In memory of my beloved sister

In the early hours of Tuesday 16 May 2023, my beloved sister, Kehinde Ilesanmi, passed away. She was 37 years old.

 

Kehinde Ilesanmi (RIP)

Kenny, as we fondly called her, was a vivacious, strong, kind, beautiful, lively, ambitious, hardworking woman with the most beautiful smile she freely bestowed on all around her. She was the big Auntie to all her nephews and nieces, they all adored her to the moon and back. She was an Auntie as well as a best friend to my son, they were inseparable.

Kehinde was undoubtedly the most entrepreneurial of us all. She was a consummate buisness woman, a professional insurance broker, and last year she launched her christian book, KAIROS.

Kenny watcher published book, KAIROS.

This time last year, this young woman who was preparing to step into a brighter future in her profession with brand new juicy opportunities, was out of the blue, diagnosed with a rare kind of stage 4 Sarcoma cancer. It was a shock to us all and none of us was prepared for the havoc this horrible disease would go on to wreak. In the blink of an eye, the cancer took over both her lungs, leaving her dependent on oxygen mask to breathe.

I remember frantically trying to get an emergency transit visa to Nigeria as my Nigerian passport had expired. I rushed down to Nigeria to be by her side.

On arrival, I was informed by the doctors that my sister had two weeks to live.

Kenny was a strong woman and she definitely wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So, she started the tortuous journey of chemotherapy.

She was a dedicated Christian and she held on to her faith to the end. With her determination and the love and support of her family, she was able to beat the predicted end date ( an end date she was not aware of as we decided to keep this info from her).

Soon after she started chemo, she gradually started gaining her life back. She was so strong. Her strenght and determination was amazing. I remember one day after another round of tough love and motivational prep talk from me, she smilingly asked me how i even think to come up so fast with the come back quips to any reluctance she has to do a task and asked why i havent published a motivational book yet as I’ve got a way with words. Kenny, maybe one day, I would do that just for you.

Two months later as I was leaving to go back to the UK , Kenny was also finally leaving the hospital, now able to breathe on her own without total dependence on oxygen mask and was able to ditch the wheel chair and moved to her new home on her own two feet.

The first round of chemotherapy helped stall the growth and spread of the cancer tumour in her lungs and we saw great improvement in her quality of life. She even surprised a friend when she showed up at her wedding looking gorgeous as ever. When she sent me a video of her at the wedding, I remember screaming with joy, and I will forever hold on to that happiness.

Unfortunately, the second round of chemo was not so successful. It was difficult watching her go through all that pain, and the many other complications of cancer.

On Tuesady 16 May.2023, one year after she was given 2 weeks to live, her fight came to an end. Her battle is over, her pain is over and she is now at peace.

I am consoled knowing the pain is over for her. The pain of losing a loved one is for the living to bear, not the dead. One cannot be fully prepared for the pain of losing a loved one even if one knew it was coming. The pain still pierces through the heart leaving indelible mark.

My sister lives on in my heart as the beautiful, ambitious, entrepreneurial, strong woman she was. I am extremely grateful for all the beautiful memories we made together.

Kehinde mi, Akehinde gbegbon

She was a twin. Below is the Yoruba Oriki Ibeji ( praise poem of twins)

Oriki ibeji – Ejire ( Twins)
Yoruba Praise poem of Twins

Sun re. Rest in perfect peace, my beloved sister.

It’s My 46th Birthday!

It’s my 46th year on planet earth today! I still remember the day I was born, okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit. The years I do remember makes me feel like I’ve lived three livetimes already because I have truly lived.

I’ve experienced life’s twin fountains of pleasures and pains, love and loss, happiness and sadness, good health and bad health but I knew they were all part of the deal called Life.

I am very grateful for where I am today and for the people that have been part of my journey through different stages in my life. Those that passed through it and those that are still part of it. You all contributed whether positively or negatively to my experience in life so far and those experiences, good or bad, have contributed to my emotional and mental growth.

Life is a beautiful story as long as we keep writing our pages and chapters in our own words, on our own terms and live it unapologetically.

I raise a glass today and toast everything that makes me the extraordinarily fierce, passionate, mentally and emotionally intelligent, discerning, sexy, strong, independent, beautiful black woman I am today. To many more years of living life with a passion.

My birthday is not complete without my annual birthday dance. This year I celebrated with the beats from motherland and danced to the music of the legendary King of juju music, King Sunny Ade. What better tune to shake my original land cruiser to than the beats of KSA.
Emi o ba won wa, emi o ni ba won lo…

Happy Birthday to me.

 

 

Farewell, Mum. Love, Always.

I finally got to bury my beloved mother On April 2017, after going through the most horrible experience in the hands of the Coroner’s office just to get her death certificate to facilitate release of her body from the hospital to family members for burial. Her sudden death at work caused so much pain, which was made even worse by the high-handed and insensitive manner the Office of the Coroner handled the situation.

Time, they say is a healer, but the pain never fully goes away. We grow and learn to manage the pain left behind by the sudden, avoidable death of a loved one. Sometimes we fill the void left by the death of a loved one with unhealthy habits to mask the pain. However, there comes a time when we must accept our loss and move on to live our lives fully again, while honouring the memories of our beloved ones.

Laying my mum to rest and giving her a befitting burial meant I got the opportunity to say goodbye and seek closure. I finally let go of all the ‘could have beens’ and ‘what ifs’, instead, I chose to celebrate the beautiful memories we made together and the full life she lived.

Thank you, mum, for all your love and care. You live on in my Heart and all of your children and grandchildren.

Love you, mum. RIP.

 

Related Link- For My Mum: You Will Always Have A Home In My Heart

For My Mum: You Will Always Have A Home In My Heart

I lost my wonderful, loving and amazing mother to the cold hand of death on the evening of 16 November, 2017. When I got that phone call that my mother had suffered a heart failure while at work, had been rushed to a hospital in London, and I was told to prepare for the worst while I made the journey from Chelmsford to London to be with her, that minute I knew life would never be the same again. It was a sudden death; I never got to say goodbye.

Seeing my beautiful mother lifeless on the hospital bed cuts like a sword through my heart. However, I took solace in the fact that she looked so peaceful. As I held her still warm hands and kissed her goodbye, I uttered the words I wish I had said to her as many times as possible when she was alive…Mummy, I Love You.

Words can’t express the pain I felt and still feel.

My Mum was a super woman, WonderWoman, hard-working to a fault, fiercely independent and super generous.

I remember filming this video in my mum’s home in London during one of these spells where I had been rendered homeless once again in London. My mum had opened up her home to me to crash while I sort out my house and job situation. By so doing, she saved me from even considering the conditional offers from predators who I thought were my friends or comrades but who instead saw a vulnerable woman in need and decided it was a good time for them to confess their affection for me while offering me their sofa, bed or a spare room in exchange for sex or relationship with them (and to think some of them wonder why i never want to speak with them again).

I always had the luxury of having the choice not to take up these predators on their offer of a sofa, bed, room, relationship even marriage proposal in exchange for a roof over my head because I had a mum who was there for me. Their appalling requests and conditional offer of help showed me their true colour and the part of human nature you don’t get to see if you are never put in a vulnerable position.

It is one of my favourite videos even though it was filmed at one of the most difficult times in my life. My Mum made these times bearable for me and always told me everything will be alright again.

My mother was a very caring mum who despite her meagre means was always ready to put everything on hold to make me feel comfortable and provide a roof over my head in difficult periods, shared her bed with me when i had none, and always looked out for me even though we disagreed on almost everything, especially Religion. Even though I was a moody daughter who never seemed to open up to her like her other daughters, she was still there for me.

From my mum, I learnt early never to depend on a man or anyone, for my wants or needs. She was a fiercely independent woman who singlehandedly provided for her children and grandchildren without ever asking much back in return.

It’s almost four months since you were untimely and unfortunately taken away from your children by the sudden cold hand of death. I miss you everyday my precious mum. and I wish i had been more affectionate towards you, let you know in ways that left no doubt in your mind that I love and appreciate you.

On this Mother’s Day, I celebrate you dear mother, and all the good and bad times we had together. You are at peace now Mum as you no longer need to toil in this cruel world. However, the love you showered on your children and grandchildren and your generosity of heart continue to live on in the hearts of these who knew you. I am glad to have been your daughter and I will always love you.

Thank you mummy for your unconditional love. Your children appreciate all you did for us, SuperMum.

R.I.P my precious mother, you will always have a home in my heart.

 

 

Brilliant BeatBoxer Beatboxing at London Pride, 2017!

This beatboxer got my hitherto dead ovaries coming alive and jumping for joy when I stumbled on his street performance at London Pride, 2017. He sure set the crowd on fire and he was a sheer pleasure to watch. Guy got moves, I sure loved his swag and accent.

After a bit of stalki… oops, sorry, digging for info, I finally learned he goes by the stage name MPFree.

Needless to say, I am now a fan of beatboxing. I’ve even started practising some beats at home. I should find out where he regularly gigs as it would be nice to take a few more notes from the expert. #LoveHappensHere.

Enjoy the video.

Celebrating My Uncelebrated Nigerian Award!

On Saturday Sep 24th, 2016, the Nigerian community in UK organised an award dinner ceremony to honour 56 uncelebrated Nigerians in five different categories as part of Nigeria’s 56th independence anniversary.

I was proud to be nominated for the award and was really honoured to receive the Uncelebrated Nigerians Award for contribution to Legal, Security & Law enforcement.

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In my acceptance speech, i dedicated the award to Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transsexuals and Queers in Nigeria and diaspora. Every Nigerian deserves to be free from discrimination regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. LGBT Rights are Human Rights. [Read more…]

Serena Williams: Racism, Sexism and the Champion

Serena Williams gave us another ‪‎Serenaslam. She is unarguably one of the greatest of all times. At 33, when most men and women champions are catching their retirement cheques, Serena Williams is saying ‘You aint seen anything yet!’ Serena Williams is at her best ever and she is here to stay. What an inspirational athlete!

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The Williams sisters not only changed the face of Tennis, they took it to a higher level. In a game where racism still unashamedly rears its ugly head, where sexism and beauty stereotypes mean the best athlete who happens to be black, gets less endorsement deals than the white blonde she has dominated for years, one cannot but admire the determination of the Williams sisters to excel in their game. Their many victories are inspirational and legendary.

We cannot ignore the racism the Williams sisters have faced over the years in a game that is predominantly white and traditionally elitist. [Read more…]

It’s my Birthday, It’s my Birthday and I’m gonna shake my bodyyyy!!

The journey started 13.8 billion years ago with the Big Bang and continued 4.5 billion years ago with the Solar system and the Earth.  39 years ago, I swam for my life, beating millions of other sperms to the race to the egg. 39 years after, the race continues. However, I am happy to even have the one in a billion chance to experience the wonder that is life.

I am also loving all the good wishes coming my way from family members, friends and fans.

Even Google took time to send me birthday greetings in the form of a lovely personalised doodle. Yeah, I know they probably do this for everyone [Read more…]

Nigerian Trans woman, Ms Sahhara, wins Ms Super Sireyna Worldwide: Eat your heart out Transphobic Nigeria!

I was delighted when the beautiful, multi- talented Ms Sahhara was declared the winner of Super Sireyna Worldwide, 2014 at the grand finale in 10513314_162106167322674_1317010551276969853_nPhilippines. She also won the best Talent award and her national costume was fabulous!

Ms Super Sireyna is the most watched Transgender Beauty Pageant on Philippine Television, Eat Bulaga. The pageant aims to showcase the beauty of Super Sireynas and to foster camaraderie amongst contestants and Sireynas worldwide. It grades contestants on looks, talent and wit.

Ms Sahhara is a Nigerian Trans Woman who resides in UK. She is very visible on social media. She uses her social networks to advocate for LGBT Rights and promote Trans visibility. She entered the pageant as Miss Nigeria.  Her interview section was great! She answered her questions with poise, intelligence and was witty to the core! She also used the platform to highlight the problems LGBT Nigerians face due to criminalisation of their sexual orientation, gender identity and the negative societal attitudes towards LGBTs.

In her entry video for the competition Super Sireyna Worldwide Nigeria 2014, she explained why she was competing. She stated that if given the chance to wear the crown, she will use the opportunity to enlighten people about Trans’ issues. She believes if people don’t understand things, they should ask questions. The video was made as part of her preparation for the competition. She obviously prepared with passion and dedication for the pageant. It wasn’t just about beauty, it was also about talent, creativity and passion. The video is quite informative and worth watching. [Read more…]

BOB CROW: One of the last of a dying generation of committed Trade unionists bows out at 52.

There I was at the gym trying to burn some winter excess weight in time to welcome summer in good shape and spirit when I bob-crowA858_2848373bnoticed the gym TV screens were showing the face of Bob Crow, the General Secretary of Rail, Maritime and Transport union (RMT), with many known trade union leaders paying tributes. My first thought was: “oh no, don’t tell me he is retiring from Trade unionism”

However, when the unmistakable hair and face of the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson came on the screen, I slowed down my pace on the treadmill to read what one of Bob Crow’s arch enemies had to say about him, it was then it dawned on me that this was not a retirement tribute but a death eulogy. Apparently Bob Crow had died early in the morning (11 March 2014) of what is suspected to be a heart attack. This came as a shock because just the day before, Bob was on TV making yet another threat of a possible RMT strike that has been known to paralyze activities in London.

I am saddened by the sudden death of Bob Crow.  He was one of the few outstanding Trade unionists in UK. His unwavering and unquestionable commitment to workers rights reminded me so much of the reason I became a Trade unionist. It was all about passion, commitment and a continuous fight for decent work, decent pay and a better life for all.

Trade unionism as I used to know it was not just about a career choice. It seeps into every facet of your life that eventually it becomes your life. It is a pity that many trade union leaders have lost that passion and now veered more towards satisfying the employers, government and multinationals rather than delivering to their paying members. Unfortunately many trade union leaders are no longer solely funded by membership fees but by politicians and government largesse. In fact, Nigeria which used to be a hot bed of radical trade unionism, is an unfortunate example of how low labour movements and their leaders have sunk.

Love him or hate him, Bob Crow was one unionist that could not be ignored. He commanded respect, awe and fear from friends and enemies alike. His members loved him, his adversaries hated him, and everyone recognised his doggedness. His enemies could not ignore him and those who value equality held him in high esteem._73502074_crowpicket_pa

Bob Crow is one of the last generations of left trade unionists that chose to stand firmly for the rights of workers in the face of crass capitalism that is always cloaked as progress in the workplace.

Bob Crow started working at the age of 16 on the underground and rose to become General Secretary of the National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers (RMT) from 2002 until his death. He was able to make tremendous progress in the lives of his members. Even when trade union membership was drastically declining in UK, the membership of his union kept rising. He fiercely advocated and defended the right of his members to decent wages. He was able to negotiate decent wages for his members, from the tube drivers to the underground cleaners.

Sometimes seen as divisive, he was never afraid of speaking his mind or standing up for his beliefs, principles, ideology and convictions. When he felt the Labor party was going the wrong way, he took a decisive step and led his union to support other Socialist orientated parties, which eventually led to the expulsion of RMT from the Labour party.

Often loathed by many London commuters who sometimes had their transport disrupted because of strike actions called over planned cuts and ticket office closures, still he commanded respect for standing up to the powers that be and giving the underdogs a voice in the scheme of things.

Bob Crow once said::

“You’ve got to recognise that the job you do ain’t about being nice. The job we do is about defending our members. And as far as I’m concerned, if I can get job security and decent pay for my members I couldn’t give two hoots about being unpopular.”

Conservative London mayor, Boris Johnson said of Crow:

“This was a guy who really fought for his members and who stuck up for his point of view. He was a fighter and a man of character”

TUC Secretary-General Frances O’Grady described him as:

“an outstanding trade unionist, who tirelessly fouRMT _73502082_tubeght for his members, his industry and the wider trade union movement”

Labor Party leader Ed Miliband said he had been a “passionate” campaigner.”

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg said Mr Crow had been a “fighter and a force”.

His brother Richard crow said of him:

“People moaned that he lived in a council house, that he never drove a car – he lived a life of the average guy in the street and that’s a rare thing these days. When people have a high office in life they fall for the big trappings of the flash cars and the big hotels and big houses. But Bob wasn’t like that, he was a genuine person of the people.”

Robert Crow (13 June 1961 – 11 March 2014) was no doubt one of the last of a dying generation of trade unionists who embraced unionism as not just a career but a life. He was an unrepentant socialist and atheist. Thank you Bob Crow for your service to the labour movement and humanity, you will surely be missed.