Sources: Bolingbrook vows crackdown against local Antifa cell (Fiction)

After federal agencies declared Antifa to be a terrorist organization, sources say the Bolingbrook police department will confront the Bolingbrook cell of the anti-fascist group.

Alleged photo of Bolingbrook Antifa’s tank

“Violence in the name of anti-fascism and anti-racism is just as wrong as violence in the name of fascism and racism,” said one source within the police department.  “Bolingbrook is a peaceful community, and we want to keep it that way.”

Though various versions of Antifa, which is short for anti-fascist, have been around since the 1930s, Antifa activities in the US increased following the election of President Donald Trump.  Notable actions include shutting down Milo Yiannopoulos’s speech in Berkeley, CA; confrontations with Neo-nazis during the Unite the Right protest in Charlottesville, VA; and an attack against suspected Alt-right members during an anti-fascist counter protest in Berkeley.

According to various sources, Bolingbrook police officers will be interviewing anyone who could be interested in joining Antifa:

“Democrats, Republicans in Name Only, residents with an unusual interest in the rise of Nazism, people whose relatives were targeted by the Nazis or fascists, and anyone who has ever spoken out or posted against Fascism or the so-called ‘alt-right.’  We will do whatever it takes to ensure peace in Bolingbrook.”

Emma, who claims to be a member of Bolingbrook Antifa, denounced the alleged crackdown.

“Most of our time is spent searching the Internet for posts by Bolingbrook fascists.  Our work so far has been non-violent.”

Emma, however, said that they would defend Bolingbrook if racists and fascists marched on Bolingbrook.

“With all of the negative coverage Antifa has received, you’d almost forget that a woman was killed by a white supremacist a few weeks ago, or that five white supremacists beat a man, or that a white supremacist shot at a counter-protester and the police did nothing.  These are violent people.  I’m sure there are decent officers on the Bolingbrook police force, but we can’t rely on them to protect us if fascists march on Bolingbrook.  We love our diverse community enough to protect it.  If that means buying a used tank and spending money on guns, shields, mace, and batons, we’ll do it.  Right now we can’t reason with fascists.  We have to defend ourselves now.  If we give them a platform in Bolingbrook, they will use it to stage attacks against all marginalized communities.  No ethnic cleansing in Bolingbrook!  We’re going to live up to our name, and we invite all anti-fascist residents to support us!”

Charline Spencer, an unofficial spokesperson for the village of Bolingbrook, neither confirmed or denied the existence of a police crackdown against Bolingbrook Antifa:

“If Antifa uses violence, or if the Alt-right attempts any leaderless resistance actions in Bolingbrook, they will be arrested.  The rule of law still applies in Bolingbrook.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Mayor Roger Claar said, “OK.  No more memes, no more attempts at irony.  No more silly hand signals.  Tell me exactly what the Pepe the Frog Fan Club of Bolingbrook wants.”

Pepe fan club member: “We want to make Bolingbrook white for the first time.”

A man who sounds like Claar: “Get the (expletive deleted) out of my office now.”

Also in the Babbler:

Happy Labor Day, Bolingbrook!
Clow UFO Base to impose Illuminati only policy
Anarchist zombies spotted in Chicago
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/9/17


  1. dalemacdougall says

    Bolingbrook Antifa has a West German Leopard 2? Nice……..

    No wonder police need all that surplus military hardware the Trump administration is going to give them. Look at how out gunned they are!