My Penis Shrinks to a Little Nub

… At the very thought of this horribly-named “Internet of Things” device. It’s not quite as bad as the fleshlight that doubles as a stick-blender,* but the name:


What were they thinking?! Were they thinking?! I know we’re supposed to be imagining we’re putting our lips on a special pair of smackable smoochers (or our distant oligarch’s buttocks, perhaps) but all I can think of is this:

Source: LBJ Library

Source: LBJ Library

not this:


At least the “kissenger” device won’t carpet-bomb you into a cratered moon-scape like its name-sake did to Cambodia and Vietnam.

What’s more interesting is that the journalists (and the product’s designers, maybe?) don’t understand the difference between a kiss and “synchronized putting our lips on a piece of silicone”

They need new marketing people and they need to get out more.



The Mirror: Remarkable “Kissenger” gadget lets you smooch a long-distance lover over the internet

(* Not a real thing)


  1. says

    “Going to the Feelies this evening, Henry?” enquired the Assistant Predestinator. “I hear the new one at the Alhambra is first-rate. There’s a love scene on a bearskin rug; they say it’s marvelous. Every hair of the bear reproduced. The most amazing tactual effects…”

    “Take hold of these knobs on the arms of your chair,” whispered Lenina. “Otherwise, you won’t get any of the feely effects.”

    The Savage started. That sensation on his lips! He lifted a hand to his lips; the titillation ceased; let his hand fall back on the metal knob; it began again…

    I don’t think we’re quite there yet.

  2. Crimson Clupeidae says

    Can I have some of your soap? I want to pour it into my ears and see if it cleans this from the brain…..