Rosh Hashana, humanist style

If you’re interested in what a humanist High Holidays service is like, here a video Kol Hadash’s Rosh Hashana service. Rosh Hashana is first of the two Jewish High Holidays marking the start of the Jewish New Year. Rosh Hashana is the celebration of the start of the new year. Yom Kippur is the a day of reflection and atonement. In humanistic Judaism, there’s no asking God for forgiveness. To forgive is as human as to err.

The rest of this year’s High Holiday services are featured on Kol Hadash’s YouTube channel.

Disclaimer: I am a member of Kol Hadash’s governing committee.

Controversy clouds secret convention for progressive political influencers (Fiction)

The organizers of the Get Paid to be Progressive conference declared the event a success, despite a New York Times article about payments to progressive influencers.

“Our attendees’ followers don’t trust the New York Times,” said an organizer, who asked to be identified as Jaden. “Nor do they follow openly Zionist influencers, or their anti-plastics friends. The establishment Democrats can’t stop our attendees from getting the compensation they’ve earned!”

The GPP convention, held in secret in the Bolingbrook Golf Club, attracted hundreds of progressive social media influencers, campaigns, and dark money groups. The convention included speakers, networking events, and seminars.

Keynote speaker Josh Greene, also known as @joshtheprogressive, urged attendees not to let their “confusion” over the lack of federal regulations and California’s social media disclosure requirements hold them back. “I’m proof that if you post content every day, slam Zionism, and have no shame in the face of Trumpism, you will be rewarded with dark money!”

Attendees were also treated to a short video featuring New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. In the beginning, both men said they had their differences.

“For example,” said Mamdani, “I love people.”

Hegseth replied, “And I love killing people.”

Mamdani pretended to laugh, then said, “But we agree on one thing.”

Hegseth took a long sip from a tumbler.

“That’s your cue, Mr., Secretary.”

Hegseth finished sipping, then said, “Oh yeah. We believe in giving taxpayer money to influencers like you.”  He squinted at the camera.

Mamdani said, “So if you want to tell your audience how great New York City is under my administration, call me.”

“Or…” Hegseth squinted for a few seconds. Then said, “Or want to collect a salary from the Department of War, give me a call.”

Mamdani shook his head. “I doubt anyone here wants to work for you.”

Hegseth reached for a dumbbell on the ground. “Don’t listen to that immigrant. If you want to collect a salary from a Woke-free agency, you’ll love working for the Department of War. My wife can tell you that I’ve gotten some of the best sleep in my office!” He grunted as he tried to lift the weight with his right hand. Despite the weight remaining on the floor, Hegseth started counting. Pentagon staffers rushed over to film him.

The convention also featured booths from various organizations, including Chorus, a dark money group with ties to the Democratic Party, and Good Influence, a marketing firm that connects clients with a pool of influencers.

Speaking to a crowd gathering in front of the Good Influence booth, Chicagoland influencer Qasim Rashid said, “Some people accuse Politics Girl and me of being hypocrites because we denounce dark money in politics, and while accepting dark money from Good Influence. To paraphrase a certain politician, dark money, in defense of democracy, isn’t a vice! It’s a virtue for my budget!”

The convention also offered workshops, including one on how to promote candidates in states you don’t reside in.

Influencer Paige Dunmeyer told attendees, “Don’t let reality hold you back. On social media, I’m simultaneously a lifelong Michigan and Wisconsin resident, while living in Kansas City. That is the power of social media, and I’m going to teach each one of you how to wield that power. For good, of course.”

During the session, an attendee from Oregon showed how he would produce a video endorsing Governor JB Pritzker for President. He took a hotdog from the catering stand and started pouring ketchup on it. He said, “As a lifelong Chicago resident, I can honestly say billionaire JB is more progressive than AOC!”

“Cut!” Dunmeyer yelled. “Even I know no true Chicagoan puts ketchup on a hot dog!”

The man replied, “Who cares?”

“Every Chicago troll on the Internet. If you want to pull off being a Chicagoan, you need to put yellow mustard, white onions, green relish, a dill pickle spear, sports peppers, and a dash of celery salt.”

The man ran to a trash can and started vomiting.

Dunmeyer shook her head. “It takes a strong stomach to do my job!”

The convention ended with influencer Kaitlyn Hennessy disrupting a speech by Morris Katz from Fight Agency. While Katz claimed credit for Mamdani’s victory and downplayed the failure of Graham Platner’s campaign, Hennessy walked towards the stage, then turned her back towards Katz. Hennessy started recording herself on her smartphone as Katz proclaimed himself the kingmaker of the Democratic party. She smirked and rolled her eyes as he talked.

When Katz paused to grab a cup of water, Hennessy, still looking at her smartphone, said, “Morris Katz is the future of the Democratic Party. If you want a post-apocalyptic future. We could lose Maine because of your sloppy background checks and indifference towards SA.” Hennessy then accused attendees of hypocrisy. ‘I’ll bet most of you are thinking, ‘Dark money for me, but not for thee.'”

An attendee yelled, “You read my mind! I should un-alive you for being a Zionist witch!”

“And here we have another example of the horseshoe theory,” Hennessy replied. “The far Left and the far right are exactly the same!”

An attendee said she disagreed with Hennessy’s assertion. “The far Left wants taxpayer-funded health care. The far right wants me dead. We’re not at all alike.”

Katz cleared his throat before Hennessy could reply, “You know I’m standing right behind you? Why don’t you face me before spewing your slander?”

“Because my camera is in front of me,” she replied. “It feels like I’m recording a live-action reaction video!”

Convention security approached Hennessy, and she agreed to leave the convention. As Hennessy walked away, she yelled, “Say no to plastics. Shop at Tabor Place and support my friend Beatrice! She’s divorced and just adopted an adorable cat!”

After the convention, many attendees felt motivated to embrace an “inevitable” dark money future.

June, who asked that we not use her last name, said, “Yeah, there’s a risk I might get funded by a cryptocurrency group. But there’s also a chance I could get paid as much as my idol, Brenna Perez. If you can’t beat dark money groups, accept their donations instead.”

Also in the Babbler:

Aliens surveillance records prove 9/11 was an outside job
Hague rules I-355 closure is not attempted genocide against Chicagoans
Weredogs endorse Allaina Humphreys for Bolingbrook Trustee
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/16/26

 

Still Here (Life Update)

I’ve haven’t been posting as much on here lately, but I’m still here.

Last month, I got a promotion and assigned to work with a new client. The set up process has been more involved than I expected. So that’s been taking up most of my weekdays.

I also finished outlining my next novel, A Fire that Bleeds, and just started writing the chapters. No idea when it will be finished, but I’ll keep you updated.

Illinois has had a record number of tornadoes this year. One of them even hit Hazel Crest twice. Fortunately, they’ve missed my suburb, but my coworkers had to take shelter twice in the past month. (I was out of the office both times.) Sometimes, it feels like I’m living in tornado alley again.

Hopefully, I get back to weekly posts soon.

The Bolingbrook Babbler interviews the ghost of Lindsey Graham (Fiction)

Editor’s note: Our new spirit medium, Monica, secured an exclusive interview with the ghost of Senator Lindsey Graham. The following is an excerpt from her interview. The full interview is in the print edition of the Babbler.

Monica: I call out to the spirit of the honorable Senator Lindsey Graham.

Senator Lindsey Graham: Are you an angel?

Monica: No. I’m Monica, from the realm of the living.

Graham: Gosh darn it! 

Monica: Senator?

Graham: I’ve been stuck in limbo all week. You’d think that if God was going to inconvenience me, the least he could do is expedite my passage to Heaven. 

Monica: You think you’ve earned your way into Heaven?

Graham: Absolutely! I condemned Homosexuality! I voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, supported a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, and voted against the Respect for Marriage Act!

Monica: But didn’t you solicit sex with men, and wasn’t your nickname “Lady G.”

Graham: What’s your point?

Monica: Isn’t it hypocritical of you—

Graham: God doesn’t care what you do. He only cares what you say! 

Monica: I don’t think that’s how it works.

Graham: I think it does, but even if you’re right, I’d rather be in Hell than be stuck here. Heck, maybe I could get promoted to the demonic senate. Couldn’t be too different from the US Senate.

Monica: I wouldn’t know.

Graham: I think I would. Heck, maybe I’m thinking too small. If I go back to being bipartisan, maybe I could get on God and Satan’s good side. I’d be liked by the two most powerful beings in the Universe.

Monica: You want to be on Satan’s good side?

Graham: He can’t be that much worse than Trump. Probability smells better, too. At least I’d be with decent people.

Monica: Decent? People?

Graham: Yeah! The only souls I’ve met so far are dead Iranians and Gazians. (Chuckles) They’re so annoying. The Iranian school girls are like, “Boo hoo. I will never grow up and get married.” I tell them to stop crying because they no longer have to wear headscarfs. You’d think they’d appreciate that, but no. They want to live under Muslim rule. Can you believe that? And don’t get me started on the Gazians. They try to send me on a guilt trip with their sad stories of their lives being cut short. They don’t appreciate Israeli mercy.

Monica: Mercy?

Graham: Yeah. Because if it were up to me, I would have turned Gaza into Hiroshima Part Two. Or Part Three, or whatever number we’re up to!

Monica: No wonder you were such a lonely sad man in life.

Graham: Lonely and sad? Hardly. I was on a roll before my heart gave out. I had the ear of the President on weekdays and on weekends, I enjoyed the biggest—

Monica: I don’t need to know.

Graham: Just know that I hired the best! Because I deserved the best.

Monica: And all the people who suffered because of your votes?

Graham: Why would I care about the little people! I had lots of friends in the Senate. Even Cory Booker said nice things about me. They all miss me!

Monica: I don’t think (Senator Bernie Sanders) has commented about your death.

Graham: He doesn’t count.

Monica: Since you seem to be in a bad mood, I’ll leave you now.

Graham: Wait!  You can’t leave me now. I mean…Even though I’m the most important ghost right now, I can make time for a lady like you. There’s no one else worth talking to—

(A moaning sound interrupts Graham.)

Graham: Oh, go away!

Senator Mitch McConnell: The Lord is calling me. I can see the light! Can you?

Graham: He’s joking, and it’s not funny!

McConnell: Oh my! I’m being pulled back into my body! Are you following me?

Graham: Stay alive. (Pauses) He’s been doing this ever since I arrived.

Monica: Doing what?

Graham: Taunting me as he floats between life and death. Hey, Mitch? Make up your gosh darned mind!

McConnell: I was wearing pants and a shirt! What’s on your body?

Graham: A suit, once my sister has time to bury me. At least she can sit in the Senate Chamber. Which is more than you can do!

McConnell: I can’t hear you. I’m being pulled back to Earth!

Graham: He’ll stop bothering us after 20 minutes of this nonsense.

Monica: I can wait because I still have plenty of questions for you.

Graham: I’m unalive. It’s not like I have anything better to do, right now. And I was just getting the hang of TikTok.

Also in the Babbler:

Illinois American Water: You cannot pay water bill with your soul
Canadian Smoke Monsters drift through Bolingbrook
Bolingbrook resident smuggling testosterone to US soldiers
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/20/26

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

If you are interested in a dramatic version of the Babbler universe, check out my book series, The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. Available at most book retailers. You can also request copies from your local library. 

Space Force and IDF hold joint exercise in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Without notification, the United States Space Force and the Space Division of the Israel Defense Forces staged a mock invasion of Bolingbrook.

According to anonymous officials at Clow UFO Base, they almost launched interceptors to attack the approaching paratroopers and dropships. They were called off at the last second after Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth called. Despite the late notice, Hegseth insisted he did nothing wrong and that Jesus had already forgiven him. 

Said one female official, “I told him next time to contact us before landing troops in Bolingbrook. He called me a DEI hire. I said he didn’t earn his position and that he ran the Defense Department. I couldn’t understand his reply, and I think he slipped off his chair before disconnecting.”

Karen, who didn’t provide her last name, claims she spied on the so-called beachhead. She claims to have overheard an argument between a Space Force commander and the IDF fleet commander. According to Karen, the IDF wanted to drop actual bombs, but the Space Force commander refused.

The IDF commander replied, “But we’re the only IDF branch that hasn’t inflicted civilian casualties. Please?”

“No!” Replied the Space Force commander. 

“But Israel had the right to exist.”

“And we have the right to invade any country that disobeys us!”

“I’m telling Bibi!”

Eyewitnesses reported seeing 12 men entering Fountaindale Library carrying orange foam cylinders. Half wore Space Force tactical uniforms and half wore IDF uniforms. 

The leader of the Space Force team approached the front desk and said, “Pretend we’re armed and show us where you would keep the fake ballots.”

When a patron accidentally dropped a book, the IDF squad leader yelled, “Ceasefire violation!” The witness said the IDF members aimed their foam cylinders and started making shooting sounds. 

The Space Force commander shook his head and yelled, “Ceasefire!  Now!”

The IDF soldiers pretended to keep firing.  

“I said ceasefire!”

“This is a ceasefire,” one IDF soldier allegedly said. “They can’t shoot at us, but we can shoot at them before they violate the ceasefire.”

When the war game ended, Hegseth had a videoconference with the troops. Witnesses claimed Hegseth delivered a rambling speech    At one point, he said, “Real men commit war crimes.” He later said, “I wish all the Jews would hurry up and move back to Israel. I want to see the Second Coming of Jesus, God damn it”

The speech ended when an IDF general said, “Can we just skip to the part where you give us everything we want?”

The President’s Chief of Staff refused to let President Trump comment on the deployment.

In the background, a man who sounded like Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said, “You know the moment this war ends, they’ll convict me. You understand what I’m going through! Right?” After a short pause, he said, “Mr. President? Are you still alive?”

Trump replied, “Your temple has three missing walls. My ballroom has four walls, and a basement. A very deep basement.  You have a shallow wall.”

“Oy vey!”

Also in The Babbler:

Clow UFO Base cancels UFC match
Record number of residents applying to be alien abductees
Brookie chatbot argues with Copilot AI.
God to spare Bolingbrook 

Quick follow up on Jey McCreight

Back in April, trans rights activist Jey McCreight was violently assaulted in Chicago. Jey escaped, but, but had to be hospitalized, and needed surgery. (Details in the linked story).

Jey, who used to be a member of Freethought Blogs, recently founded BeyondXandY to advocate for transgender rights and show that biology is non-binary. They had been promoting the launch prior to the attack.

Today, Jey is recovering and has a GoFundMe to cover their medical bills and lost income. As of today, it’s about $10K short of the goal.

In an interview, Jey said they would keep working on BeyondXandY. Considering all the hate they’ve endured, going all the back to the founding of Atheism+, I’m impressed with their resilience and dedication to social justice.

“Wheel in the sky”

I can’t help but notice that Journey’s extended farewell tour is coming to Chicago in October. Even though there’s only one original member left, and two members from their most successful lineup.

Seeing the ads reminded me of the only time I saw Journey live. They were performing in Oklahoma City in support of Frontiers, and a friend of mine was able to get tickets for one of the three sold-out shows. The seats were in the nosebleed section off to the side of the stage. Fortunately, there were projection screens and a camera crew that allowed us to see what was going on, if we weren’t fortunate enough to be on the floor.

Looking back, the show was arena rock at its peak. Singer Steve Perry knew how to work the crowd. No one protested whenever he asked the crowd to sing the next verse. Not that he needed the audience to sing along. His voice was in full form that night. The set list was packed with the hits. The band seemed to effortlessly move from high-energy songs to moving ballads. For teenage me, this wasn’t just a concert, it was an event.

Turns out, that was the last tour with the lineup that recorded Escape and Frontiers. The drummer and bassist were fired during the recording of Raised on Radio. Steve Perry left the band after that tour. Since I didn’t go to many shows as a teenager, I was fortunate enough to see them at their commercial peak.

Since then, I’ve diversified my tastes in musical genres. After college, I got drawn into the “Alternative” music scene and wrote about it for a zine and a twice-a-month publication. I would have been called a poser if I’d mentioned enjoying a Journey concert. But now, I can listen to and enjoy any kind of music.

Journey wasn’t innovative as the performers I would hear later in life. But for an arena rock band, they were excellent. I don’t know about the current incarnation, but I don’t need to see them in concert again. I’m happy with the memories I already have.

This performance of “Wheel in the Sky”  is from their Escape tour in 1981. It seemed like an appropriate song while to reminisce about the band.

Jerusalem Day in 2026

Rabbi Adam Chalom of Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation reflected on Jerusalem Day 2026 and the consequences of the Six Day War. I learned that before the invasion, there was a neighborhood next to the Western Wall. After the invasion, the neighborhood was torn down to make room for a plaza for visitors to the Western Wall. Sadly, tearing down homes in the West Bank is still a recurring pattern after 60 years.

Note: I serve on the board of Kol Hadash.

Bolingbrook PR firm tries to counter Iran’s AI Lego videos (Fiction)

A still from an AI Lego video produced in Iran. In the video, a US pilot shot down in Iran is being chased by Iranian officials.

A still from one of Iran’s AI Lego videos. (From Explosive Media)

Inside Bolingbrook’s Barber’s Corners Media, six Muslims, three men and three women, were in a focus group to judge a proposed social media campaign. The owner of the firm, Charlene Spencer, introduced herself, asked for honest opinions, then started then started playing a video.

The Claymation-style video opened with a woman, wearing an Iranian flag headscarf, standing in the middle of the bombed ruins of Tehran. The woman cries clay tears and says she lost because Iran’s leaders are dead. Suddenly, two female soldiers, US Army and Israeli Defense Forces, parachute from the sky and land next to the woman. The panelists’ jaws drop as the IDF soldier puts her arm around the Iranian woman’s shoulders. The IDF soldier says she’s here to lead Iran towards freedom and points towards a pillar of light. A hip-hop-style song starts, and the Prophet Muhammad appears, wearing gold chains and leather clothes. The hip-hop Muhammad starts rapping his praise for President Trump and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The panelists erupted in anger.

“You can’t show an image of the Prophet!” One of the panelists shouts.

“Why?” Spencer asked.

“Koran Chapter 21, verses 52-54! Images of the divine lead to idolatry!”

“We’re not asking you to worship this video,” Spencer responded. “We’re just trying to improve Bibi’s and Trump’s reputations in Iran.” The panelists screamed in disgust. “So rapper Muhammad doesn’t work. What if we replaced the Prophet with the ghost of the Shah? He could perform ‘Guess Who’s Back’?”

The panelists left the conference room in disgust.

“Don’t forget your coupons for a free meal at Naf Naf Grill!” Spencer yelled down the hallway. One of the panelists shouted an unprintable comment about Zionism as she left. Spencer shook her head. “This is much harder than we anticipated.”

Barber’s Corner Media is one of several covert social media firms attempting to counter Iran’s AI Lego propaganda videos with pro-US and Israel videos. To date, none of their videos have resonated with test audiences. Other firms have tried making their own AI Lego videos, AI-generated vertical dramas, and cartoon animation. While Spencer respected Explosive Media, the group behind the videos, for “making a murderous theocracy look cool to Western progressives,“ she insists BCM is on the right track with their Claymation-style videos.

“If Claymation can make dehydrated grapes cool, it can make Trump’s aggressive ceasefire look cool too!”

In a focus group of progressive influencers, Spencer showed a video of thousands of Claymation protesters being executed by the Iranian government. Spencer then asked if the video would make them more likely to support Trump’s “Not a war war” against Iran and the US’s blockade of the Iranian ports.

User Southernpunk on Substack said, “There’s no truth in your video, while there’s a truth trapped inside the AI Lego video. Just like the truth of (the University of Oklahoma’s) awesome football team is trapped inside Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium, and if you’ve ever read the Daily Oklahoman, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“What?” asked Spencer.

“You should join us on the porch, where we talk about these things without the tomfoolery of the Epstein Class keeping our noses buried in the red dirt. And if you’ve ever put your nose in red dirt, you’ll know what I mean.”

Political influencer Andra Berghoff nodded and pointed at the ceiling.

“What are you pointing at?” Spencer asked.

Berghoff replied, “Oh, I just do that whenever I’m listening to someone I agree with. It’s a habit I developed from inserting myself into other people’s clips.”

Berghoff later said she wasn’t persuaded by Spencer’s video. Specifically, she found fault in the argument that Iran should be bombed because it is a theocracy. “Just because Iran is bad doesn’t give us the right to bomb them. All men on the Internet are bad, but I don’t think we should bomb all of them.”

Reporter/Commentator Aaron Parnas added, “We have breaking news. The problem with your videos is that the producers don’t seem to understand Iranian society. Say what you will about Iran, but Explosive Media understands the fault lines of our US society and knows how to exploit them. What are the fault lines in Iranian society? Do you know who their controversial celebrities are? Do you even know how many political parties Iran has? Until your company does basic research, your videos will just be offensive and unpersuasive. Spread the word and follow along for all the latest news.”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “When did I get old?”

Also in the Bolingbrook Babbler:

Richard Dawkins flirts with Brookie, Bolingbrook’s chatbot
Clow UFO Base ban betting on Starship launches
Editorial: Epstein files a distraction from Trump’s authoritarian takeover of USA
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/13/26

 

Two of my books are on sale!

Two of my books are on sale for $0.99 each until the end of May: A Fire in the Shadows and The Rift.

They’re both part of my Bolingbrook Babbler Stories series, an Urban Fantasy series with an ensemble of main characters. Think of them as taking place in an alternate universe from the web stories I post here.

Cover of A Fire in the Shadows by William Brinkman

A Fire in the Shadows

Lydia, a vampire who regains her empathy and compassion, is the main character in A Fire in the Shadows. Hunted by traditionalist vampires, ridiculed by her blood family for her feelings, and required to hide from human society, Lydia desperately seeks someone to love and end her loneliness. When she turns her attention to towards Sara, the editor of Babbler, she thinks she’s found the perfect person. But another group of vampires is interested in Sara. Can Lydia protect Sara and overcome a vampire’s greatest enemy: Love?

Action-packed, entertaining, and haunting in its delivery, author William Brinkman’s “A Fire in the Shadows” is a great entry into the Bolingbrook Babbler Story series (Goodreads Reviewer)

The Rift is Elevatorgate with an Urban Fantasy/Sci-Fi twist. Tom Larsen is a skeptic blogger who sees himself as a defender of truth against the

The Rift

feminist invasion of the skeptical movement. When he finds out that his rival, Jamie Kyle will be in Bolingbrook to address a gathering of feminist skeptics, Tom forms an unholy alliance with the Bolingbrook Babbler tabloid to infiltrate the gathering.

But when he discovers that the Babbler’s stories about monsters and aliens are real, his world view is shattered. The truth Tom thought he was fighting for is no longer clear. Jamie might not be the enemy after all. The skeptical movement he devoted himself to has a hidden agenda for the future of humanity.

And the rift in the skeptical movement that Tom helped start, could tear Bolingbrook apart. Can Tom face the unbelievable truth and save his hometown?

Four stars. Engaging and well written. (Nonstop Reader)

If you want to catch up before reading my latest book, Revenge of the Phantom Press, this month is a good time to get the eBook editions of The Rift and A Fire in the Shadows.  Plus, Lydia and Tom will get together in the next book.