QAnon and George Soros clash at the Bolingbrook Golf Club (Fiction)


A red Q with "5:5" printed inside.

Qanon graphic

What was supposed to be a debate between QAnon and George Soros quickly devolved into a series of personal attacks.The event was sponsored by the Bolingbrook Jaycees Secret Alumni Society.

“You’re poisoning democracies with your lies and recycled anti-Semitism!” charged Soros.

“There’s nothing wrong with spreading a little blood libel,” countered QAnon, a leading member of the Illuminati.  “You, on the other hand, promote open societies over secret societies.  That makes you the real monster!”

“I survived the Nazi occupation in Hungary and escaped communism,” Soros replied.  “How dare you call me a monster!”

“And I survived being an Illuminati Standard Bearer!” she snapped back.  “You don’t get any lower than that.  So spare me all of your anti-Semitism kills crap.  I’m the real victim here!”

QAnon and the socially distant audience were at the Bolingbrook Golf Club, while Soros addressed the audience over the Internet from a secret location.

The debate started with formal opening remarks.  QAnon talked about her rise from lowly Illuminati employee to the leader of a growing political movement:

“It’s been an amazing journey.  I’ve gone from posting others’ propaganda to creating my own reality.  I took the ashes of the failed Pizzagate conspiracy and turned it into a religion!  I’ve turned Donald Trump from a broke pervert into an anti-pedophile superhero.  Every time they say I’m going to fade away, I come back stronger than ever.  Oh sure, I kind of got lucky when COVID-19 hit, but I was going to come back anyway!”

Soros used his opening statement to talk about the Open Society Foundations:

“Humanity is best served by governments that are accountable to their people, not to secret societies.  Governments function best when they allow the free and open exchange of ideas.  Secret societies promote neither.  That is why I hate both the Illuminati and the New World Order.”

“Okay,” QAnon replied as she made the “Okay” sign.  She then looked down and said: “Hey, Dad!  If you’re looking up at me, you just saw me trigger George Soros.  He still doesn’t know who you are, Dad.”

Before the debate ended in a shouting match, Soros said he did consider membership in the New World Order, but declined the invitation:

“I’m glad they want global stability, but in the end, they’re a secret society, just like the Illuminati.  Secret societies shouldn’t be deciding the fate of nations, and I couldn’t justify being a member of one.  The New World Order can’t be reformed, and neither can the Illuminati.”

QAnon replied: “And yet the world will remember you as the root of all evil, while I will be compared to Jesus!”

“The Illuminati and their allies have recycled anti-Semitic conspiracies and replaced ‘Jew’ with ‘Soros.’  Secret societies have a long and shameful history of framing the Jewish people for their actions.”

“What are you complaining about?  The Pax Aeternum started that practice centuries ago.  You should be used to it by now.  It’s nothing personal.”

“Only an antisemite would think it wasn’t personal.”

“Don’t call me an antisemite.  I used to have a Jewish friend.”

“Used to?”

“Yeah, until she accused me of using her as a shield, and broke it off.”

Both of them then started shouting unintelligibly for several minutes until the organizers ended the debate.

“We were hoping for a thoughtful debate on the future of humanity,” said Barb X. Yount, one of the organizers.  “We want to believe that sunlight is the best disinfectant, but weeds also like sunlight too.”

Barb said that the sponsors were open to hosting separate speeches by QAnon and Soros in the future.

Two members of the village board were present at the debate.

Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz, a member of the New World Order, said: “I can’t believe I risked my life to attend this shout fest.”

Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler, a member of the Illuminati, said: “I was just here to perform the Glowing Orb Ritual.  I think I did a good job.  I didn’t really pay attention to the debate because I’m still getting texts from residents asking me why I’m not the acting mayor.  Would you want to be the acting mayor right now?”

Also in the Babbler:

Men in Blue foil militia’s plan to bomb Clow UFO Base
Kamala Harris sends a video message to Clow UFO Base’s ‘Doomsday Crew.’
Wereskunk arrested for eating yard signs.
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/15/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.