By Reporter X
Melania Trump, who is in charge of all Illuminati controlled UFO Bases in the US, and an army of Illuminati agents raided Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base following the first half of Super Bowl LI
“There is no way the Falcons are leading.” Melania yelled as she crashed the Clow base. “Someone here is cheating and I’m not leaving until I get answers!”
Zoicox, a resident of Barnard’s Star, claims she was interrogated during halftime. “My crew wasn’t anywhere near the Super Bowl. We didn’t pass the audition to be one of Lady Gaga’s drones, so we decided to watch the game here. That was a mistake.”
Mrs. Trump, who is in charge of all Illuminati controlled UFO bases in the US, marched through the bars and lounges of Clow. She accused any crews flying near Texas as being part of an “illegal protest.”
“Donald wants to be happy, and I want him to be happy. This protest is not making him happy! When he’s not happy, I’m not happy. You don’t want see me unhappy, do you?”
Mrs. Trump claimed that there were 300 aliens directly involved in the protest, and that everyone at Clow knew who they were.
She was heard to have said: “Would they go to Area 51 for you?” “All of you are going to Area 51 unless all of you cooperate!”
JoGlo, a resident of Alpha Centauri D, said he was arrested by the Illuminati for wearing Falcons’ sports apparel. “I liked the shirts, and I thought it would nice for Matt Ryan to finally win a Super Bowl. Instead, I was put in restraints, and told I was being sent to Area 51. I didn’t do anything wrong, or at least anything that warranted a live vivisection!”
Just as Lady Gaga’s halftime performance started, Mrs. Trump released the suspects. Some eyewitnesses said that she was told that Lady Gaga was gong to perform a satanic ritual to ensure a Patriots victory. Others say that she was told that Pro-Trump aliens were going use their technology to “undo the cheating” allegedly done by other aliens.
Melania was heard saying, “I have to get back to Donald. My android double must be malfunctioning by now.”
After she left, many aliens stayed to watch the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. Still, not all aliens were happy.
“I came here to have fun, and I almost died!” said Zoicox. “This territory is taking its anti-safe space policies too far!”
Mayor Roger Claar could not be reached for comment.
Also in the Babbler:
Bolingbrook atheist converts to Christianity after Patriots victory
CFI Chicago to host Feline Lovers in Secularism 2
Aliens to join protest against Mayor Roger Claar
God to smite Bolingbrook on 2/9/17