My waist is broken. Sadly, it is not a sex injury; it is probably a gym injury. Excruciating lower back pain sent me running to the doctors again. Last week it was flu, this week it is broken waist, i smell foul play. Now, I must ask my doctor why my waist can no longer support my big bums.

It is painful and somewhat embarrassing. I can barely seat or bend. Lying in bed is difficult and turning sideways is as scary as hell would be if it were real. I get some funny looks because I now walk in a Zombie-like manner. I cannot afford to swing my waist and hips as usual, one of these little things I used to take for granted!

I said “Sadly it it not a sex injury” because in a way, it would make me feel better if it were at least an injury sustained when trying out some 50 shades of Grey positions.  Actually, the ‘sex injury’ reference is cultural. In Nigeria where I grew up, waist injury is associated with ‘prolific sex’. When lovers or potential lovers flirt, it is common to hear exchanges like “I will break your waist o”. It is a reference to how prolific they are (or think they are) in bed. I grew up hearing this myth and even local musicians sang of it. Therefore, when i finally had a broken waist without the benefits of the sex, I feel cheated. At least the memories of pleasurable orgasm could have put a smile on my face when I scream “ouch” whenever the pain hits.

I now attract puzzled looks from passengers in the bus and on the street with my constant shouts of  “Ouch”, “Shit men”, “Fuck” as yet another pain jolts through my waist as i attempt to go about my daily business!

Since it seems I will be stuck indoors for a few days while I heal, I stopped at a supermarket to get grocery. One of the shoppers suddenly pushed against me and I involuntarily screamed “Ouch” as the pain ravaged my body. She kept saying sorry and I tried to smile to reassure her it was ok. I can understand if people around thought that my reaction was an over-the-top, dramatic reaction to just a little shove, I probably would have thought same too. However, I learnt a lesson; do not be quick to judge people, because you really do not know what they are going through.

My injury is not visible and I was not holding a walking stick, so it was easy to assume I was physically ok and shouldn’t have screamed at such a small shove. However, injuries are not always visible. Moreover, we should not be quick to invalidate the reactions of others just because we can’t see why they would react in such a way. The person who wears the shoes knows where it pinches.

The pain is bad and it is messing with my hormones. I easily find myself shedding tears not from the pain but from not being able to do mundane things like pick up my fallen pen, take out my ice-cream from the freezer, wear my trousers or panties because i can’t bend! I felt so sorry for myself I stopped at McDonalds for some comfort food. I clutched my McDonalds takeaway while desperately trying to walk a straight line. As I bury my head in my banana/chocolate milkshake, I ponder on the little things and body parts we take for granted.

• Waist muscles

Since I started having this serious lower back pain, I find it increasingly difficult and very painful to seat, stand, or bend at will. Lying in bed does not give much reprieve.

I cannot pick up my pen from the floor.

I cannot pick up my laptop /phone charger

I cannot reach the switch to put on the TV.

I actually stood for several minutes debating the pros and cons of bending down to switch on my heater. No, the hesitation was not due to contemplating the huge bill that comes with electricity, but with the uncomfortable realisation that bending down is now a luxury I cannot afford.

If I managed to endure the pain and bend down to switch on the heater, I’d probably have it on for no longer than an hour, at which point I would have to get down from the bed ( a now agonising task) and bend down again to switch it off. I would then have to navigate myself into different agonising positions to get back in bed. After pondering this suddenly uphill task, I decided against switching on the heater, compared to the gains, the stress was just too much. So I managed to slide into bed and buried myself under my duvet.

It hit me that I actually spent minutes debating the simple task of switching on the heater, not because of bills but because I have mobility problem. The tears silently came crawling from both corners of my eyes and made its way down my nose. I had to use the corners of my duvet to wipe them off cos I could not contemplate enduring the pains of standing up to go find a tissue or hanky.  I am never going to take my mobility for granted again.

• Fingers

When I was lamenting about my waist problem on my Facebook wall, a friend shared the experience of how he felt useless when he broke his fingers during a basketball game and could not do the little things he used to do. I thought, “Oh dear Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, my fingers! I do not give those hard working fingers any thought or credit for the wonderful work they do.

I use my fingers to communicate more than I use my tongue or lips, since i am always typing on my laptop. I cannot imagine what i would do if I broke one of my fingers, yet i hardly give these hard working fingers any thought or extra care!

I am always on my laptop typing; I would feel so lost if I could not type or swype on my phone. When my laptop developed a problem, I almost fell into depression. If it had been a case of a broken finger, the physical pain combined with the mental torture of not being able to write or type could spiral into depression. Yet, I hardly give my fingers a thought!

My fingers are one of the beautiful parts of my body I really love. They are long, beautiful, and they sprout strong, long, healthy fingernails, so I had no need to buy nail extensions.

I promise to henceforth treat my fingers with love and shower it in all sorts of playful, sexy nail polish and show it off with pride. I might even invest in a luxurious hand cream!

• Eyes

I know I am very lucky to have the ability to see at all. When I was a baby, I had a severe case of measles. It infected my eyes and according to my mum, almost cost me my eyesight. Luckily, the doctors were able to save the situation. Growing up, I was a voracious reader; I really put my eyes to the test. I would not put down a book or novel until I have read the last page.  In Nigeria where there was and still no stable electricity supply, most nights I read with lanterns or candles, which are very bad for the eyes.

I developed a problem with my eyes last year, and I must add, this problem started when I was about to finally read Richard Dawkins “The God Delusion”. After the first few pages, my eyes became blurry and I could hardly make out any of the words. Maybe its Holy Noodleness, The Flying Spaghetti Monster was trying to send a warning but that is a story I will tell in another post.

It took about six months, and an almost daily visit to the wonderful optometrists at Kings College Hospital, London before i could finally see again with my left eye. During that scare, I realised just how much I took my eyes for granted. Although I knew I could have lost my eyes as a child to the measles infection, nevertheless, I went on to treat my eyes without care.

During my bad eye ordeal, I could not read, I could not use the laptop for long. I found it difficult crossing the roads since the cars were a blur. I thought I was going to lose my vision. I mentally started preparing for the possibility that i might lose my ability to see.

When i finally got the all clears, I was thrilled. I still do not treat my eyes with the love and care it deserves. I still forget to take my eye drops as recommended. I still work on my laptop staring at that bright screen all day long and night too, even though I have been told it is not good for my eyes. I only remember to take care of my eyes when it starts acting up again. I must take better care of my eyes.

Eyes are complicated and wondrous part of the body. Our eyes bring to us the beauty of our world. We take this gift of sight for granted. I will definitely endeavour to love and take care of my eyes more. I will book an appointment with an optician and check out if I need glasses. I will limit the hours I spend using the laptop and make sure I take at least 30 minutes break after every two hours. I will stop every now and then to appreciate the beauty around me and stare hard at the uglies too; after all, I am privileged to be able to see at all! 

• Taste buds

What would eating experience be if we could not taste our food? I suddenly realised just how much we take our taste buds for granted when a friend lost her ability to taste and had to undergo surgery.

Salt to taste, sugar to taste, flavours of jam, sauces, barbecue, spices, curries; what would dining be without these sweet or sour cuisines! It would be awful if everything tastes like cardboard. If we cannot taste the different ice-cream flavours, spices, or sauces, it would ruin the joy of eating. I have a sweet tongue, I know I need to cut down on my salt and sugar intake but I can hardly enjoy my food without first sprinkling it with salt.

I am grateful for my taste buds. Taste buds combined with our sense of smell derived from our wonderful nose, could save our lives. It can let us know if a food item has gone bad and therefore not good for consumption.

Taste buds is the spice of life, it adds flavour to our dining experience. With taste buds, we appreciate the beauty of good food, fine dining, and all the spices life has to offer!

I will endeavour to appreciate my taste buds and not continue to abuse it. I will not take my taste buds for granted again.

• Hearts

I am not taking about the throbbing organ that keeps us alive. I do not really know why heart is associated with love, affection, and care. Maybe it is because our heart beats faster or skips a bit when we fall in love or when we hold in our arms something or someone precious to us. Most of us take our hearts for granted. We eat unhealthy foods and don’t make attempts to live healthy lifestyles. However, this is not what this is about. This is about how we take other people’s hearts for granted.

Some of us have learnt the hard way to protect our hearts from heartbreakers. However, we do not think twice before we go breaking other people’s hearts.

We take for granted the unconditional love, care and affection people in our life shower on us. I know I take for granted my mother’s love. She makes effort to be in my life because she cares and sometimes I am childish enough to take that love, care, and affection for granted. My mum will not always be around and I need to let her know that even though we do not see eye to eye on many issues, I still love and appreciate her. I need to stop taking the love of my mother for granted because as hard as this might seem to believe, my mother does not owe me her love. Not all mothers love their children. I am lucky to have a mother who would go the extra length to keep in touch with me regardless of our differences. Thank you, mum.

It is high time we started paying attention to those whose hearts we break every day.

The love struck guy/gal we string along,

The caring friend we take for granted

The doting partner/husband/wife/lover we shit all over

The caring mother/father/guardian we never call

The loyal dog we hardly pay attention to

They will not always be there. Circumstances beyond our control might make it impossible for them to be there for us even if they wanted to.

Let us not take for granted the unconditional love, care, and attention showered on us by those that truly care about us, including our pets too.

Do not be a heart breaker. Treat other peoples’ hearts the way you want your heart to be treated. Do not trample on other people’s hearts.

Hearts are important; use it to spread Love, not hate.

These are the a few things i am now aware those of us in good health take for granted. I am sure there are many other important, little things we take for granted, and I am learning not to take things for granted.

BTW, I have seen my doctor and he assured me i am gonna live with my waist intact!

So, what was the problem? According to my doctor, overused muscles caused the waist pain.  My waist has “spasms” that needs to be released. He was courteous enough not to ask how I overworked my waist muscle, but I was quick enough to let him know it was at the gym and not due to some ‘bedmantics’.  I have been prescribed some magical pills that would release the orgasms, sorry spams in my waist.

Do not take anything for granted, not even orgasms!