Warning: Gross (Public Service Announcement)


When I was a kid I often got various forms of food poisoning (due to my habit of eating wild fruit and buying not-very-well-refrigerated ham sandwiches from street vendors) so I had a lot of experience at throwing up, hurling, chundering, blowing chunks, and otherwise making the bucket ring.

If you don’t already know this, you should. There is one food that tastes more or less the same going back up as it does going down – and that’s very useful to know. Applesauce. My fridge always contains a jar of the cheap mostly indestructible survive-a-nuclear-war proof stuff. The fiber in the apples uh, helps. It’s full of sugar. The pectin helps buffer your throat against the stomach acids, and it doesn’t smell anywhere near as bad as tequila and nachos.

I am quite serious about this. If you’re ever feeling like you may hurl, grrk down a bunch of applesauce. You’ll thank me.


My dad used to occasionally joke about whether or not I had thrown up “the pink thing” by which he meant: my own asshole. Thanks, dad, I love you always!

Comments

  1. johnson catman says

    I have heard a lot of euphemisms for the asshole, but never “the pink thing”. Thanks for a great laugh!

  2. anat says

    I used to suffer bouts of vomiting frequently enough as a child and a teenager. Not so much since I turned 19 or so. My mother used to attribute those incidents to ‘a virus’, but I’m wondering if the change had to do with no longer eating food prepared in her (and my aunts’) kitchens. Or perhaps some change in my microbiome/immune system, possibly related to my time in the military.

  3. says

    anat@#2:
    There are a number of health problems that often clear up when young people move away from their parents. Athsma, for example.

    Another possibility is that after drinking army coffee, your stomach could handle anything. Been there, done that.

  4. says

    johnson catman@#1:
    I laughed hard when, decades later, I heard Henry Rollins talk about it (in his spoken word bit about riding the trans-siberia railway) as throwing up his own asshole “like a bad calamari”

    Would doing that make one a klein bottle?

  5. Ice Swimmer says

    Marcus Ranum @ 4

    To become a Klein bottle, you’d have to close one nostril and kiss your anus.

  6. Ice Swimmer says

    I’m not sure if trying to become a Klein bottle is advisable even if you are the most fastidious contortionist in the world.

  7. Raucous Indignation says

    I once puked half a bottle of a 1986 Camartina. I forget what food it was paired with, but the wine was so beautifully structured that it tasted as good on the way out as it did on the way down.

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