Long time Bolingbrook psychic Mona was so frightened after her vision of the future, that her screams prompted neighbors to call the police.
“The future is doomed! Bolingbrook is doomed! We are doomed!” – Mona said, according to residents.
Officers managed to calm her down and did not arrest her.
Afterwards, Mona spoke and provided a transcript of her vision to the Babbler. She claims her vision was from a Village Board Meeting in the year 2065:
A priest, holding a water bottle, enters the board room. The all male audience members stand.
Priest: Let us praise our Mayor in Heaven
Audience (Raise their hands): For he built our infrastructure, banished the flood waters, purged the warlords, guided our ancestors through the great chaos, then ascended to Heaven. He has always has been and always will be our mayor.
Priest: Be seated.
The audience sits down.
Priest: Before ascending to Heaven, our Mayor in Heaven appointed the Keepers of the Water to be his voice on Earth. Every four years, our Mayor in Heaven selects a Vice-mayor to administer his Earthy affairs. Today, Our Mayor in Heaven has selected George Brown to be his Vice-mayor. Come forth, Mr. Brown.
Mr. Brown steps forward, and the priest puts a golden mask on him. The mask vaguely resembles current Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar.
Priest: You will now be known as the Vice-Mayor.
Brown: I serve at the pleasure of our Mayor in Heaven.
Brown sits in a chair next to a large chair that hasn’t been used for decades.
Brown: My trustees will take their seats.
Five men wearing black robes walk on stage and go to their seats.
Brown: By serving as my trustees, you agree to accept a vow of silence for the next four years. Any who speak during the next four years will be known as a Jask.
Audience: The Jask was the servant of the she-devils who tried to dethrone Our Mayor in Heaven. The she-devils fooled the residents into voting for them. Voting is evil. Women are evil. Evil is not allowed in Village Hall.
The trustees take their seats.
Brown: Some residents bought illegal trash toters to collect rainwater. This has angered our Mayor in Heaven. He has denied us — has denied us rain. He has taken water from our wells. He has turned our lawns brown as punishment. So I turn to the Keepers for guidance. What must we do to regain Our Mayor In Heaven’s love?
Priest: The She-devils’ minions want us to believe in global warming. They lie to us about Bolingbrook becoming a desert. We must resist their lies. The demons are hoarding Lake Michigan water. Our Mayor in Heaven has told me of a clear path to salvation. First, we must launch another crusade to liberate Lake Michigan’s water from the demons. Then we must expand the Golf Club to show Him that we still love him.
Audience: We will fight!
A woman runs towards a podium.
Woman: Lies! All lies. There never was a Mayor in Heaven. Bolingbrook had more than one mayor in its past!
Priest: Wicked liar. Donate to the Holy Campaign fund, and I may absolve you of your sins.
Woman: The last elected mayor was Roger C. Claar. He led us into the great chaos by supporting President Donald Trump. There were never any Keepers of the Water. There was an organization called Heart Haven Outreach, and it was founded by a woman!
Brown: You’re are in denial of the truth. It requires more faith to believe that Bolingbrook was founded by mortals than to believe in our Mayor in Heaven. It is also insanity to think that a woman could have founded our faith.
Security guards approached the woman.
Woman: It is true. We must embrace real truth again if we are to survive the great drought. Join the resistance! Let us become a United Bolingbrook once again! Science forever, not religion!
The woman runs out to the boardroom. Guards follow.
Priest: Our raiders will catch her, and purify her in the bathtub of faith. May she no longer be at risk of becoming a she-devil. Let us now have a moment of silence, for the millions who died for the chaos frog.
Mona said that her vision did not have to become reality: “If we want to see another mayoral election, we have to get rid of Trump. Roger is a good man, but I don’t want a future where residents are forced to worship him!”
When this reporter called Village Hall for a comment, a receptionist replied that Claar was busy interviewing an intern and could not be disturbed.
In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “Charline, you are a very unusual woman, but you have your uses. Now I can’t offer you a job here, but Barber’s Corner Media has a job waiting for you.”
“Cool! Thank you, Roger.”
“You’re welcome. Once you’ve been hired, I will provide you with assignments. You’ll be our unofficial spokesperson. I hope you don’t mind dealing with the Babbler every week day.”
“Not at all. Thank you. How did you persuade Barber’s Corner Media to hire me?”
“Back in the 90s, the firm’s owner recorded a song about my favorite street. You can stream it on your phone.”
“Let me listen. Oh my God! It’s obscene!”
“Yes, that was my initial reaction. When I confronted him, he apologized and offered to help me any way he could. That song turned into a birthday party with infinite gifts!”