factory in Bolingbrook!”

“I love it, and I know just the place to put it.” 

Note:  This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.