I Get Letters: To Protect Your Entire Country


This is certainly unexpected: FBI Director James B. Comey emailed me.

Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW,
Washington, D.C. 20535 USA.

Attention: Dear Sir/Madam,

We have been directed to inform you that we have been monitoring all your contacts with some fraudsters/impostors on the internet that claims to be working for the Nigerian Government and the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS (FBI) and this agency which is HOMELAND SECURITY SERVICES AND THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (CIA) has been on your aid in other to protect you from being prosecuted by the International Crimes Department by asking you to secure the FREE CITIZEN CERTIFICATE after the Clean Bill Certificate has been issued to you previously by the FBI as we have it here in our database but instead of you doing that you still continue your contact with the Criminals on the internet that claim to be working for the release of some fraudulent funds to you.

You are suppose to have been arrested earlier before now by the CIA following the orders that were given by the International Crimes Department, the Nigerian government has been contacted on this development and they are also helping us in tracking down on the criminals that has been confusing you all this while.

So right now all you need to do in other to protect your image and that of your entire country is to get the FRAUD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE as you have been warned because we are suppose to carry out the arrest on you today but due to the fact that some assignments was carried out by the fraud department of the FBI, it has been canceled and the new date would be announced later.

This is the final notification that i would be sending to you because we already have all your details/information and your ID in our database which would be forwarded to the WORLD COURT as your name has been enlisted in the WORLD SCAM RECORDS as a top 11 fraudster.

For the last time we are advising that you stop any further contact with any person or group of persons that claims to be working for the issuance of your funds because no such funds exist as far as we are concerned and the only funds that was entitled to you of which the FBI has been given the necessary order to necessitate the transfer is the compensation funds which is valued at the sum of $2.5 million usd that was issued to by the Nigerian Government to compensate you for the embarrassment and insults to your personality which the Nigerian Fraudsters used your identity to dupe a German business man of a huge amount of money and which we are still investigating until this moment.

If you know that you really want to save your life and the future of your family, we are advising that you secure the FRAUD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE so that your name can be shortlisted from the scammers list which has already been submitted to the International Crimes Department and this certificate will give access to the issuance of your compensation funds.We have also spread our networks to the following countries which are Australia, Canada, Africa, United Kingdom, Asia and Spain.

All the people that have their names in the list would be inset in our website any moment from now because we are charged to wipe away all the fraudulent transactions being held on the internet in which many people have lost their lives and properties. So it will be better for you to update us on the actual date in which you would be able to make the payment of $185 Usd to the agency over there in Nigeria for them to issue the FRAUD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE to you because that is the only guarantee that would make us believe that your name and ID was really forged and not real as claimed because the German Business Man has contacted all the Crimes Agency on this matter and it was your ID that he has placed in all the Crimes Department for a search of you.

This Certificate will be attached along with the previous Clean Bill Certificate so that the attorney who is handling this process could get everything mandated as you have only 48hours to co-operate with this directives and this last Certificate as stated by the issuance department would cost you the sum of $185 Usd and this fees should be paid within a short while from now on.

The payment should be sent through either Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer with the below details:

Receivers Name: CHINNANA ANDY
Location: LAGOS NIGERIA
Text Question: WHAT FOR
Text Answer: GOOD
Amount: $185 USD
Sender’s name needed:
Sender’ address needed:

The payment details should be sent once the payment has been sent and don’t forget to include the Senders Name and Address and the MTCN NUMBER.

This is our advise to you and we do hope to get a positive feed back from you as soon as possible.

BEST REGARD
MR. JAMES B. COMEY
DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI).

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Attention: Dear Sir/Madam,

You are suppose to have been arrested earlier before now by the CIA following the orders that were given by the International Crimes Department

To whom it may concern: we don’t know who you are, but you are under arrest for reasons we haven’t thought of. This is highly credible; it sounds more like DHS than FBI, though.

So right now all you need to do in other to protect your image and that of your entire country is to get the FRAUD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE

I feel very important, and I would like to fully exploit this opportunity to make my entire country look bad, by refusing to get the CERTIFICATE.

update us on the actual date in which you would be able to make the payment of $185 Usd

A steal at twice the price!

The payment should be sent through either Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer with the below details:

Receivers Name: CHINNANA ANDY
Location: LAGOS NIGERIA

I know they don’t actually read the responses that they get, but I replied:

Since this is for the federal government, can’t I just do the payment along with my taxes? I checked with my accountant and he said I am due a tax refund this year, in the amount of ONE MILLION FOUR HUNDRED FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS AND TWENTY SEVEN CENTS. If we get this done before April 15 filing date, I can reduce the requested refund and that way the Treasury Department already has the money. You can contact them directly to arrange the Western Union transfer from the US Treasury Department.

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PS – I was lying about the tax refund.

Since I sent the FOIA request to the FBI, I actually have FBI whitelisted in my spam filters, which is how this got through.

Comments

  1. says

    Shiv@#1:
    I used to imagine a character who was a young writer – perhaps the greatest natural marketing genius ever – who lived in a lovely loft in New York, writing copy for spammers as an art-form. Eventually they died of irony overdose and from too many packs of Gauloises.

  2. kestrel says

    The entire country seems to be doing a fantastic job of making itself look bad, so although not getting your CERTIFICATE would probably help, it would be a mere drop in the bucket compared with all the other BS going on right now.

    And I had to laugh – I’ve had conversations online with people who I know for a fact were born and raised in the US and speak English as a first language, that are just as incoherent if not more so than this stunning missive. I thought that part was very realistic.

  3. chigau (違う) says

    I think I got this as a call on the dust-covered land-line-phone.
    It sounded like Steven Hawking.

  4. says

    I got a refund for the first time in many years this year, it all went to the backed up bills. (i’m a seasonal worker i always fall behind this time of year)

  5. rq says

    Wow. One sentence per paragraph – except for paragraph 7, it actually breaks up into two sentences. I am amazed.
    Anyway, don’t you want to save your life?

  6. komarov says

    I’m guessing this is what a scam sounds like when written by a sovereign citizen. Anyway, I wouldn’t fall for it. I’d just hold out until I got my cut of the Nigerian prince’s money and then use it to buy the CIA and FBI. Maybe even get the WORLD COURT for free as part of a buy 2, get 3 deal.

    Wait a second:

    Sender’s name needed:
    Sender’ address needed:

    I thought they already had all your details…

    I did enjoy hearing about the FBI fraud department, though. Is that the department that plants evidence and encourages wanna-be domestic terrorists to actually do something, or is there another one for that?

  7. Reginald Selkirk says

    Har. As if the FBI and CIA would be cooperating. And the CIA making an arrest within the US.

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