Friday, several female members of the Illuminati walked out of the Bolingbrook Golf Club to protest the Supreme Court’s decision abolishing the right to abortion. The walkout occurred during a ritual performed by anti-abortion male members.

“You can’t have global chaos without freedom of choice,” said one member who asked not to be identified. “If we give government the power to control our bodies, we might as well surrender to the New World Order.”

Laura, the Illuminati Chaplin of North America, said: “This is a major step backwards in the fight for true freedom. If our wombs are not fee, then we are not free.”

Sapphire, an Illuminati Knight of Chaos, added: “Forced pregnancies only help the New World Order by controlling our bodies. We are not fighting the NWO just to create our own order! Chaos means freedom. All who oppose the right to abortion should be purged from the Illuminati.”

The dispute started shortly after Master Councilor George announced the supreme court’s decision. He claimed the Illuminati influenced the court and told the gathering to join him in celebrating the chaos that will be created by the birth of “millions of unwanted babies!”

This prompted Illuminati member Rep. Marie Newman to stand up and yell: “This is not how you create chaos. This is how you create (expletive deleted). I can’t stand the smell of (expletive). Let’s step outside and choose to breathe fresh air!”

Fellow Illuminati member Jeanne Ives also stood up. She said: “I could lie about this, but I won’t. This is the wrong time to repeal Roe. We still have an election to seize. Everyone knows that you campaign on repealing Roe, not on actually doing it. We were doing great at restricting abortion access until you made the Supreme Court ruin everything. Now abortion will be an issue in every single election—Even the township elections. Not to mention that the New World Order will have a chance to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment. Then what? The Supreme Court declares the Constitution unconstitutional? I’m sorry, but for once I’m going to stand with my sisters and join them outside.”

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta did not join the walkout, nor did she participate in the Rite of a Thousand Cries. Alexander-Basta ordered the Village Trustees not to participate either.

“Not one word from any of you,” Basta said. “I’ve spent too much time building an apolitical reputation with everyone but Bonnie. I won’t have it ruined by the Supreme Court. For now, the ‘A’ word is not in our vocabulary!”

After performing the rite, George said female Illuminati members were overreacting. He arose and stated: “Every child bearing member will still be able to get an abortion, paid for by the order. That makes them special. Don’t you want to be special?” George added that the Supreme Court’s decision will help spark a second civil war in the United States. “State governments won’t be enforcing abortion bans because they’ll be caught in the crossfire between militias. That’s why we made the Court expand the Second Amendment. Come on, you didn’t really believe I was ‘pro-life,’ did ya?”

A receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she was busy dealing with the aftermath of the WeatherTech shooting and could not be disturbed. 

In the background, a man who sounded like Trustee Sheldon Watts, said: “You know, Charlene, all the anger and tragedy this week has helped me to put things in prospective.”

A woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer replied: “Me too. That’s why I’m getting my tubes tied, securing an Icelandic passport, and doubling my efforts to troll the DuPage Township into oblivion. I don’t know how much time I’ll have before the Court declares women’s rights unconstitutional.”

Also in the Babbler:

Editorial: The bell tolls for Bolingbrook
Weredeer unfortunately celebrate repeal of Roe
Abortion is still legal at Clow UFO Base
God to spare Bolingbrook this week

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is available for preorder. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter.