Despite record-breaking hospitalizations, Clow UFO Base’s Holiday Concert declared a ‘unqualified success’ (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Despite hundreds of injured attendees, and a controversial closing act, Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta praised the organizers of Clow UFO Base’s annual holiday concert.

“This concert was an unqualified success,” said Alexander-Basta to the interstellar media. “Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t love Bolingbrook and doesn’t put Bolingbrook first.”

The concert opened with a performance by the Clow UFO Base Visitor’s Choir. In keeping with tradition, nothing terrible happened while they were on stage. When they left the stage, some aliens turned on their personal force field or changed into body armor.

“You never know what will happen next,” said Plocdoc, a visitor from Free Komet Worlds. “That’s part of the fun.”

During the second performance, six 60’ tall Gundam Mobile Battle Suits stepped on stage. After standing still for several seconds, they performed a dance routine to the song “Gangnam Style.” The jets on three of the suits malfunctioned, sending them dancers flying into audience. Eight hundred attendees were taken to Clow’s medical facilities. The incident broke the record most hospitalizations from a single performance since 1996 when two hover trains collided during the Quad City DJ’s set.

Alexander-Basta praised Clow’s medical staff. “Thanks to their tireless work, no one died, and the injured were able to watch the concert on holoscreens.”

The last scheduled performance ended in a riot. The band Merry Christmas 5 took to the stage. Due to an erroneous press release, most of the audience thought the infamous counterculture band MC5 was headlining. The audience rioted as the band played a cover of “Last Christmas” by Wham!

Petrogre claims she traveled over 200 light years just to see MC5. “Yeah, I should have kept reading after I saw ‘MC5’ on the Quantium Screen But still, they should have known better than to have ‘MC5’ in any of their publicity transmissions. That’s why I stormed the stage. Your mayor can sentence me to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special, but she will never take away my freedom to riot!”

Alexander-Basta again said it was not a problem. “No one died, and we used a new brand of riot foam that dissolves after 24 hours. You should be praising our security for saving the band. Not the several thousand visitors trying to storm the stage.”

She added that Clow will always host a holiday concert. “It just wouldn’t be Clow UFO Base without our annual holiday concert.”

Also in the Babbler:

Authorities close wormhole along the Winter Walk
Village of Bolingbrook looking for sister galaxy candidates
Bolingbrook police arrest Krampus
God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/9/22

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