“Conservative Novelties” is a Category Error

In case you were unsure, wondering, “has my life really ended and am I actually in the waiting-room in Hell?” I have an answer for you.

Please take a seat while you’re in the waiting room.

They don’t say “as used for decision-making by actual POTUS” but that’s understood.

Back when these sorts of things were actually funny, there was an app for the Apple Newton called “Sim Bush” which was a bunch of Bush drivelisms that would play randomly strung together like some kind of Markov chain monster. Whenever Bush’s recorded voice said “America” it would overlay a trumpet fanfare. It was pretty well done, actually. There is humor-potential in this thing, as well, but I don’t think the folks at Patriot Depot are playing it for laughs, as they should. The little 8-ball thing should come up and say stuff like, “There are the best people ever” and other such wargarbl

Any of you ever play with Conan The Librarian? That was another great app – for Mac, circa 1992(?). It used the mic to sample the room ambient sound and baseline it, then if something was louder than the room sound, the app would quietly go “shh!” If the sound was a lot louder, it would say “Quiet, Please.” and if it peaked it’d start yelling “SHUT UP!” It was priceless to leave that running on a laptop under a table in a conference room. Or, I thought it was. I’m not sure if the marketing team did.

Sim Trump would actually not be funny at all. We already have a president simulator and it’s a mashup of horribleness.


  1. kurt1 says

    You can’t make Trump funnier than Trump. You think the novelty would run out, but then he does a photo op and holds up a bible like some weird alien artifact. The bastard killed satire. They use military helicopters to disperse crowds and you think “whats next, are they going to carpet bomb neighborhoods?”, then you remember MOVE while Tom Cotton calls for the 101st Airborne.

    The apps we need now are facial recognition so you can tell if the guy protesting next to you is an undercover cop. Guess using facial recoginition to get the badge numbers of cops in riot gear won’t work.

  2. John Morales says


    You can’t make Trump funnier than Trump.

    Well, you can… for values of funny such as a prolapsed rectum.

    But yeah, with him satire is futile, given the reality.

  3. sonofrojblake says

    “They use military helicopters to disperse crowds”

    People laughed when Trump announced his candidacy, and referenced the movie “Idiocracy”.

    Nobody is laughing any more, and the reference point now is “The Running Man”.

Leave a Reply