Did the Bolingbrook Board of Trustees approve spending $2 million on an “Illuminati membership enhancement” during their September 26 meeting?  Sources say yes.

Sources say the bill, which was disguised as bills for the Pathways Parade and the Bolingbrook Golf Club, was actually to enhance the Village’s membership in the Illuminati.  According to one source, the enhancement frees the village from the obligation to build coded monuments to the Illuminati or to require new road construction for Illuminati symbols.

“(Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) is saving the village millions of dollars,” said one source.  “By spending this money now, we don’t have to spend millions down the road building statues or building new streets.  Roger is a smart man, who will help make the Illuminati great again.  Fnord!”

During the meeting, Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz, who is affiliated with the New World Order, asked why the bills weren’t given to the trustees in advance or posted on the website.  After being told that he could have gone to the village Attorney’s office for copies of the bills, Jaskiewicz voted no.  He said he could not vote to pay any bills without reviewing the details, and noted that the Village Attorney said payment could wait until the next board meeting. His no vote ended a 10-year streak without a no vote on the board.

One source, who asked to be called Lee, criticized Jaskiewicz: “It’s not easy covering up payments to the Illuminati.  Roger had a bad week, and it took him longer than expected.  He should have stayed quiet and voted yes… especially if he knows what’s good for Bolingbrook.”

David K. Nowicki, an expert on the Illuminati, believes enhanced membership in the Illuminati is a waste of money:  “All you need to do is designate three points in a community and draw a triangle to connect them to meet the requirements. I can designate The Bolingbrook Golf Club, Clow Airport, and The Promenade Bolingbrook as points on the triangle. Once people see a triangle, then the power of Pareidolia kicks in, and they imagine more Illuminati symbols in Bolingbrook.  I could have saved Bolingbrook $2 million if Claar had just asked me.”

A call to Mayor Claar’s office was answered by unofficial Bolingbrook spokesperson Charline Spencer: “The Illuminati died out in 1785.  Bob needs to resign for the good of Bolingbrook and let Roger pick the best person for the job.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “Thank for your help at the last meeting.”

A man who sounded like Trustee Rick Morales said, “Sure thing coach!  In the football game of Bolingbrook politics, I will play any position you want me to.”

“I will remember that.”

“So, if I can ask, what are you going to do about the DACA residents in Bolingbrook?”

“Do I look like an immigration official?”

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Bolingbrook witches vow to protect Bolingbrook football team
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/12/17