By Reporter X
After nearly three months, alien protesters ended their occupation of Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base.
“While the situation on Earth continues to deteriorate,” read a statement from the protesters, “We understand that our occupation of Clow UFO Base isn’t helping humanity. Our statement has been made, and we no longer need to occupy Clow UFO Base. The galaxy knows that Donald Trump is an evil racist overlord, and (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) helped inflict Trump’s evil upon the Earth by raising money for him. We may be leaving, but we will not forget.”
Representatives from the Interstellar Commonwealth brokered the deal with the protesters, the Village of Bolingbrook, the New World Order, the Illuminati, and the Knights Templar. Under the terms of the deal, the protesters were given safe passage out of our solar system, but each is banned for life from visiting Earth. The Interstellar Commonwealth assumed control of Clow and will manage the base until the April 2, 2019 municipal election. If Claar’s party, Bolingbrook First, retains at least two village trustee seats, Claar and the Illuminati will regain control of Clow. If Bolingbrook United, affiliated with the New World Order, wins all three seats, they will take over, and Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz will become the new administrator. The Knights Templar will monitor the election.
“The voters of Bolingbrook will decide the fate of Clow UFO Base,” read a statement from the Interstellar Commonwealth.
Claar, who was attending the Illuminati/New World Order peace talks in Cuba, released a statement supporting the deal: “The Interstellar Commonwealth will pay for the base cleanup, and resume revenue sharing with the village. I will once again run Clow UFO Base. I’m not worried about Bolingbrook United. If those anti-Trump politicians couldn’t defeat me in 2017, they won’t be able to defeat my party in 2019. I heard there were Republicans at their last fundraiser event. I will give them until the end of the September to renounce their support for Bolingbrook United. Any Republican who continues to support Bolingbrook United after September I will consider a Democrat.”
Sources within Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs say the base is “remarkably in good shape,” and should reopen in a week.
When reached for comment, Jaskiewicz said, “Can you adjust your voice modulator? I can’t understand a word you are saying.”
A receptionist for Claar said he was in a meeting and could not be disturbed.
In the background, a man who sounded like Trustee Rick Morales said: “Did you see the Trustee election poll in Bolingbrook Politics?”
A man who sounded like Claar said: “Of course. Every time my blood pressure gets too low, I buy a copy of the Babbler and visit that group. I’m back to normal in seconds.”
“Why is my name not listed? I thought I was going to be running for re-election. You’re not still mad about all those times I voted against you many years ago?”
“No, but you know the story of Vince Lombardi and the 1959 Green Bay Packers? Think of yourself as Babe Parilli, and the new guy as Bart Starr.”
Also in the Babbler:
Bolingbrook United denies candidate is a secret land squid
Source: Mayor Claar spent most of Cuba trip arguing on Facebook
President Trump blames aliens and Mayor Claar for two tied NFL games
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/19/18
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