Palatine’s UFO base holds first Pride celebration (Fiction)


Hundreds of aliens and humans attended the first Pride celebration at Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base.  Despite the village having only days to organize the event, The staff of Sherman UFO Base declared the event a success.

“Somehow the aliens found out about Mayor Jim Schwantz’s Pride Month proclamation,” said Village Manager Reid Ottesen.  “Then they demanded a Pride month celebration on the base.  The mayor didn’t tell me he was going to write up and sign a Pride Month proclamation, so I was caught off guard.”

The “semi-family friendly” event featured concerts, skits, Pride-themed foods, and lively discussions.  Ottesen credited the event’s corporate sponsors for their help in organizing the activities.

Some attendees criticized the marketing of some of the activities, which they called “Rainbow Washing.” One of the worst examples cited was the re-enactment of the Stonewall Uprising.  A horrible scene in it had Marsha P. Johnson saying anachronistic and obviously fictional lines:

“We are tired of being blackmailed.  We are tired of being arrested.  We want to proudly add letters to our sexuality.  We want to post our pronouns on the Internet!  We are so mad that we want to fight.  I will start the uprising by throwing a brick.  But not just any brick.  I’m going to toss this brick from the KIC Construction company.  From Dyson Spheres to homes, KIC takes pride in its work and is proud to sell its services to all accepting civilizations!”

Other attendees found the event inspiring:

“My culture only recognizes one gender,” said Oostop, a citizen of the Mitosis Alliance.  “However I never identified with that gender.  I used to think I was broken, but thanks to this event, I know there are other beings like me. I can now seek out gender-affirming treatment and I will soon figure out my true gender identity.  Thanks, Palatine!”

Ottesen confirmed that Sherman UFO base will hold annual pride events, but didn’t know if the Village ever would.

“It’s really up to the residents.  I know that was unthinkable at one time, but who could have thought that the Village of Barrington would recognize Pride Month?  Anything is possible.”

A receptionist for Schwantz confirmed that he signed a Pride proclamation:

“Can you not make a big deal about it?  We don’t want to make (State Representative Tom Morrison) even angrier than he is now.  It must hurt knowing that your hometown rejects your bigotry.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Schwantz, said: “I just wanted to let you know that I wrote up that proclamation you requested.”

A man who sounded like politician Joe Walsh replied: “Great!  I’ll pick it up at the next meeting!”

“Oh I won’t mention it at the meeting,” replied Schwantz.  “I wrote it and filed it in my draft documents folder like I do with other questionable proclamation requests.”

“But—”

“You should feel fortunate that I wrote anything for ‘National Unemployed Radio Talk Show Host Day.’”

“Jim!  You’ve got to help me.  Okay, maybe a proclamation wasn’t the best idea.  I’ve got another one!  You can help me get a radio show on WBBM!  I could learn how to talk about the Bears.  This is a great idea.  I can be on the radio and still hate Trump!”

“I think you’re addicted to being a radio talk show host.  You should get help for that.”

Also in the Babbler:

Flying pyramid appears at Cavalcade of Planes
Wereskunks to premiere ‘litter art’ to celebrate Pride Month
Village retires Mayor Claar’s android double
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/10/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.