Could Bolingbrook become the home of the largest marijuana shopping center in the world? If Kevin Z. Sampson has his way, Bolingbrook Commons Shopping Center will become Weed World.
“This will be a totally immersive experience,” said Sampson. “Once we open, you’ll never want to get high in your apartment or home again.”
Weed World should open in early 2020 when recreational marijuana use becomes legal in Illinois. According to Sampson, Weed World will have a dispensary, hydroponic farms, “Inhalation booths,” home products, convenience stores, chat salons, and restaurants. Patrons will be able to buy marijuana, smoke it, eat a meal, hang out, and go shopping, without leaving Weed World.
“It’s a win, win. Our customers will get high and generate revenue for the state and village. Bolingbrook can use its share of tax revenues to eliminate some fees. Plus, I’m sure Weed World will drive up home values: Because in Bolingbrook, you’ll be able to get high at Weed World, and not have to worry about removing the stench from your own home.”
Patricia, a partner who asked that we not use her last name, believes Weed World will encourage corporations to relocate to Bolingbrook: “What CEO wouldn’t love to get high after a hard day of hyping up their company to Wall Street? Sure we expect them to ban their employees from enjoying our product, but do you really think they follow the same rules as the rest of us?”
Not everyone is happy with the Weed World proposal. An anonymous source within Bolingbrook United expressed concern that Weed World would undermine the purpose of the legislation:
“One of the goals of legalization was to undo the harm to minority communities caused by the war on drugs. I don’t think the creation of a Weed Walmart was one of the goals. We don’t have an official position yet, but I hope we decide to encourage the creation of many marijuana retail stores, rather than have one superstore in Bolingbrook. That will allow for mom and pop pot dispensaries as well as help the nearby restaurant and junk food industries”.
Sampson pointed to the area around the mall to counter that argument. “I don’t know about you, but this area screams underdeveloped. This shopping center has been an eyesore for Bolingbrook for over 30 years. (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) hasn’t been able to fix it, but we’re about to.”
Patricia added that they will hire employees with previous experience: “They know more about our potential customers than some ad firm in Chicago. We’ll need their experience so we can provide the highest standards of customer service.”
Sampson and Patricia were not concerned about the Village banning marijuana businesses:
“We expect to be very profitable, and we will reward those who will keep the Bolingbrook market free from competition—I mean excessive regulations.”
The current owner of Bolingbrook Commons Shopping Center could not be reached for comment.
When asked to comment, Claar said, “Just between you and me, this drug is dangerously unpredictable. In the 1930s, it caused insanity and turned users into criminals. Then it started turning people into hippies. Then it turned your brain into fried eggs. Who knows what it will do in the future?” He made some unprintable comments about both Cook County Democrats and Illinois Democrats, then hung up.
Also in the Babbler:
Village to ban betting on Royce Road RD flooding
Bolingbrook STEM Association denies helping the CIA hack Russia’s electrical grid
Trump tells Ricketts family to move Wrigley Field to Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/22/19
Note: This is a work of fiction.