Ready For The Warfighter’s Christmas

This gem of pure tactical technology is brought to you by Commentariat(tm) member rq.

You can get them on amazon [amz] but I’m sure they’re available where stupid Americans buy proto-fascist fetish toys.

Why is there a Hot Wheels car on the toe?

What kind of “operator” leaves the hammer down on their 9mm when they put it into their sock?

I appreciate the redundant (small and large) flashlights. That’s good thinking: “redundancy on my redundant systems.”

And two four knives. The neo-Fairbairn’s OK but I don’t even want to speculate what the other thing is. They are both made in China, no doubt, so “USA!” I thought the Rambo-II-style piece of junk sticking out the side was a flashlight not a knife. This is a “sock full o’ knives” which I do approve of. They’re just all a bit short.

I’ve also seen these sporting a “thin blue line” patch. So you can either bow your head to the military or the police – and now, you can bow to tactical Santa Claus, the overwatch sniper who gives good kids weaponry and bad kids a bullet.

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The funny thing is that I have it on good authority that Santa Claus is actually a ninja too. I mean, this is a guy who sneaks in under cover of night, and rummages through people’s underwear. In the US, which is full of gun nuts, that’s a really dangerous fetish. You do NOT want to fuck with a guy who gets off on that.

This was some funning around in the studio that I shot to post for stock on deviantart. Considering that this was done using a voice trigger, I think I did a pretty good job angling the blades so the light caught the kissaki.


  1. Bruce says

    It should be noted that the photo of the tactical stocking is just a “serving suggestion” for ideal use. It doesn’t actually come with knives or a Hot Wheels. You have to give such things to your toddlers on your own. No firing pin, either.

  2. lochaber says

    I’ve got one of the older Chris Reeve One-Piece hollow-handle knives, and I rather like it, but aside from those, most hollow-handle “survival knives” make me cringe.

    Anyways, I think that sock will give whoever wears it some pretty horrible blisters, regardless of how tacticool their mall ninja boots are…

  3. Johnny Vector says


    “You can’t give her that!’ she screamed. ‘It’s not safe!’
    IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
    ‘She’s a child!’ shouted Crumley.
    ‘What if she cuts herself?’

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