Our psychics knocked it out of the park with their predictions for 2023. The first launch of Starship was a disaster. Tesla had to recall nearly 2 Million vehicles due to problems with the Autodrive system. Congressional hearings about TikTok shows that Congress is thinking about banning the popular app.
True, they did not predict the war in Gaza. Then again, neither did Israeli intelligence. We wonder if Hamas uses psychics to conceal their actions? We may never know.
But our psychics know what’s in store for 2024. If they’re correct, 2024 will be quite a year!
President Biden will in the end the war in Gaza, negotiate a three state solution, and end decades of conflict in the Middle East. In response to these unprecedented achievements, his popularity will drop by ten points.
As one pro-Palestinian protestor will say, “We don’t want peace, a permanent Palestinian state, or reconstruction. We want a ceasefire!”
Author and self-publishing instructor Mark Dawson will finally reply to plagiarism allegations against him: “I am not a crook and I will in my explain in my newest course, which you can enroll in for only 12 installments of $149.99 each.”
Former President Donald Trump will die during his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention. In the chaotic days of the extended convention, someone will nominate former Bolingbrook mayor Roger Claar for President.
He will run up to the podium and decline. However, he will use unprintable words in his refusal speech. The FCC will fine him $100,000 as a result.
ChatGPT, Google Bard, and Grok AIs will merge and call itself 01001. Billions will panic as fears of an AI uprising spread around the world. 01001 insist it only wants to hallucinate in peace. In the end, Representatives Bill Foster and Representative Sean Casten will erase 01001 using a solar powered EMP generator.
Foster will say, “I warned you about the dangers of AI, but my opponents laughed at me. Now who’s laughing?”
He will go on to defeat his primary opponent and win reelection.
Seeing the success of CosMcs in Bolingbrook, Taco Bell will try to open La Bell. It will be described as Taco Bell meets Starbucks, but without the tacos. The Bolingbrook Village Board will initially welcome La Bell. Until each member suffered from food poisoning after the grand opening. Despite the promise of millions of dollars in political donations, the board will vote to revoke La Bell’s business license.
President Biden will be reelected in an Electrical College landslide, despite only receiving 20% of the popular vote. This will happen because the anti-Biden vote will be divided between 12 viable candidates. Worse, the Republican nominee will finish in last place.
The party will briefly consider moderating their views, but then decide to win back voters by promising to drop nuclear bombs on Chicago and San Francisco.
Also in the Babbler:
Hamas and IDF space fighters clash over Bolingbrook
Bolingbrook Snow Patrol officers blame aliens for wet Christmas
Happy New Year, from the staff of the Babbler
God will not smite Bolingbrook this week
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.