Mayor Claar tries to replace Trustee Jaskiewicz with an android (Fiction)


Did Mayor Roger Claar offer to replace Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz with an android?  Some sources say yes.

 

“Sure we’ve all heard the phrase, ‘Roger’s robots,’” said one of the sources.  “But I never thought they were real until now.”

The sources agree that Claar was upset after Jaskiewicz gave a speech criticizing Claar for refusing to put two items on the meeting agenda.  After the meeting had adjourned, Claar brought Jaskiewicz into his office.  Most of the sources said that Claar talked about the rumors that his trustees are androids.

According to the sources, Claar said the following:

“You know residents have called my trustees robots, and the Babbler has reported on my android factory.  They’re not telling the whole truth.  All of them are humans.  They have histories you can confirm.  The reality is that my trustees don’t attend the meetings.  Their android doubles do.  It’s a great arrangement.  They can spend more time with their families- and I get trustees who will always vote yes, and give public service announcements.  It also reduces meeting times, which save on our electric bills.”

Next, Claar reportedly made an offer to Jaskiewicz:  “Due to complicated agreements between the New World Order and the Illuminati, I can’t remove you and replace you with an android.  But I can ask you to have an android sit in for you at the village board meetings.  Think about it.  Do you want to be bored at our meetings, or do you want to be home with your family?  I’ll even let you decide which announcements it will make at the end of the meeting.”

Jaskiewicz allegedly replied, “The New World Order and the residents elected me so I could stand up to you.  You’re not going to replace me with one of your robots.”

Claar allegedly answered, “Then I vow to bore you to death so I will be able to replace a foe with a resident!”

Jaskiewicz did not reply before the deadline.

A receptionist for Claar replied that he was busy with intern Charlene, and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “So Charlene, I hear you’re organizing an Internet counter-attack against Bob.”

“Yes.  I’ve already written the viral articles.  What do you think of these headlines?  ‘Based Mayor bashes bumbling trustee.’  ‘Awesome mayor destroys anarchist trustee.’ ‘Smart mayor shreds stupid opponent. Why won’t the liberal media report this?’”

“I just adjourned the meeting after he ranted.  I didn’t reply.”

“The article will mention that, but it’s the headline that counts.  No one reads the articles.  Oh!  Which background should I use for the memes?  I have this GIF I call ‘Tired Jaskiewicz.’  I also have an animated GIF called ‘Swiveling Jaskiewicz.’  Which do you like?”

“Before I answer that question, I need to ask you if you used village property to make these items.  Someone could say that they’re for political purposes, and I would be forced to hold a disciplinary hearing.”

“Um.  Aren’t my niece and nephew cute?”

“They are, but I’m a career politician.  That trick won’t work on me.”

“Drat.  Um, I’m sure my parents can donate to your campaign fund.”

“I can accept it, and still give you a fair hearing.”

Also in the Babbler:

Prophet Muhammad argues with Mayor Claar
Bolingbrook’s Bigfoot insists it is not a ghost
Mayor Claar dares Russians to flood Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/27/17