Getting High on Flying Spaghetti Monster!

I am not a fan of cold weathers and I can be quite grumpy when forced to go out in cold weathers. I am also not a fan of bulky clothes and I certainly am not in my best moods when I 531624_449896628413934_244946797_nam all covered up and weighed down by shapeless, bulky winter jackets. Although they do hide my accumulated holiday fat caused by gorging on holiday temptations like ice creams and cakes, urged on by tempting Xmas food commercials.

Anyway, there I was rushing out in the cold weather to make a trip to my pharmacy; I guess this constitutes an emergency and therefore justifies my having to leave the warmth of my bed. Anyway, there I was walking down the high street minding my own damn business when a black woman abruptly thrust a leaflet at me, muttering “Take, Jesus Christ will change your life forever”. I politely declined and walked on. What I really wanted to say to her was “So, in the usual bigoted religious assumption, you thought my life needed changing”. I guess that would be an overreaction. Damn proselytizer Christians!

Not that my life could not do with a bit of change. Well, for one, I would love to win the lottery even though I don’t buy lottery tickets. I wish I could overcome my skepticism about my chances of winning the lottery. Well,  if Jesus has not changed the life of the Christian proselytizer with a lottery win, I don’t think he is in a position to make a dent in my life. Hmm…life changer my ass.  Well, I did say my mood is not the best during winter.

OK, there I was at the bus stop with my bag of prescription, waiting for my bus and minding my own business as usual, when this woman with a pram just came and stood right in front of me, blocking my vision. She started cooing or was it scolding the tot in the pram. In a typical Nigerian way,  she would, once in a while, look up from scolding the child and try to engage me and the others at the bus stop in her cooing/scolding. We all ignored her. It was after all a very cold day, so I gave her a very cold look.

She eventually stopped cooing and when I thought I was finally going to have peace, she burst out singing a very old but popular gospel tune. In fact it took me by surprise because I have not heard that tune in a long time. It used to be a special tune for me when I was a believer. I sang it whenever I wanted to go into a trance and be at one with the Holy Spirit. I sang it in a dramatic way, with all the treats including theatrical tears, which come to think of it, must have looked like a painful sexual mating with the Holy Spirit!

The tune was the popular- 

Lord I lift Your name on high
Lord I love to sing Your praises

I’m so glad You’re in my life

I’m so glad You came to save us 

You came from Heaven to earth

To show the way

From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay

From the cross to the grave  
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high 

I was so surprised that I actually found myself nodding to the song. As I said,  it used to be my ‘get high on holy ghost’ song. Just as I was getting into the mood, my bus pulled up.  I was still miming the song when I realized I had brought out the wrong bus pass, which means I got charged for the bus fare when I could have used a free bus pass. Talk about paying debts that I didn’t owe, damn fucking Jesus Christ!  OK, that got me annoyed, as if I was not annoyed enough already, but it did not stop the song from stubbornly playing in my head. 5eff246e7ac4ba2c7785bed9d0214848

Well, I really was once very much into the song, it got me high. As we know, religion really is the opium of the masses. Some prefer to get high on cannabis, marijuana or cocaine while many get high on religion. The song was my dose for getting high when I needed to speak in tongues and mate with the Holy Spirit.

Funny enough, as I mused about the extra charge on my oyster and the unnecessary debt I paid all due to the distraction of that once beloved tune, the song started playing in my head as a tribute to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Below are the lyrics and BTW, here is a video of me getting high on his holy noodleness, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I guess I would rather get high on skepticism, logic and facts than get high on delusions, but I don’t mind getting high on Pasta in praise of his holy noodleness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Happy Holidays! 

 Tribute To Flying Spaghetti Monster 380602_4170850911488_21843259_n

Flying Spaghetti Monster
How I love to eat your pasta
I am so glad you came to boil for me

I am so glad you wrap me in noodles

You came from heaven to earth
To boil for my sins
From the pot to my plate
My hunger to quench
With sauce and pasta
You fed me with love

Flying Spaghetti Monster 

R’Amen!

Because you are a decent person does not mean your religion is not harmful: My 24 hour ordeal with religion.

I shared my post about the Twenty Reasons I am distressed by Religion and its Believers on my Facebook wall and as usual, some religious believers felt the need to defend religion with the usual “Religion is not harmful; it is some few bad believers that  make it appear so“. I am really tired of explaining to self righteous religious believers that their religion is in and of itself harmful and yes, it causes us non believers, distress. Here is an example of such comment from a decent person who just happens to be a religious believer.

 My dearest, religion if practiced in truth and in spirit is a way to cope with life’s difficulties.
Do not be distressed. If you can teach people how to cope with difficulties, you have a religion.
Religion is a discipline, a way of life to deal with life issues. Some have become predators using religion to take advantage of others—those I abhor.

I gave you my definition of religion. My definition does not include preying on children and calling them witches. No. Those who prey on others in the name of religion must be brought to line seriously.
Religion is about grace, mercy and faith and hope….We live by the principles of those who have been passionate and died for a cause. It is a choice and a way of life. Everyone has a religion.

While I appreciate and understand the way this commenter tried to paint religion, I must point out that Religion in its ordinary and accepted meaning is not “a discipline” or “a way of life to deal with life issues.” Religion is based on the belief and practice that [Read more…]

Nigerian/African Anglican Bishops threaten to secede from Church of England over samesex marriage: A case of an apprentice arguing with the inventor about the contents of their invention

It was widely reported that:

“Anglican Bishops in Nigeria and the entire Bishops of Anglican communion in the entire Global South has threatened once again to pull out from the Church of England, if the Archbishop of Canterbury continues to recognize gay marriages, homosexuality, lesbianism and all other forms of social vices that permits same sex marriage.

The Bishop of Enugu Diocese, Church of Nigeria, Anglican communion, Rt. Rev. Dr. Emmanuel Olisa Chukkwuma said the entire Bishops of Anglican communion under GAFCON, which covers the nations of the ‘Global South’ spoke with one voice, stating that the sanctity of the Marriage institution as prescribed in the Holy Bible, which says it must be between a man and woman, must be maintained without compromise.

ANGLICANIt is pathetic that the people whose ancestors were forced to practice a foreign religion at gun point now defend same religion with such vigor that they even claim to know more about the religion than those who forced it on their ancestors.

As the Yoruba adage says- “Eni to ri nko e, to fe ku pelu e o, owo eni to ti sonu nko”. (Roughly translated as – When a person who finds a lost item belonging to another  holds tenaciously onto it, in a ‘do or die’ manner, what about the person who originally lost the item?)

Laughing and at the same time shaking my head at the utmost stupidity of those Nigerian/African Anglican leaders.Just secede and stop making ignorant noises! I’d say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Obviously these Bishops are not very familiar with their Bible because if they were, they would know that there are many types of Marriages approved by their Precious Holy Book including but not limited to- [Read more…]

“Batty Man, Lesbians and dem Atheists cause bad weather”: Encountering Sexism, Homophobia and Religious delusion in one move!

It certainly was not one of those days when I looked forward to dealing with a sexist, homophobic bigot, not that I ever look forward to encountering any of that, but when ‘my dear one’ asked me to help supervise the van removal drivers that were to move her things to a new place, I wasn’t expecting to confront all that in a single move.

She reminded me to thoroughly check the inside of the van to make sure none of her things was (intentionally or not) left behind in the van. She then added “They are Jamos, so make sure you check”. ‘Jamos’ is Nigerian short term for Jamaicans. Needless to say, I was irritated at this.  I mean, what has their nationality got to do with how trustworthy they are? I know she would still have insisted I check the van if the van removal drivers were Nigerians, Americans or Britons. But I doubt if she would have added their Nationality for emphasis. Well, If they were fellow Nigerians, she probably would have added that, but if they were Britons, I doubt she would. Yes, I did call her out on this as I am not a fan of discrimination of any kind. [Read more…]

THEY SAY IT IS CULTURE, I SAY IT IS TORTURE!

They say it is culture

I say it is torture

Born a woman, a reason to be oppressed

It is culture, a woman must be suppressed

I must never be too forward

They will only drag me backward

As a woman I must learn to be submissive

For a man has the power to be dismissive

To be accepted

I must be subjected!

 

Different meals I must prepare

That’s what makes me special

They say teas I must make [Read more…]

Reactions to my recent interview make me wonder: Do Nigerians Hate Atheists more than Gays?

DSC_0961I already know that many Nigerian Christians are really stupid; I just wish I could get over the severity of their stupidity and the glee with which they display it. My recent interview  in a National Nigerian Newspaper, TELL Magazine,  has given them an opportunity to display their ignorance, bigotry and delusion on various Naija blogs that shared the interview.

Reading the various comments many Nigerians left on this blog and this blog, amongst many others that reblogged the interview,  has left me wondering if Nigerians hate Atheists more than gays!

Warning, if you are likely to want to gouge your eyes out when you read homophobic, ignorant comments, I’d advice you steer clear of the comment sections on these blogs.

Unfortunately, these religious believers and die-hard homophobes are not content with displaying their Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia and God delusions on the comment sections of these blogs. They are also very keen to share it with me on my facebook inbox and wall.

  • Many Nigerian religious believers are stupid enough to think invoking the wrath of their Skydaddy on me is scary.
  • They are bigoted enough to insist on sharing their imaginary God with me.
  • They bombard my inbox with silly scriptural verses as if quoting from their bible or Quran somehow m599780_10151137996406873_6890324_nakes their God real. In that case Batman is as real as their God; after all I can quote from Batman series.
  • Nigerian Christians throw tantrums because I do not wish to play with their imaginary Holy Trinity friends; God, Jesus and Holy Ghost. How very childish!

And to crown their stupidity, they leave ignorant, bigoted, hateful comments on my posts and interviews and then go ahead to request that I add them as friends on Facebook! Really, how much more stupid can they get! I bet like Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo did to Ese Walters, these bigoted religious homophobes want to show me a level of grace I cannot comprehend. ROTFLMAO! [Read more…]

The many faces of Jesus

There is this picture of Jesus that hangs crudely on the bedroom wall of ‘my dear one’.  Inscribed on the picture is the title ‘Mighty Jesus’, with the messageSDC16629:

With God All Things Are possible- Mark 10:27

Avec Dieu Tout est Possible- Mark 10:27

Save Me from the hand of the Wicked Oh Lord – Psalm 140:4

Libere Moi Des Mains Des Mechants Oh, Seigner- Psalm 140:4

The picture is strategically placed in a position that enables it stare right down at the bed and its occupants. Now, if I was to do anything naughty on that bed, I might feel queasy that Jesus is watching or I might just take pleasure in having an audience.

Anyway, I can’t escape this picture of Jesus glaring at me disapprovingly. Its glass frame was cracked and there was this time when i closed the bedroom door, a chunk of broken glass from the cracked frame almost hit me. There and then, I decided it won’t be funny if my epitaph reads:

Here lays an atheist, eternally knocked down by a flying Jesus frame; a dead proof that Jesus is real!  

I dumped the picture in the dustbin but ‘my dear one’ was aghast! I explained to her that  it was to avoid death by a flying piece of glass, not a diss on her faith.  She removed the glass hazard and put the now glassless Jesus frame back in its place of pride, to stare unencumbered at us mere mortals on the bed. [Read more…]

Respect my Atheism; do not send me birthday greetings in the name of your skydaddy!

297011_2003474770728_1359360475_31894145_1960385590_n I just completed another full year circle, Facebook as usual, notified my FB friends, not a bad thing , but on my facebook page, there is a very bold info that states that I AM AN ATHEIST, btw, if you are on my Facebook page as a friend or subscriber and you do not know that I am PROUDLY BISEXUAL, PROUDLY FEMINIST AND PROUDLY ATHEIST, wtf are you doing on my page?

Anyway, why do people feel the need to send me birthday greetings and prayers in the name of their God, even when they know I do not share their belief in a Sky daddy? This is simply rude!

Now, imagine you are a religious person, let’s say a Christian, and  you have it on your facebook info and other social networks that you are a Christian and you also regularly make posts on your wall about how Jesus is your only Lord and Saviour,  how every other god is fake because your scriptures says all other ‘Gods’ are  deaf, dumb , blind and you should not worship these carved idol images, then your birthday comes up,  and some ‘well meaning’ friends posts the message below on your  facebook wall:

“Happy birthday dear friend, May Sango be your strength, Ogun will protect you and your family,  Oya shall bless you, Osun will nurture your children, enjoy your special day in the name of Amadioha.”308955_301626776519192_100000156154826_1493660_1120255275_n

Would you feel angry and/or disrespected? Would you just smile and say thanks or would you scream “Hey, do not bring your idolatry onto my page and certainly not into my life, fuck off idol worshiper!”

Well, that is exactly what I actually would love to say to those who, knowing that I am an atheist, still insist on sending me birthday prayers in the name of Jesus, Allah, Mohammed or whatever God(s) and prophets they worship. However, I didn’t say fuck off but said “Thanks” and decided to write this blog post, with the hope that this won’t happen again! [Read more…]

My Home is in Heaven? WTF!

I have been having a writing inertia lately due to so much and so little going on in my life. I am c486504_10151925203660117_1558262998_naught up in the hustle and bustle of life and a heavily loaded brain that can’t discharge much right now because it is stuck somewhere in between too much and too little.  It seems all I needed to kick me out of this inertia is to be eerily woken up by an old Christian tune.

I hate early mornings. I am not an early morning person and I do not like it when I am jarringly woken up in the morning by phone calls, chit chats and definitely not by a dreadful Christian song! Unfortunately, as I am fast learning, this is one luxury you give up when you share a bedroom!

I was woken up today by ‘my dear one’ singing this very old tune from the past

Nigeria la gbe bi mi (I was born in Nigeria) [Read more…]

Pope won’t judge gays who share something in common with him: The Lord and Expensive Fabrics!

557878_702713299754730_334537535_nWell, the man in the stylish cape, silly hat and all that expensive fabrics says he won’t judge gays. How so cute!

Pope Francis magnanimously announced that:

If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?

This news has been heartily welcomed in the LGBT community. Many now flash the statement like a sort of ‘divine’ approval of their sexual orientation and armor in their LGBT Equal Rights campaign.  Even I might just flash the quote at the next catholic who  rants about how gays, bisexuals and Trans are all going to hell, but isn’t that really the position of their Pope? [Read more…]

Absurdities and Atrocities: #BabyOctopusNotHalfhumanHalfFish!

Wonders they say, shall never end. A Nigerian fish seller who lives in Ibadan, Nigeria, saw her fish evolve into half human half fish! The latest story goes thus:

 Strange Fish With Human Parts Causes Stir in Ibadan.

Hundreds of residents of Ibadan, Tuesday, rushed out to catch a glimpse of a strange fish which was said to have human parts at Asaka compound area of the city. The incident happened at Ile Akindele when a fish seller noticed the strange creature after removing the wrap of a frozen fish.

She said:

Before getting the fish out of the ice-pack, we needed to use knife to remove them and use water to de-freeze. I was shocked to see the frozen fish developed into a living being in the water, the description of which showed half human and half fish. I quickly called my father and some Alfas to see the strange fish”.

She screamed so loud the entire neighborhood rushed to see what the calamity was. Her father r15988_10201197211164216_1959934178_nan in, only stopping to pick his Quran to ward off whatever demons were chasing his daughter. Well, the daughter ran to her Imam for protection from the half fish half human. The tabloids and various Naija blogs revel in the story; they splashed this absurd picture of a half fish half human on their front pages. Never mind that the human half of the fish looks like the legs of a skinny white woman who probably was modeling on a beach for Victoria secrets. And well, the half fish part was an angry looking fish with sharp teeth. [Read more…]

Senator Pedophile Sani Yerima, Bishop David Oyedepo and guilty Nigerians, She is a: #ChildNotBride, #ChildNotWitch, #ChildNotHouseGirl!

Nigerians have suddenly woken up to the ills of child abuse because of an obscure part of the constitution. While we are all getting self righteous and indignant about children’s rights, let us also look at ways we are guilty of perpetrating child abuse. After all Child abuse comes in different colours, shapes  and sizes.

Religion and child abuse: 

Rape is never funny and pedophilia is nothing to joke about. It sure baffles me how people who condemn rape, who would normally freak out at the thought of a 54 year old man raping a 9 year old girl, could still praise and worship a pedophile prophet who did exactly that!

It seems being a catholic priest or an Islam prophet is a shield from being scorned at as a rapist and pedophile. And now, you can add being a Nigerian Senator or diligent follower of the Islamic faith to the list.  Why the double standard?  Even when dead, pedophiles graves should be spit on not worshiped in holy pilgrimages! [Read more…]

FtbCon: Atheism with a conscience!

FtBConscience-BannerGooglePlus-545x136

FtBConscience is on this weekend (Friday 19th July 2013 – Sunday 21st July 2013), with the theme ‘Atheism with a Conscience’. You can join FtBloggers and our array of distinguished panelists for a stimulating weekend without leaving the comfort of your home!

Join us live as we discuss Atheism, Religion, Social Justice, Science, Art, Love, Grief, Mental illness, Video games and a host of other interesting things! There will also be live Atheist music performed by our in house musicians!

I am one of the speakers on the panel Atheism is Not Enough, Saturday 20th July, 2013, (10am to 12pm CDT (UTC – 5) / 4:00pm-6:00pm British Summer Time, GMT +1). I hope you will join me for this interesting discussion.

You can visit the chat room here, follow/tweet @ftbcon, or post on our Facebook page if you have any questions!

It is really sunny here in London,  we are experiencing a heatwave, so I might live-stream from one of the beautiful parks in London, the queen’s palace or set up cam near Prince Williams and his wife, Duchess Catherine, who is due to deliver the next royal baby any minute now. We might catch a glimpse of Kate going into labour! Well, it could mean a hasty panel on Monarchy and the privilege of Birth.  Now, got to go get my background just right, after all this is gonna be live!

BTW, at the end of the conference, you can also hangout with FtBloggers and our wonderful panelists for drinks. I heard there is beer, chocolate, Ice cream, erm… sorry atheists; we won’t be eating babies, they are not on the FtB conference menu!

Why “Thank God I am still better off than some” is a selfish prayer and attitude

734924_268214039970930_2030938367_nSince being forced into the unemployment market, I have noticed an increase in people telling me to be thankful to God that I am still better off than others. Of course, they know I am an atheist, but believers eagerly pounce on any opportunity to tell atheists that ‘God’ is great. I have even been told that the rough patch I am going through is God’s way of showing me he is the Almighty God, and he wants me to recognize it, go on my knees, and accept him as God and only then would he make my path smooth again. ROTFLMAO!

OK, I won’t even go into the childishness of such a God or the morality of anyone who thinks such a God deserves to be praised or why God takes on the personality of his believers/creators. That is a story for another day. Now, let us not divert too much, the topic for today’s discussion is ‘Why “Thank God I am still better off than some” is a selfish prayer and attitude. Here is an analogy to get us started.

In a village, lives an all-powerful king who has the powers to make all things happen. He is famed as omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, he could grant every heart desire if he so wish. Villagers often gather in his golden palace to praise him, pray and give thanks to him. [Read more…]