According to various esteemed sources, the Village of Bolingbrook attempted to grow a genetically engineered Village Board Trustee to fill a vacancy caused by Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta’s election. While initially successful, the trustee melted three days before her swearing-in ceremony.
“It was disgusting,” said a source within Bolingbrook’s Department of Research and Development. Mayor Mary shook her hand and she melted into a pile of goo. I think Mayor Mary is still trying to wash the stains off her outfit.”
Alice, who works in Bolingbrook’s IT Department, claims Alexander-Basta announced her decision to grow her replacement shortly after winning the mayoral election:
“We didn’t know what to say. (Former Mayor Roger Claar’s) trustees were human but their android doubles attended the meetings for them. Mayor Mary said that by growing her own trustee she could impress Roger with her innovative spirit. We know how that ended up.”
Alexander-Basta, the sources say, believed that if the Village could grow its own Men in Blue, it should be able to grow its own trustees. She mentioned that some of the New World Order’s leaders are genetically engineered.
According to Dale, a genetic engineer, Alexander-Basta didn’t appreciate the difficulties of her request:
“Our machines date back to the 1970s and were only designed to create Men in Blue. Men in Blue are designed for security, not governing. Creating a leader requires technology only the New World Order has. We don’t have access to it. When we told her that, she got mad and said we could do it if we tried hard enough.”
After the trustee melted, Alexander-Basta asked Alice if she could rush the creation of a trustee.
“I told her we’re short-staffed and constrained by supply chain disruptions. We’ve already used most of our parts to reactivate the current android doubles. If we modified (Trustee Sheldon Watts’s) android, we might be able to have one ready in a month. Mayor Mary said she needed one in three days or else she would be in big trouble for failing to name a replacement trustee within 30 days of a vacancy. I said I warned her after the election that this could be a problem, but she didn’t listen to me. She said she heard me, but didn’t like my answer. I suppose that’s progress from Roger’s administration.”
Alexander-Basta finally told Claar what happened. Sources within Village Hall say they heard Claar yelling unprintable remarks for several minutes. He finished by saying, “Go recruit a trustee the old-fashioned way.”
Near the end of the day, according to eyewitnesses, Alexander-Basta noticed Aimee Rupsis in the hallway. The eyewitnesses say their conversation was roughly like this:
Rupsis: Excuse me? I’m trying to find—
Alexander-Basta: I know you, right?
Rupsis: Um, maybe? I was in one of your ads.
Alexander-Basta: I like you already.
Rupsis: Thanks? You might also know me as chairperson of the Bolingbrook High School Music Department and a band director.
Alexander-Basta: You can make teenagers do what you want?
Rupsis: I guess.
Alexander-Basta:You’re just the person I’m looking for!
Alexander-Basta: I need someone to be my trustee on the board.Nobody wants to help me because they’re afraid of being attacked on social media.
Alexander-Basta: If I don’t find someone in three days, the Cook County Democrats will force me to appoint Jackie Traynere!
Alexander-Basta: If only there were someone out there who loves serving Bolingbrook as much as I do.
Rupsis: I love serving our community, but I don’t know if I can be a trustee.
Alexander-Basta: Oh it’s easy.You just ignore Sheldon, and serve my agenda.
Rupsis: I’ll do it because I love to serve!
Alexander-Basta: Great!Just don’t post about it on social media until after the board meeting.We don’t want to tip off the trolls.
Rupsis: But how should I deal with the trolls after I’m—
Alexander-Basta: Later!Let’s get your picture taken for the web site!
In a video call, Alexander-Basta denied trying to grow a replacement trustee. She then attacked her critics on social media:
“It’s too easy to post negative things on social media. If you have something to say to me, you have to say it to me in person or over the phone! If you can’t say it to me in person, don’t say it at all! Also—”
She was interrupted by a knocking sound on her office door. She opened the door, revealing Watts.
Watts said: “A trustee has the power to vote for tax increases and local ordinances. Each trustee’s vote can affect the lives of thousands of residents. That’s an awesome responsibility and that’s why it’s an elected position. You may have the right to nominate an acting trustee to sit on the board for the next 22 months, but you at least owe the residents the courtesy of letting them know who you’re selecting at least a few days before the vote is taken. By only announcing your candidate minutes before the vote, you opened a can of worms—”
Alexander-Basta slammed the door on Watts.
“You can’t do that on social media,” she said.
Also in the Babbler:
Bolingbrook ends COVID restrictions on alien abductions
Russians heat ray bakes Bolingbrook
Rep. Bill Foster smashes atoms in joy after Rachel Ventura decides not to challenge him
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/17/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.