For our Mayors of Bolingbrook special report, we’re starting with Jack Leonard, Bolingbrook’s first village president, as mayors were called back then. Leonard was instrumental in persuading the Trilateral Commission to found Bolingbrook as a cover for Clow UFO Base. Not only was he the first police chief, he also was the first temporal monitor, weredeer control officer, and alien greeter. Historians to this day do not know how he managed to get any sleep.
(Update 2017: This interview occurred right after residents voted to approve the creation of Bolingbrook in 1965. It is was conducted by John Olson, our first publisher. It was published in the very first issue of the Babbler.)
Village President denies being a Soviet patsy!
Publisher escapes arrest and certain brainwashing!
Publisher John Olson crashed the village trustee’s celebration of Colonial Estates’ loss of freedom under the newly formed “village” of Bolingbrook. We have the exclusive transcript!
Olson: I have a question for the so-called president of this new village.
Leonard: Who are you?
Olson: I am the publisher of The Bolingbrook Babbler. My reporter is handing out test (sample?) copies for each of you.
Trustee: How can we have a second newspaper? The voters only just approved incorporation.
Olson: Whenever oppressive liberal government forms, the press rises up to oppose it.
Leonard: We haven’t even had a meeting yet.
Trustee: And what kind of name is the Babbler anyway?
Olson: As in a babbling brook! What kind of name is Bolingbrook anyway?
Trustee: It comes from Shakespeare–
Leonard: Now you said you had a question. What is it?
Olson: Knowing that on any given night, up to three communist satellites pass over our community, and given that there are Beatniks and other unsavory elements just outside of our newly imposed border, and given that forcing the residents into a collective village is almost the same as collectivism which is practiced by–
Leonard: Do you have a question?
Olson: Are you going to petition Will County to invalidate this election because of interference from Soviet mind control satellites?
Trustee: Wait a minute! According to this article, God is going to smite Bolingbrook after our first meeting. Why are you working on an issue if God is going to destroy all of us?
Olson: We think that enough residents will say the prayer in the article and save Bolingbrook.
Leonard: I think you need to get more fresh air. The mold in your basement is affecting your brain.
Olson: Very funny. I will now ask another question.
Leonard: This should be good.
Olson: When will you tell the truth about Clow?
Leonard: The truth?
Olson: The truth that Bolingbrook is really a cover for the largest urban UFO base in the World!
Olson: And we’re going to keep covering Clow and all the other supernatural events in Bolingbrook!
Leonard: Honey, get the jail ready!
Wife: It’s full!
Wife: People are getting drunk celebrating the new village.
Leonard: Mister, if it were up to me, I would lock you up tonight. But tonight, in the spirit of unity, I’m just going to ask you to leave. Instead of attacking the village, you should be following the example of a young man from out of town. He said that he wanted to be a pioneer, to start a new life in Bolingbrook. I said, “Young man, if you really want to help Bolingbrook we’ll need leaders. Leaders need PhDs! If you want to go out on your own, go to an out of state university first. Take your time. Because Bolingbrook will be waiting for you.” Someday, he will be a great asset for Bolingbrook. You should work to be a great asset to this village right now.
Olson: Oh don’t worry! You may be part of an alien/communist plot, but we will be working together!
Leonard: Why’s that?
Olson: Because I run the only newspaper in Bolingbrook. That means I own the paper of record!
Trustee: What about The Beacon?
Olson: The Beacon? The Beacon is just Joe Kovach’s oversized newsletter and it covers other communities. The Babbler, on the other hand, exclusively covers Bolingbrook, and it looks better than The Beacon! We are the first true tabloid in Bolingbrook. You have to make us the paper of record!
Trustee: He has a point!
Leonard: GET OUT!
Tomorrow: Robert Schanks unleashes the ultimate weapon in the fight to maintain law and order in Bolingbrook!