Ask The Strategic Genius: Lying Under Pressure


Warning: Weird, Sexual, Fetish

This sort of nonsense is the consequence of allowing “but I’m a preacher!” to carry some kind of implied moral status – or as a general-purpose excuse for anything. The reason is simple: by assuming there is something special about a preacher, we may mistakenly think they are better strategists than they are.

Given the following situation: [pa]

A pastor in western Pennsylvania is speaking out after being accused of open lewdness and indecent exposure after being caught by police with a bound naked man in a car parked on a public street.

The pastor, 61-year-old George Nelson Gregory of Munhall, Pa., tells KDKA-TV in Pittsburgh, “I was counseling a young man with a drug problem.”

From Gregory’s KDKA interview:

“It did turn strange, but it wasn’t my doing, OK? And I was adamant that I’m not participating in that way. And so that’s when the police pulled up, and they assume things, but I’m standing by my story. It’s not true.”

Police were responding to a report of a suspicious vehicle parked outside of a home around 11:30 p.m. Friday.

The strategic genius would have said “I was counseling a young man with a bondage fetish.”

Counselling a young ronin with a bondage fetish [Tonbei the Mist]

“It turned strange” – probably the police had already determined that; it is bad strategy, however, to prime the police with the idea that what you are doing is strange.

Then there is the masterpiece of verbal maneuvering; General McLellan could not have done better than this: “but I’m standing by my story. It’s not true.” The wise strategist does not engage in freudian slips. Imagine if Bonaparte had, at Austerlitz, ordered Marshall Soult, “I want you to go take a nap” instead of requesting that he attack the allied center. The pastor’s strategic blunder is worse than that.

The good pastor also plied his shovel:

“I won’t deny that he began to take his clothes off and propositioned me, but I will deny, on a stack of Bibles with God as my witness, that I did nothing,” Gregory said.

That young man took his clothes off and propositioned him, then tied himself up, the pastor protesting desperately the whole time. Seeing as the car was not moving, the pastor did not think to jump out and retreat.

The strategic genius know that sometimes, retreating is the best option.

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What would the strategic genius do in this situation? The strategic genius does not find their way into this situation, at all. But, if one were assaulted by a naked, tied up man, and unable to retreat, they would tell the police, “Officer, what we are doing is perfectly legal, as we are consenting adults.” The officer would have then said “no it’s not.” At which point the strategic genius would insist vehemently that it was, and that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

Comments

  1. says

    This story was totally hilarious.

    This sort of nonsense is the consequence of allowing “but I’m a preacher!” to carry some kind of implied moral status

    In the atheist land where I live simply being a Christian has this same implied moral status. At least Christians themselves seem to believe that, just because they are Christians, they are somehow better and more moral than nonbelievers.

    What would the strategic genius do in this situation? The strategic genius does not find their way into this situation, at all.

    My personal rules for having sex in public places are:

    1. Pick a remote location where there are no people around. My personal favorites are remote Latvian beaches. Low population density and icy cold sea water results in there being plenty of beaches where I’m the only person around.
    2. Look around regularly. If any human being approaches, stop whatever I’m doing and put my clothes back on. Sure, being disturbed like this sucks, but ending up in a police car sucks even more.
    3. Be prepared to leave immediately. If it seems like somebody called the police, don’t wait for them to arrive, leave instead. If I’m in some remote place, it would take police officers at least 10 minutes to arrive after they have gotten the call. That’s enough time for me to get lost. This is why bondage is a very bad idea for any public places. It takes time to untie the ropes. After all, I want to be able to quickly put on some clothes and pretend to be a decent person.
    4. If there are people close enough to be able to see me, ensure that there are some natural obstacles that will block their vision. For example, once I was in sea (water covering most of my body) and hidden behind some rocks. If there are any people nearby, I must ensure that they don’t realize what I’m doing.

    Once you follow basic common sense, sex in public places gets pretty safe (so far I have never gotten into any trouble).

    The article you linked also said: “It appears police are content to let the courts sort it out, as both Gregory and the other man were due to receive the summons paperwork for their charges in the mail.” It seems like the consequences of getting caught aren’t that bad where I live. Here people who get caught having sex in public places get to chat with the police officers, sign some papers and pay a small fine. They don’t even make newspaper headlines and their names aren’t given to the public.

    Personally I don’t like the modesty laws. Firstly, they are discriminatory. How comes that overweight dudes with boobs bigger than mine are free to walk around with naked chests, yet somehow I’m forbidden to do so? Moreover, a naked dude in a car isn’t disturbing anybody; police officers might as well leave him alone.

  2. jrkrideau says

    2 Ieva Skrebele
    How comes that overweight dudes with boobs bigger than mine are free to walk around with naked chests, yet somehow I’m forbidden to do so?

    Come to Canada. Boobs allowed.

    Actually it might be nice to do something about the “overweight dudes with boobs ” but I am old enough to worry about getting caught in the law. Even with my slim and boyish figure.

  3. kurt1 says

    That TK looks horrible. The lower rope is way to far up, and both ties around the arms are not secured. tststs

  4. dangerousbeans says

    why do these puritan hypocrites do this in public? get a room
    also what are the odds he didn’t have any EMT shears or similar with him?

    @kurt1
    doesn’t look like a good way to suspend someone too

  5. sonofrojblake says

    allowing “but I’m a preacher!” to carry some kind of implied moral status

    It’s getting to be the opposite in the UK (at least from where I’m sitting). Priests, especially Catholic priests, are assumed by the general population to be incipient sex offenders unless proven otherwise. Either that, or hilarious corrupt embezzlers, incorrigible drunks or borderline morons (thanks, Father Ted!).

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