Joe Walsh tells the Illuminati he’s ‘Trump 2.0’ (Fiction)


Note: It is intended to point out racism, not be racist. 

Former Congressman Joe Walsh asked the Illuminati to endorse his Republican Presidential campaign, because– “It’s time for Trump 2.0!”

“I helped create Trump,” said Walsh.  “He’s the reason the Illuminati has returned to prominence.  But, let’s face it, he’s flawed.  He’s too easily confused.  He can’t pull off a military coup because he doesn’t have the respect of his generals, and he’s more loyal to Putin than he is to us.  You know if the New World Order gives Putin a great deal, he’ll defect and take Trump with him.”

Walsh addressed the Illuminati during their meeting at the Bolingbrook Golf Club.  Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler performed the sacred Glowing Orb ritual before Walsh’s speech.  Mayor Roger Claar did not attend the meeting.

After criticizing Trump, Walsh explained why he considered himself Trump 2.0:

“I’m not afraid to make black people feel uncomfortable. * Just ask your Mayor about my presentation last year!  I’ve also been suspended for saying (Racial Slur Deleted) on the air.  I even got suspended from Twitter when I threatened President Barack Obama and Black Lives Matter.  I even wrote, ‘Haiti is an (expletive deleted) and it’s run by blacks.’  But here’s the difference between Trump and myself: I know when to stop.  I know better than to force business out of China.  I know to pay proper respect to our armed forces, because I will need their support when I declare martial law in predominately black neighborhoods.  I know to support the police and the FBI because they will support me in the end. The liberal media will help me because they’re suckers for redemption stories.  Trump is a blunt instrument.  I am a scalpel.  A scalpel ready to serve the Illuminati.  Fnord!

After the speech, Walsh approached Lawler and said he didn’t hold Bolingbrook’s ethnic makeup against him:  “Bolingbrook is great because everyone, no matter their background, follows men like Roger and you.”

“I’m not sure if you mean that in a good way,” replied Lawler.  “So I’m just going to say, welcome to Bolingbrook, my fellow Illuminati member.”

A receptionist for Claar said that he was busy and could not be disturbed:  “This note says I’m supposed to say Bolingbrook does not engage in Scoop and Toss.  I’m also supposed to attack (Will County Board Member Jackie Traynere), but I misplaced the sheet.  Can you wait a second?”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar, said: “I’m still (expletive deleted) off at that Bolingbrook United attack ad.  Charlene, do you have that party’s fundraising numbers for the same period?”

“Yes.  Between April and June of 2019, Bolingbrook United raised $4934.  Seventy-one percent of their itemized donations came from outside of Bolingbrook, but still within Will County.  Their overall fundraising amount per capita is roughly $0.07.”

“But (Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz) has a business in Chicago.  Which means we can tie him to the Cook County political machine!”

“I like your thinking, Roger.”

Also in the Babbler:

Werewolf escorted out of Bolingbrook
Village gives wereskunks permission to grow cannabis
India cancels plans to send troops to Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/31/19

**Note:  This is a work of fiction. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.