Do you grow more fond of where you grew up as you get older?

As a teenager in rural Henry County, Ohio, I couldn’t wait to go to college and get the hell out of that stinkin’ place. 

I even became an exchange student my junior year of high school and spent one amazing year in Denmark. I returned to my hillbilly town a raging socialist. Yeah. That went over well. Senioritis and reverse culture shock made my last year of high school excruciating. 

Needless to say, after graduation I left for college and never looked back.

I  moved around a little spending some time in the Cleveland area and then Los Angeles, but an undiagnosed mental illness brought my life crashing down. I needed treatment and my family’s help, so I moved back to the area. That was twenty years ago.

Today, I live near where I grew up, but in Toledo. I have grown accustomed to all the conveniences of city life, and I love raising my daughter where there’s plenty of diversity and opportunity. 

The strange thing is, I have become more fond of where I grew up as I’ve gotten older. Sure, I wanted to leave, but I can look back at a lot of good memories. Being a country kid was a lot of fun. Fireworks and bonfires. Swimming in the river. Spending hours playing in the woods. Seeing a million stars in the night sky.

My daughter is such a city girl. She will never know what it’s like to live without pizza delivery or not having restaurants and stores within walking distance. Hell, there are four Target stores within twenty minutes of our house. She doesn’t know what it’s like to live somewhere where everyone looks like you.

But then again, my daughter has never seen thousands of lightning bugs blinking and hovering over the alfalfa field behind my childhood home. 

I wouldn’t want to move back to where I grew up, and I certainly wouldn’t want to raise my daughter there, but I’m at a point now where I can look back and say it wasn’t all bad. 

Can you relate? What was it like where you grew up compared to where you live now? Maybe you stayed in the same place or maybe you made some changes like me. Do you look back at your hometown with fond memories…or at least realize that it wasn’t as backward as you thought it was?

Why are children so afraid?

We got paid today and on payday, we always go out to eat. Tonight we went to a popular restaurant in Toledo that is supposedly haunted. My daughter didn’t want to go fearing a ghostly encounter, but once we got there and she realized it was just a normal busy restaurant with nothing wrong with it, she was fine.

I used to fear supposedly haunted places, too, and I’ll admit it, I’m still a little afraid of the dark.

But why do kids fear monsters under the bed or in the closet? Why do they have fears that adults know aren’t true?

When I was little I was afraid of tractors and semi-trucks because I thought they had mean faces– especially the green Oliver in my grandpa’s barn. I about shit my pants every time he started the thing. 

Also, growing up out in the middle of nowhere I was certain I was going to get abducted by aliens. I was sure one night I would see their big eyes peering through my bedroom window. It never happened, but it was certainly a big fear of mine– enough to keep me up at night. 

I also assumed every storm would produce a tornado and my big sister thought it was hilarious to sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from The Wizard of Oz every time it stormed to make me cry. 

I’m still afraid of tornados but as an adult that just makes me ultra-prepared. I’ve got my bug-out bag ready to go when it gets bad. My husband is the type that likes to go outside and look when the siren goes off but I’m the one yelling at everyone to get their asses in the basement. 

Obviously, most people grow out of their childhood fears, but what makes children have so many unfounded fears in the first place? Are there just too many unknowns at that age?

What did you fear as a child? Are there any fears you didn’t grow out of?

Do you think it would be cool if aliens were real?

I’m not going to say that aliens are real because there doesn’t really seem to be any definite proof, but wouldn’t it be cool if they were?

I’m not a very sciencey person. In fact, there’s a lot I don’t understand about the universe, but I’ve always felt my atheism was rooted in common sense. The existence of gods just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s just too unbelievable and therefore, isn’t real. 

But with that being said, for some reason, I can’t discount the possibility of aliens. For me, god doesn’t make sense, but aliens do. We can’t possibly be the only intelligent life out there, can we? Does anyone else feel this way? I know there’s no proof of aliens, but it feels probable in my mind. It just makes sense to me. Why is that?

I like watching UFO and alien documentaries. I used to only watch them when I was under the influence, but I haven’t done any alcohol or weed since the relapse of my mental illness last summer. For the past couple of months, my mental illness has been kept at bay, so I guess sober is the way to go. The documentaries aren’t nearly as fun, but they still make me think and question things. 

Is there a government cover-up? To me, that’s totally believable. 

Does anyone else watch these shows? Am I the only atheist out there who thinks there’s a small possibility we might not be alone? 

And wouldn’t it be cool if aliens were real? Can you even imagine? I just feel like there’s this whole gigantic universe we know nothing about. There’s just so much to learn, and in a way, we are so small and insignificant. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. 

I guess really the root question of this post is if it’s okay to believe in things if they’re probable but there’s no concrete evidence. Do you ever feel that way? Is there something you believe is probable but don’t have proof? 

Or does this just fall into the category of “unexplained”? We don’t know the answer now but it might come with time. You just have to accept that some things are unexplained. 

Please tell me I’m not alone…or knock some sense into me. 

I’m in the mood for some animal stories.

We are an animal-loving family with five kitties and two guinea pigs. We have a full house and our pets are family. I know people judge us for the amount of pets we have because we don’t have a lot of money. The truth is, they’re a huge monthly expense but we couldn’t imagine life without our animals so we make it work. One thing that has really helped us is we found a nonprofit community vet where the cost of services is a lot lower. I am so grateful that they are making pet ownership more affordable for people in our city. They really saved our butts when one of our kitties needed her leg amputated.

I grew up out in the country with a dog and a million cats. My sister even had a horse for a while. I’ve always been around animals and I can’t imagine life without them.

It’s surprising how expensive guinea pigs are. They eat so goddamn much! In addition to hay and pellet food, they require fresh fruits and veggies daily. Our piggies are particularly fond of carrots with the greens still on them, basil, and yellow bell peppers. Recently we discovered that they also like dandelion and cilantro. Thankfully, we have found a local fruits and veggies store that sells produce really cheap. We can buy a mountain of food there for twenty bucks! Happy piggies!

This is Nugget. He’s the more outgoing one of our two piggies. He has two different colored eyes — one blue and one brown.

I really like talking to our piggies. They make the most interesting sounds. I talk and they squeak back. They stare at me and I really feel a connection with them. It’s so cute!

 

I want to hear about your pets! Are you like us and can’t imagine life without animals around?

Is atheism motivation to live a healthier life?

As an atheist, what is your attitude towards your health? 

Do you pay attention to what you eat or how much physical activity you get? Be honest — do you get a yearly physical? Do you go to the dentist?

What about mental health? Do you practice self-care? Do you get enough sleep? Do you show kindness and compassion to yourself and others?

Can “YOLO” push you to better health because you know this is it – there’s nothing after this life? Are you determined to live each moment to the fullest? Does “living to the fullest” always require a healthy mind and body?

As far as mental health goes, I feel atheism has given me a sense of clarity. I feel grounded knowing everything has an earthly explanation. This has been hugely beneficial to my recovery from schizoaffective disorder.

But right now, I kind of feel like a blob. I have a knee injury and spend a lot of time lying around the house. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get better. I am seeing an orthopedic surgeon on Monday and hope to have some sort of resolution soon.

Despite my setbacks, I do believe knowing I’ve got this one life to live has been motivating, although I think I’ve shown that more through being ambitious rather than health-conscious. I’d like to change that or at least find some balance.

I am definitely a “YOLO” person and I hope I have a lot more life left to live.

Can you relate? What defines living life to the fullest? Is it ambition, health, both, or something else? Has atheism motivated you to live a healthier life?

My artwork is now for sale at The Gilded Exchange! Thank you for your support!

If you are in the Northwest Ohio area, my flower finger paintings and drawings are now for sale at The Gilded Exchange in Perrysburg, a local furniture and home decor store and consignment shop. These are the pieces I dropped off yesterday. Fingers crossed I sell some!

It’s really hard to put yourself out there as an artist and so many of you have been really supportive. Thank you for that; I really appreciate it. You’ve given me the strength to keep going! With my current health struggles, sometimes all I can do is hide and paint. My artwork is a way I can still stay connected to the world and that has been really motivating to me. It’s how I’m turning a negative experience into a positive one and I’m so happy you’ve supported my journey.

What is the central theme of the Bible?

I don’t really know a whole lot about the Bible. I know the basic stories like the Garden of Eden and Noah’s Ark, but not much more.

I was raised in rural Ohio in a conservative community. While my family didn’t go to church, many people around me did, and unfortunately, there was peer pressure. When I was in middle school, I decided I would try to be a Christian. I was determined to read the Bible from cover to cover, but I didn’t get too far. I got to this part that was like, so-and-so begot so-and-so who begot so-and-so who begot so-and-so, and I gave up.

I now live in Toledo and sometimes local churches will leave letters or pamphlets on our door or mailbox. I do read them out of curiosity. The latest was a pamphlet from the Jehovah’s Witnesses, “How do you view the Bible?” It claims we can believe what the Bible says because of its “amazing harmony, honest history, and reliable prophecy.” 

Amazing harmony? It states, “The Bible was written over a period of 1600 years by some 40 different people. Most of them never met one another. Yet, the entire book is harmonious, with one central theme!”

Do you agree? Is the Bible harmonious? Is there one central theme? All I could think of for a theme is something broad and generic like, “god is a powerful god” or something to that nature. I’m sure many of you have read more than I have. What do you think? What’s the central theme of the Bible? Is there one? Obviously, I’m not a Christian, but that doesn’t stop my curiosity.

I’m Still Here! Let’s Bitch About American Healthcare!

Hi guys! I’m alive!

I’ve had a few weird moments, definitely a little up and down, but I have not relapsed. I’ve been hiding because I didn’t think I could trust myself going through med changes, but I’m not going to wait around any more. I’ve been nervous thinking the shit is going to hit the fan at any time, but I know that’s no way to live. I need to enjoy the good days and be grateful that I’m doing so well despite all the shit I’ve been through. 

Whew. It’s good to be back.

Now I need a moment to complain about the American healthcare system. While dealing with my mental health issues, I have also been dealing with physical issues. I’ve had knee pain for months. Some days are better than others, but it always hurts. 

After a few doctor’s appointments, I was referred to physical therapy even though we really didn’t know what was wrong. My health insurance made me go through several weeks of physical therapy before they would pay for an MRI. It was really painful. 

Three weeks ago I finally got the MRI and there are several things wrong with my knee including a meniscus tear. It felt like physical therapy made my problems worse and I was really angry that I had to jump through hoops just to get an MRI – to finally get answers. It just all felt unnecessary. Had my insurance covered an MRI earlier, I could have been feeling better by now. 

I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon on the 26th.

Dealing with insurance companies is absolute shit, and it’s not just my insurance company, my doctor said any insurance company would have made me go through the same thing. 

Are you up for a bitch fest? Tell me your American healthcare horror stories. I’m injured, I’m broke, I’m running out of patience, and I know I’m not alone. 

Medication Changes: A Rock and a Hard Place

I need to write this post while I’m still feeling good and have my wits about me.

I have schizoaffective disorder, and last summer, lithium, a medication that I had taken for nearly seventeen years, may have caused or contributed to kidney failure. I’m okay, but I had to stop taking the medication. When I quit taking lithium, I had a horrible relapse and it took me quite a while to recover.

My doctor put me on a new medication to replace the lithium. I have only been on it for about six months but I recently learned that it might be negatively affecting my liver enzymes, and now I have to stop taking this medication as well. I am currently weaning off of it.

If I relapse again, my husband and I feel a little more prepared this time, and thankfully I have a very understanding employer. I just wanted to let you all know what’s going on in case I disappear for a while or say something weird.

My blog is very important to me and I will post when I can. Medication changes can be really difficult when you have a mental illness. I just have to remind myself that this is temporary.

Proud Atheist Mom Moment

We’ve been having some pretty harsh wind chill advisories the past few days so schools have been closed. Yesterday I took my daughter to work with me. I was facilitating an art group so I thought she would have fun painting.

My daughter and I are a lot alike. We look alike. Our personalities are alike (which isn’t always a good thing). At some point, our likeness came up in conversation during the group and my daughter said, “Mommy made me.” 

I said, “Well, dad helped.”

Then a group participant chimed in, “No, GOD made you!” I was a little stunned and there was a slight moment of silence. I didn’t know what to say to my daughter or the participant.

My daughter then very enthusiastically exclaimed, “NO, Mommy made me! I came out of her private parts!” To which another participant said, “She knows too much.”

First of all, yay for my daughter for not falling for the god stuff. My daughter will occasionally talk about god or Jesus because she saw something on YouTube or TikTok or the little girl next door said something, but lately, she’s been totally shooting it down.

Second of all, my daughter is seven; I don’t think that’s too young to know where babies come from.

I thought the interaction was pretty funny and just wanted to share. Do you have any proud atheist parent moments?