Many always ask the question, ‘what does it mean to be bisexual? I am aware that there is a lot of confusion out there about what bisexuality means. However, contrary to popular opinion, bisexuals are not confused. The confusion is from the many who simply do not understand what bisexuality means. So what is Bisexuality?
BISEXUALITY is romantic or sexual attraction or behavior toward males and females; it also encompasses attractions to all gender identities and biological sexes. Yes, Bisexuality is not binary. It encompasses same and other genders.
Everyone accepts that it’s possible for a person to be attracted to people of more than one height, weight, hair colour, or race. For bisexuals that openness also includes gender. Bisexuals are very much capable of Genderless love.
Genderless love is a term I coined to describe an attraction that transcends biological sex or gender identity barriers. Genderless love is not about biological sex or gender roles, it does not focus on the genitalia. It is neither gender ascribed, imposed nor chosen roles. It is about the freedom and ability to be attracted to another irrespective of biological sex or gender identity.
It is sad when people say things like
- Bisexuals are confused
- Bisexuals are greedy
- Bisexuals do not know what they want
- Bisexuals just want it all.
Oh no, these are not true. Bisexuals are not confused, Bisexuals are not greedy. Just because I am bisexual does not mean I want to sleep with you or I want to sleep with everyone that crosses my way. We always say that Love is tender and knows no gender and this is what applies to Bisexuals and also Pansexual. For us, it is not just about gender, it is about the person. It is about seeing beyond body parts and loving the person irrespective of the gender package they come in.
I love you, not your body parts. Yes, I might be attracted to your body parts, like, well, nice boobs, but it takes more than body parts to fall in love and stay in love. I fall in love with a person, not their body parts. That is what most bisexuals are about. We are not about body parts, we are not about gender, and we are not about ascribed or biological sex. We are capable of loving and seeing beyond body parts.
When people say Bisexuals are greedy, that bisexuals are confused, that bisexuals don’t know what they want, it hurts. These are stereotypes that are simply not true. Education never hurts but ignorance hurts. Ignorance begets fear, hate, anger and even murder! It is important to for us to dispel those stereotypes and try to educate ourselves on what it means to be bisexual instead of just casting aspersions on people’s sexual orientation.
Some even claim that Bisexuality does not exist. Well, bisexuality exists. I am bisexual and my sexual orientation exists. It is not a fabrication in my head or a fantasy. Some of us are attracted to people regardless of gender. Bisexual people can be found in all walks of society, and everywhere in the world. A lot of myths and misconceptions surround it though. For example, I have been asked if my bisexuality means I have both male and female body parts.
Bisexuals are not object of fantasy. We are people, we are humans and we have feelings Do not treat us like we are there to spice up your love life. When I say I am bisexual, I am not saying I am here to get it on with you and your girlfriend or boyfriend. It is not a declaration of my availability for a threesome or some girl on girl action for you to watch. No, that is not what my sexual orientation is about. I am saying I have the capacity to be attracted to same sex or other genders. I have the capacity to fall in love. I am not saying look at me , I am a porn object, oh look at me I am the object of your fantasy come to life.
Some have even accused me of trying to promote bisexuality. Bisexuality is not a “thing” you promote, it is a sexual orientation. One can only educate and enlighten others about the different sexual orientation but you cannot promote it because it is not a fashion accessory or a product. We are born with our sexual orientation and no amount of promotion or discrimination can change our sexual orientation.
It is also sad that within our LGBT community, there is also a lot of biphobia going on. Some just believe that you are either homosexual or heterosexual. That sexuality is just plain black and white and there are no in-between colours. A lot of people are capable of moving between the spectrum of homosexuality and heterosexuality. There are many other colours in the rainbow.
As a bisexual I do not want to feel left out in the LGBT community. I used to take it for granted that I didn’t need to explain myself within the LGBT community but more and more, I realized that identifying as bisexual means I have to constantly defend my sexual orientation within this circle of LGBT activists, I just wonder what they think the B in LGBT stands for?
It seems we still have to remind LGBT activists and systems put in place to enforce Equality Laws that LGBT Rights and “benefits’ are not limited to LG, but also covers the B and the T. When I fight and advocate for LGBT rights, I am not just advocating for lesbian or gay rights, it is with the understanding that my BISEXUALITY is covered in the rights I am fighting for, it is actually shocking when we realized it is most often not the case
It hurts when we ask for tolerance but within our community we lack that tolerance. We fail to understand the diversity that makes up our rainbow. Even within my small circle of LGBT activists, I have heard things like
- Bisexuality is not real
- You just don’t want to identify as a lesbian.
I say, no, no. I am a bisexual; I cannot deny that part of me. When I identify as the B in LGBT, you have to accept it. Don’t try to force the L on me, do not force the G on me, and do not force your label on me, just as we must not force a label on another.We can only put a label on ourselves; no other can define us
And don’t tell me bisexuals are not real. It is not a fantasy. When people say bisexuality is not real, this is an example of biphobia. When people deny that biphobia exist, even within the LGBT community, believe me, this is not just ignorance, it is an example of biphobia. I wouldn’t expect that I will still have to explain my sexuality within the LGBT community, but unfortunately people still expect you to explain what the B is within the LGBT community.
I am getting used to this blatant skepticism from my lesbian ‘activists’. Most of them feel i should explain why I identify as Bisexual and not Lesbian, never mind that I never feel the need to ask them why they identify as Lesbian and not Bi or hetero. The sense of entitlement from the homosexual community is so off-putting!
It is also sad that even the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual (LGBT) community also perpetrate this discrimination and does not give the B and the T in the LGBT as much voice and visibility as it should. Understanding and tolerance is the key to enjoying our diversity.
Bisexuality isn’t confusing. Bisexuals aren’t confused or greedy, we just happen to be capable of feeling attraction to same or other gender. Even if I am not having much activity with the opposite sex or same sex as it is, it still does not change my sexual orientation.
if I am married or in a relationship with the opposite sex, it does not change my sexual orientation. If I am married or in a relationship with the same sex, it does not change my sexual orientation. I don’t stop being a bisexual because I am in a same sex relationship; it does not make me a lesbian. Also being in a relationship with the opposite sex does not make me a heterosexual. The gender of the person I ma dating does not change my sexual orientation.
For us bisexual to be heard in the LGBT community, we need to be visible, we need to be more vocal, and we should not be silenced. It is just a pity that when I attend LGBT programs, it is always all about the gays. We have to understand that when it is a lgbt program, the B and the T should not be ignored. It is a community; we must be given equal opportunity to be heard. None of us should be silenced. You attend a LGBT program and all the speakers are lesbians or gays, and you wonder where is the B in this community, where is the T in this community. If it is an lgbt program, we should really try to represent every voice that is there. The B and the T must not be silenced.
We should say enough of the stereotypes, enough of claiming bisexuals are confused, enough of bisexuals are greedy, enough of the ignorant statement that bisexuals can’t stay with just one partner. This is not true. The fact that I can be attracted to more than one gender does not make me greedy. For example, the fact that I like Ice cream and cookies, and also like all flavours of ice cream does not mean I am greedy. It does not mean I will eat it all at the same time. Liking different flavours does not make me greedy. And it does not mean I cannot control myself.
Even heterosexuals have many choices. There is the tall person, the short person, brunettes, blondes, blue–eyed, brown eyes to choose from. You have so many choices too and you don’t say because you have all the choices you are going to have them all. It is the same with bisexuals too. It is just that our choices encompass same or other gender. It does not mean we are going to have them all as our partners.
Just because I am bisexual does not mean I want to sleep with you. It is eventually about who we are comfortable enough to have a relationship with. It could be one person, it could be two. It is not about our sexuality, it is about our person. It does not mean I want it all. Bisexuals are capable of having a monogamous relationship; they are also capable of polyandrous and polyamorous relationships. It depends on the person.
It is possible for us to like all flavours but not gorge on all flavours . I can be monogamous, I can be polyamorous, I can be polyandrous, it depends on the kind of sexual activities or lifestyle I want, but this does not change my sexual orientation., My sexual orientation is natural, it is inborn.
Bisexuality does not equate greed, it does not equate confusion, it does not equate wanting it all. Please remember, Bisexuals are not greedy, bisexuals are not confused, Bisexuals don’t want it all. We are just born with the ability to be attracted to same sex and opposite gender.
Some have asked if I have the opportunity to come again, will I still wish to come back as a bisexual. Of course I will want to come back as a bisexual. Just imagine if you were allergic to milk, if you are lactose intolerant and you have the opportunity to come again, won’t you want to get rid of the lactose intolerance? Yeah, for me, I am happy that I am not allergic to any gender. I love my bisexuality, and I wouldn’t want to change that. I feel blessed, if I may use that word. I feel lucky. So why would I want to come again and be allergic to gender. I can love a person and not just their body parts. This means a lot to me.
Stop the biphobia. If in the LGBT community, we do not tolerate homophobia, why should we tolerate biphobia. We don’t have to tolerate biphobia, not even from our lesbian or gay friends. We speak out against homophobia, we should be ready to also speak out against biphobia even if it is coming from the LGBT community. Speak out, speak out, speak out. Let us stop the bi erasure, let us stop the biphobia.
KISS ME TWICE because I AM BISEXUAL
Excerpts from my poem, My Genderless Love
So don’t make me a slayer
I am bisexual not confused
Like you I choose my companion
It is a natural attraction
Not just a mere selection
With love I embrace my lover
It matters not the gender
All I want is tenderness
For my love is genderless.