By Reporter X

Did aliens help the Jacksonville Jaguars come back from a 27 point deficit to defeat the Los Angeles Chargers? Officials at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base are investigating.

Bolingbrook Mayor and Clow UFO Base administrator Mary Alexander-Basta told the interstellar media, “We’re just asking questions and detaining the ones who need a little help answering our questions.”

Following the Jaguars’ improbable victory, Clow UFO Base halted all departures, and ordered all craft in Bolingbrook’s zone of control to land. Clow officials then started interrogating all their alien visitors.

Lokgoz, from the TOI Hive, denounced his interrogation: “They kept asking me if I’d used a mind block on a football team. At first, I thought they were talking about the World Cup. Then I realized they meant the game that I call throw ball. Then they said they had pictures of my craft flying by the moon during the game. They promised to charge me with a lesser crime if I confessed. I didn’t fall for that because they don’t decide punishments. Mayor Mary does, and she wasn’t in the room.”

Inko, who asked that we didn’t identify their home world, accused Clow officials of using intimidation tactics: “I told them I bet all of my free credits on the Chargers. Why would I want them to lose? That’s when I found out gambling is illegal inside Clow. They lock me up, but I will never say what they want to hear.”

The receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she was out of the office.

In the background, a man who sounded like Trustee Sheldon Watts said, “I’m almost afraid to ask what your plan is.”

A woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer replied, “May plan is to get First Party supporters so obsessed with the DuPage Township board, they’ll miss the election.”

“That’s a ridiculous plan. No one outside of Edgar County is obsessed with any township.”

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. Watch this. The DuPage Township trustees did something!”

A woman yelled: “Outrageous! I have to tell Bolingbrook Politics! We need to stop them before it’s too late.”

The woman ran away, and Spencer said, “Now I just need to find a write-in candidate, and (the Bolingbrook Independent Voices party) will sweep the Village Board election!”

Also in the Babbler:

Blogger Greta Christina returns from the Internet graveyard!
Bolingbrook resident arrested for selling fake Martian gemstones
Russians threaten to steal Chicago’s winter weather
God to smite Bolingbrook on 1/22/23

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

I am also the author of The Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. For book updates and a free ebook, sign up for my newsletter. Pathways to Bolingbrook, A Fire in the Shadows, and The Rift are available at Amazon and elsewhere. You can support my work by buying one of my books.